wowsers Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 First time ever trying this but I have to do this cause it hurts. Yup, you guessed, we just broke up. After 7 years...7!!! But it's been a rocky 7 years and I should've known along time ago. She 10 years younger, and I dont think that help any. The catcher is we have a beautiful 2 year old son. I miss him alot as well. Why we fought..... hmmm. Just about, anything and everything. I thought I was right, she thought she was. The truth is I felt used. See I always worked hard, have a business to take care of. She didn't have to do anything... I paid all the bills, and all she had to do was take care of the house hold, but she didn't even do that. Well, she did do some things, like cooked 1 -2 times a week. And took my daughters maybe once a month to doctor appointments, went food shopping once a month. That would upset me though, but i didn't say anything. She just wanted more and more. She tried to open her own business, and had some money coming in, and didn't want to help with the bills. Always had an excuse that she had to pay this and that. She would get money from her parents and never help (well very little). I say out of the 7 years she hasn't paid not even 10%-15% of our share. But she wanted more and would argue if I didn't have it. Then her parents didn't help. I know yur suppose to help your kids out, but instead of helping her they made her into a spoiled person. She has left this apt. at least 15-20 times and her parents take her in. I know and do not calm to be perfect and we didn't live in a hung mansion, but damn. I paid all the bills, she was never went hungry, i don't do drugs, i don't drink, never abbusive, and instead of her parents telling her and teaching her that if you dont get what you want you dont just move out... they take her in every single time. Then the lies, oh my the lies. She would make the biggest stories to get what she wanted. Like tell her dad she got pulled over by the cops and needed money or they would arrest her and he would give it to her. Once again she would spend it on her stuff on what ever she wanted. I would hear her on the phone, then ask her why she lied and she got mad at me and somehowmade me think I was doing something wrong. There's alot more but right now, I feel like out of place, lonely, depressed, and lost. Is it me? what should I do? Am I wrong? Even though she's the one that left again?
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 very sorry to hear of your heartbreak. even when it is someone not so good leave, it hurts. i am very sorry for your child but that is a major reason you need to get strong. you would never make her happy, you tried very hard but it did not happen. she did not appreciate what you, what you were doing for the family and did not communicate why she did not. ITS HER ISSUES not yours. face the pain of the loss but now focus on yourself and your child and not on her. it is going to be difficult she is a game player. good luck you will get through this
Author wowsers Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 very sorry to hear of your heartbreak. even when it is someone not so good leave, it hurts. i am very sorry for your child but that is a major reason you need to get strong. you would never make her happy, you tried very hard but it did not happen. she did not appreciate what you, what you were doing for the family and did not communicate why she did not. ITS HER ISSUES not yours. face the pain of the loss but now focus on yourself and your child and not on her. it is going to be difficult she is a game player. good luck you will get through this Thanx. I should've listen to my mom. When she first met my ex, she told me "I don't know son, she looks like a spoiled brat".
GrayClouds Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Thanx. I should've listen to my mom. When she first met my ex, she told me "I don't know son, she looks like a spoiled brat". lol. yes mom was right. but it doesn't mean you can't feel bad about it ending. you have a right to grieve. even if you open yourself up to a b*tch it still hurts at the end. you gave a good deal to the relationship, so feel bad for awhile then work to feel better. spend some time trying to understand why you believe you needed to work this hard for someone to love you. that is your issue and understanding that will help make your next pick a better one. good luck you deserve better.
Thaddeus Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Wowsers, were you married? I strongly suggest that you speak to a lawyer immediately. You may very well end up having to support her financially. (Men, take note: Never, ever get married or live with someone without either a pre-nup or cohabitation agreement.) Supporting your son, well, that's a given and shouldn't be denied. But fact is that, from what you've written here, she was a classic 'taker' and don't expect this part of her personality to change now that you and she are split. Get legal and financial advice. Today.
Author wowsers Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 I really don't mind taking care of my son. No we weren't married so no, no taking care of her. Thank you all, I'm starting to reliaze how dumb I have been. I do hurt really bad. I can't really sleep well and I feel like, very very empty inside, Like somethings missing in my life, but I look back and hear in my mind what she use to tell me every single time we fought.."I don't love you...I told you i didn't want you anymore...i'm young, your old, i'll find someone" and so much more and it makes me see... damn I was dumb. I just can't wait till this part of the pain is over. Is this the worst part? Wowsers, were you married? I strongly suggest that you speak to a lawyer immediately. You may very well end up having to support her financially. (Men, take note: Never, ever get married or live with someone without either a pre-nup or cohabitation agreement.) Supporting your son, well, that's a given and shouldn't be denied. But fact is that, from what you've written here, she was a classic 'taker' and don't expect this part of her personality to change now that you and she are split. Get legal and financial advice. Today.
Author wowsers Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 wow, todays a rough start. I'm going crazy. I miss her and my son like crazy. My heart and chest feel like their coming out my chest. AHHHHH!!! this s**ks!!!! NC at all, what do I do?????
Thaddeus Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 NC at all, what do I do?????Got a bicycle? Go for a ride in the country. Got a garden? Get your hands dirty. Got a lawn? Mow it. Got a motorcycle? Take a day-trip somewhere. Point is to do something, preferably something physical. And maintain NC. (My kitchen is a mess right now... wanna help me clean it up?)
Author wowsers Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 (My kitchen is a mess right now... wanna help me clean it up?) Where do you life? I'm ready to clean. Then you can help me, deal? j/k. But I do have to clean here as well, The thing is she still has all her stuff here and there's memories all over here. So I'm avoiding the cleaning part. All I know is that after this I don't want to be with anyone else. Not to go through this anymore.
Thaddeus Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 The thing is she still has all her stuff here and there's memories all over here. So I'm avoiding the cleaning part. All I know is that after this I don't want to be with anyone else. Not to go through this anymore.OK, this is good. All that stuff is a continual reminder of her. But avoiding the clean-up is only going to drag out these feelings longer. So gather it all up, put it in a box and put the box in your basement or garage or other storage spot where it's out of sight. (Is it safe to assume that she's going to come get it? Or has she abandoned the stuff?)
Author wowsers Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 OK, this is good. All that stuff is a continual reminder of her. But avoiding the clean-up is only going to drag out these feelings longer. So gather it all up, put it in a box and put the box in your basement or garage or other storage spot where it's out of sight. (Is it safe to assume that she's going to come get it? Or has she abandoned the stuff?) She can't abandon it. It's her stuff and the baby's. The last 10 times she lefted, she left the crap here took a few and came back and we played this game like I said too many times. It's alot of stuff that I bought but I don't want them cause I bought them for her and our baby. I don't know what to do, last time I packed them all up and she never came and got the stuff, and then we tried to work it out again. But I do have to let go. I DO I DO I DO!!!! AHHHH this really really S*CKS!!!
GrayClouds Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 go and do something very physical like a run before you attempted to deal with it. it will make it a bit easier and at the end of the day you will feel good about two things you achieved today.
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