NightLord1 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 He just texted me g'night (that's exactly what he texted btw). I didn't respond. How long should I not respond? I would wait until the next message then respond and if you do keep it short and simple with just very few words. I honestly do not agree with ignoring people I have said this a lot in my other posts. A ton of people on here would disagree with me but that is them. Don't think about why he sent you a text thats not what is important. What IS important is that he begins to treat you with respect. Period. Its all up to you of course and which way you want to go. If you honestly want him back then ignoring him isn't going to get you anywhere if you keep doing it. Everyone can sit here and tell you don't do this and don't do that. But they are not you and if you want your ex back then that is your choice.
hoping2heal Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 You guys are right. He doesn't respect me like I want him to. He just texted me tonight and I ignored it. I have to see if I am who he wants. I am in love. I am hoping that we'll be okay but right now all I am doing is crying and hoping for things to get better. I'm going NC. I'm hurting and angry. Why did he text me only to say g'night? I don't understand. Help me guys. I want us back the way we were before. Happy and trusting and monogomous. Help me show him how serious I am. What to do? See? You're not happy. No one can blame you either. I wouldn't be happy if it happened to me, I would cry. I would feel angry, hurt, and confused. That's why I advise the way I do though; I'm sure I just seem like a pain in the ass, but it's the one foolproof rule I have learned in life. Absolutely fool proof; If someone is telling the truth their actions will line up with their words. If a man tells me he loves me, he wants me to be his wife, he wants to father my children and make every dream I have come true; but he ignores my calls on the weekends, doesn't listen when I have something important to say, doesn't allow me to express my feelings in the relationship without getting defensive and putting the blame on me; I'm going to say..hey..wait a minute here. This doesn't add up. How can this man love me so much, and act so differently? You see, that's why I'm so hard driven about it, because it's the only way to decipher between truth and lies. Did you know, that if you look at some of these men or women who "play" people; afterwards the person will say "I can't believe I didn't see it" and then a little later on they will say "The signs were all there." That's because someone who is playing you can talk a very good game but what they are incapable of doing is following those words up with actions on a consistent basis. So believe me, there are ways to know when your relationships are legitimate or not. You only hurt yourself in the long run holding out when someone's actions do not fall in line with their words.
sugarmomma Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 He never said babysteps. We were doing baby steps. We were talking to other people and dating. He told me, he wanted me back. He told me that night, he had stopped seeing the other women. Then, when the morning came, he retracted. He didn't us want to delet the numbers from our phones. He retracted after he had sex with you. That's probably all he wanted. You need to go back and read some of your previous posts. This is the same guy that has treated you like shi* over and over and over and over again? You have no idea what love is. If you did you would be somewhere focusing on loving you instead of trying to force someone to do something they don't want to do. Stop trying to change him. Except him the way he is or MOVE ON!!! You have issues.
sugarmomma Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I do love him. I want him back because I love him. I know he loves me and relationships aren't perfect they're messy and painful. You have to fall alot of times before you make it right. I don't have this perfect image of him nor does he of me, but if two people love eachother they make it work. Do you think it's even possible? Do you think he'll come back? Healthy relationships are not messy and painful. They are simple and satisfying. You are a total drama queen. Of course he will be back to bring you more pain of which you are addicted to.
sugarmomma Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Of course. That is why I signed up here to give what help that I can. NL That's really nice of you but you will be wasting your time. Go back and read her other posts and you will see why I say this. Sorry stressed but its true. You don't listen.
sugarmomma Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 NL That's really nice of you but you will be wasting your time. Go back and read her other posts and you will see why I say this. Sorry stressed but its true. You just posted 5 days ago about getting back together and its over already. You two are not meant to be together. Relationships are not supposed to be so hard. You have convinced yourself that they should and that is why you put up with being mistreated. YOu have gotten caught in a fantasy world. You don't listen.
NightLord1 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 NL That's really nice of you but you will be wasting your time. Go back and read her other posts and you will see why I say this. Sorry stressed but its true. You don't listen. She is a big girl and an adult and can make her own decisions. If she wants to go through this endless pattern then that is her choice to make. I only offer advice to the questions that are asked of me regardless of what may or may not happen. If someone asks me "hey what should I do about this?" I tell them advice that they are seeking at the time of asking as it pertains to the question. If she were to come to me and ask in a completely different way such as "i don't want to deal with this guy anymore how do I move on?" Then i would give her my advice on that. I'm a neutral party...I don't go off and make assumptions and label the people that are being spoken about in these threads because well...I DON'T know them and to me labeling or judging someone you don't know is wrong.
MSUE Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 i agree with those who said a healthy relationship is not messy and hard...a healthy R is respect, love, commitment, sincery and loyalty amongst a few other things...it should not be messy by any means I don't think this man fits the criteria...why would you want something back when that something has hurt you so deeply? you are sking for it...to be hurt...because you are blinded by this so called love...take a step back and analize the facts...sorry ur hurting hon
Author ms.stressed Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 NL That's really nice of you but you will be wasting your time. Go back and read her other posts and you will see why I say this. Sorry stressed but its true. You don't listen. I didn't contact him. I saw other people. I am not a drama queen. I don't like drama. Up to three nights ago, I was fine. We talked and he broke my heart. Read my post and you will see how I've done nothing but try to love him. This is my first real relationship and he is the only person I've ever loved. I've tried to move on but I don't want to. I want him. Do I want him as he is now? No, I don't. You guys are saying drop him. I don't want to do that. I want him to come around and be the person he was before all this randomness. That's who I want.
sugarmomma Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I want him to come around and be the person he was before all this randomness. That's who I want. He is who he is. Please come out of denial with the thinking that he will change. He knows that you are willing to except the bare minimum and that is what he continues to give you. Reality check- He has absolutely no respect for you because he sees that you have no respect for yourself to allow him to treat you in such a horrible way. You say that this is your first real r. I am probably a lot older than you so I will share that there will be others if you put yourself in a position to receive something better. Why are you holding on? Are you afraid that there won't be someone else that will want to be with you? I know how that feels but it is a lie. Go back and read your own posts and notice the pattern. I think that your view of love is distorted. I am not trying to be harsh, I know what its like to be in an unhealthy r and it just appears to be the case with this guy. I really do wish you the best in this life. You deserve a love that is strong and healthy. You just have to redefine that for yourself.
MSUE Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I didn't contact him. I saw other people. I am not a drama queen. I don't like drama. Up to three nights ago, I was fine. We talked and he broke my heart. Read my post and you will see how I've done nothing but try to love him. This is my first real relationship and he is the only person I've ever loved. I've tried to move on but I don't want to. I want him. Do I want him as he is now? No, I don't. You guys are saying drop him. I don't want to do that. I want him to come around and be the person he was before all this randomness. That's who I want. hon you want us to give you a to do list on how to get him back...the problem is that because of your original post and your account on events nobody seems to agree that getting him back is healthy for you...you want him bacl at all cost even if that means your heart will be broken daily...why the do you want people to tell you if there's no possible positive outcome? I'm truly not trying to be harsh or mean I'm just being real with you I know its not what you want to hear cause your heart its set on something else but think with your head a lil
boogieboy Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Your ex just told you want you wanted to hear so he can have you as a booty call and thats it. He doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, and he clearly showed that. So you cant have him back the way you want, you will have him back the way he wants, which is when he wants sex and thats it. If thats what you want, you can keep going the way you are, but you will get no fullfillment out of it. You will feel hurt for as long as you let it carry on.
hoping2heal Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Your ex just told you want you wanted to hear so he can have you as a booty call and thats it. He doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, and he clearly showed that. So you cant have him back the way you want, you will have him back the way he wants, which is when he wants sex and thats it. If thats what you want, you can keep going the way you are, but you will get no fullfillment out of it. You will feel hurt for as long as you let it carry on. Boogie boy just nailed it.
Quest Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I want him. Do I want him as he is now? No, I don't. You guys are saying drop him. I don't want to do that. I want him to come around and be the person he was before all this randomness. That's who I want. But wasn't he much the same before? His behaviour might be becoming more extreme ('random') but it's not that different from the way it used to be, according to your previous posts, and it bothered you then. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and love, which means someone with the capacity to do that in the first place.
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