ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 My ex and I started dating again. He told me that we'll be okay and that he wants me back. He told me that he was going to stop seeing the other girls, I agreed to stop seeing the men I was dating and he spent the night. That morning I woke up, rejuvinated and happier than I had been in months. I made him breakfast and bought it to him in bed (something I used to do when we were together) and I asked him if we could start deleting the numbers from our phones now. He says no, not now, he has to go look at a home and do all this other stuff. I asked him when was a good time, I want us to do it together. He told me he didn't know, sometime this afternoon and I asked if I could be there and we can do it together. He said, no, I'm not getting my way this time so leave him alone. I went ballistic. I took his clothes and attempted to throw them outside had my stupid sister not grabbed me. Then I started hitting him, it's like months of anger, frustration, lies, broken promises, and disappointments piled up. I would have done more but yet again, my sister felt compelled to intervene. I was shaken with all this negativity and emotional goulash. I told him this after things calmed down. He said he doesn't want this person before him. He told me doesn't know when he was going to stop dating but that he didn't break up with me. I called him (he put me straight to voicemail) to apologized and tell him I'm letting him go. Now, I'm hurt. I'm so hurt and I just want to know if he will come back to me. I'm not going back to him. I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm getting away from him, I want him to come to me. Will he? Or is it all lost?
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 and you want him back why? ( and please don't say because you love him)
boogieboy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I dont know about him, or how he feels about you, but I wouldnt go back to you after that display. He was going to give you a chance, with baby steps, and you asked for too much too soon, and he wasnt ready. You couldnt handle your emotions, and you blew up on him. Why would he want to go back to that?
Author ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I dont know about him, or how he feels about you, but I wouldnt go back to you after that display. He was going to give you a chance, with baby steps, and you asked for too much too soon, and he wasnt ready. You couldnt handle your emotions, and you blew up on him. Why would he want to go back to that? He never said babysteps. We were doing baby steps. We were talking to other people and dating. He told me, he wanted me back. He told me that night, he had stopped seeing the other women. Then, when the morning came, he retracted. He didn't us want to delet the numbers from our phones.
Author ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 and you want him back why? ( and please don't say because you love him) I do love him. I want him back because I love him. I know he loves me and relationships aren't perfect they're messy and painful. You have to fall alot of times before you make it right. I don't have this perfect image of him nor does he of me, but if two people love eachother they make it work. Do you think it's even possible? Do you think he'll come back?
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I want him back because I love him. i asked you not to say that for it does not explain why a you want to stay with a guy that gives you "months of anger, frustration, lies, broken promises, and disappointments". if your not interested in actually learning form his experience (and what to play games; "I'm getting away from him, I want him to come to me.") then I will answer your question: will ihe come back to you? yes, next time he is horny
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Classic example of having your cake and eating it too. The dude wants to still be dating other women while having you to go to as a SURE thing because he knows he has you around the neck with a noose. This is just unacceptable behavior to put up with from someone and i would suggest you go back to NC. If he comes back around again you clearly tell him that if he wants to be with you then he has to make a choice as to what he wants either you or to still date others and you do not back down from it. If you wanted to make it a game (which is not right BUT if you wanted to go there) tell him you thought about it and you think it would be best if he DID see other women because you are unsure as to how you feel now and want to see what else is out there too. If he truly wanted to be back with you and just you he wouldn't have hesitated to delete those numbers right then and there.
silic0ntoad Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Yeah... I would tell this dude to pound sand. I mean, honestly, if he were committed to you, and you alone, those numbers would have vanished faster than you could say hoodathunkit. I'd go strict NC. If he mentions working things out, stick to your guns. You can't be monogomous, you can't be together, if you get me.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Anyone who cheats on you with other women and lies to you about it, loves their own agenda, but they don't love you. Feelings for you? Sure. Love you? Not a chance, unfortunately from reading your posts I can see why you don't know the difference.
MSUE Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 My ex and I started dating again. He told me that we'll be okay and that he wants me back. He told me that he was going to stop seeing the other girls, I agreed to stop seeing the men I was dating and he spent the night. That morning I woke up, rejuvinated and happier than I had been in months. I made him breakfast and bought it to him in bed (something I used to do when we were together) and I asked him if we could start deleting the numbers from our phones now. He says no, not now, he has to go look at a home and do all this other stuff. I asked him when was a good time, I want us to do it together. He told me he didn't know, sometime this afternoon and I asked if I could be there and we can do it together. He said, no, I'm not getting my way this time so leave him alone. I went ballistic. I took his clothes and attempted to throw them outside had my stupid sister not grabbed me. Then I started hitting him, it's like months of anger, frustration, lies, broken promises, and disappointments piled up. I would have done more but yet again, my sister felt compelled to intervene. I was shaken with all this negativity and emotional goulash. I told him this after things calmed down. He said he doesn't want this person before him. He told me doesn't know when he was going to stop dating but that he didn't break up with me. I called him (he put me straight to voicemail) to apologized and tell him I'm letting him go. Now, I'm hurt. I'm so hurt and I just want to know if he will come back to me. I'm not going back to him. I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm getting away from him, I want him to come to me. Will he? Or is it all lost? Hi there...Ithink is very strange that he wouldn't delete those numbers when you asked for it if he had already promised to correct? I find it very fishy...almost as if he wants to keep them or go home write them down then delete to make you happy...yes relationships aren't perfect and sometimes they can get messy but you lost your cool and hit him...that is wrong and a big no no its called domestic violence and once it starts forget it...what are you going to do? hit himeverytime he gets on your nerves? the only reason ever to hit the other party is if its on self defense...physically not by words they say...you crossed a line...that was poor judgment...if he wanted he could have call the police and you get arrested on the spot in most states...but besides that wether he cheats or cheated or whatever it is he's done if I were him I would not come back...for the simple reason that you crossed a major line and it is unacceptable
Author ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Classic example of having your cake and eating it too. The dude wants to still be dating other women while having you to go to as a SURE thing because he knows he has you around the neck with a noose. This is just unacceptable behavior to put up with from someone and i would suggest you go back to NC. If he comes back around again you clearly tell him that if he wants to be with you then he has to make a choice as to what he wants either you or to still date others and you do not back down from it. If you wanted to make it a game (which is not right BUT if you wanted to go there) tell him you thought about it and you think it would be best if he DID see other women because you are unsure as to how you feel now and want to see what else is out there too. If he truly wanted to be back with you and just you he wouldn't have hesitated to delete those numbers right then and there. Hi Nightlord! You are correct in every way and I will go NC. I Do Not under any circumstances want to play games with him. I don't like the. I am being up front and honest. I do want him to come back to me but I don't want to chase after him because he's been playing me for a fool. I don't want to be a fool anymore. I hit him, I regret I lost my cool. I want him back. Will he come back? Do you think, he'll come back?
Author ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Hi there...Ithink is very strange that he wouldn't delete those numbers when you asked for it if he had already promised to correct? I find it very fishy...almost as if he wants to keep them or go home write them down then delete to make you happy...yes relationships aren't perfect and sometimes they can get messy but you lost your cool and hit him...that is wrong and a big no no its called domestic violence and once it starts forget it...what are you going to do? hit himeverytime he gets on your nerves? the only reason ever to hit the other party is if its on self defense...physically not by words they say...you crossed a line...that was poor judgment...if he wanted he could have call the police and you get arrested on the spot in most states...but besides that wether he cheats or cheated or whatever it is he's done if I were him I would not come back...for the simple reason that you crossed a major line and it is unacceptable Yes, I was wrong and I apologized via voicemail. I am not a violent person by nature. I let my emotional anger manifest physically. He hurt me yesterday. I am paying for it. I want him back. Tell me how to get him back not scold me for something I have already acknowledged and apologized for.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hi Nightlord! You are correct in every way and I will go NC. I Do Not under any circumstances want to play games with him. I don't like the. I am being up front and honest. I do want him to come back to me but I don't want to chase after him because he's been playing me for a fool. I don't want to be a fool anymore. I hit him, I regret I lost my cool. I want him back. Will he come back? Do you think, he'll come back? I don't think what you did to him was so detrimental that he wouldn't come back. He WILL realize why you did what you did because you were just frustrated, upset, angry, and everything else. Guys that don't strike women or aren't abusive will know that whenever a woman hits them it was because they hurt them and it will make the guy feel SO guilty. Trust me on this. He will feel guilty about what he did and how he handled it and he will come back around at some point. Whenever a guy feels guilt it will ALWAYS be there especially if they really love someone. Since you don't want to play games then go NC and again whenever he comes back around you number one do not cave in so easily to him and number two as I said before, you clearly tell him if he wants to be with you then it is you and you ALONE. If he can't do that then there is no need for him to come barking up your tree anymore.
Author ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 i asked you not to say that for it does not explain why a you want to stay with a guy that gives you "months of anger, frustration, lies, broken promises, and disappointments". if your not interested in actually learning form his experience (and what to play games; "I'm getting away from him, I want him to come to me.") then I will answer your question: will ihe come back to you? yes, next time he is horny I think that was the point. He probably only wanted sex from me. I want "us" to learn from our experience. I want us to grow from this and be a stronger couple. I don't like being away from him. I've dated other men. I only want him. I want him back because we've had good times together. He's a good person. Months are minimal when compared to 4 years of being together. How can I make him come back and make it last this time?
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I think that was the point. He probably only wanted sex from me. I want "us" to learn from our experience. I want us to grow from this and be a stronger couple. I don't like being away from him. I've dated other men. I only want him. I want him back because we've had good times together. He's a good person. Months are minimal when compared to 4 years of being together. How can I make him come back and make it last this time? There isn't any guarentee you can make it work again if both your hearts aren't in it. Yours may be but his may not be even if you go back together. If you both fully want to work things out then thats good but it takes work on both parties not just yours or not just his. You would have to see what the issues were that were causing the problems in the relationship to begin with that caused the break up and try to smooth those over and to stay CONSISTENT with keeping them smoothed over. There is no magic formula in keeping someone around no matter how you are or what you do. There are only methods that can be used to get attraction back but once it is back keeping it is the hard part.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Ms.Stressed, I replied to one of your posts in the second chances forum and got no response, I replied here and got no response. You seem to only want to see things how you prefer them to be and you seem to ignore or block out anyone who tells you anything different. I'm not saying what I did to insult you, but rather to englighten you and make you think. Many, MANY- and I being one of them until recently, do not know how to tell the difference between love and lies. We go on believing everything that is told to us, while all the actions of the other person is a total contradiction of those words. The smartest lesson I have ever learned in life and relationships, is that no matter how sweet the sound of words, always watch the persons ACTIONS, not just them making a declaration of an action either that's still only words; but their actual ACTIONS. That is how you can always be assured you are being told the truth or not. This man does not show loving actions towards you, only selfish ones.
Author ms.stressed Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 There isn't any guarentee you can make it work again if both your hearts aren't in it. Yours may be but his may not be even if you go back together. If you both fully want to work things out then thats good but it takes work on both parties not just yours or not just his. You would have to see what the issues were that were causing the problems in the relationship to begin with that caused the break up and try to smooth those over and to stay CONSISTENT with keeping them smoothed over. There is no magic formula in keeping someone around no matter how you are or what you do. There are only methods that can be used to get attraction back but once it is back keeping it is the hard part. Nightlord, I swear you are such a blessing. I hope you can continue to give me good advice as I go donw this journey. Thank you so much. Is it okay if I come to you for guidance from a male perspective?
Author ms.stressed Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 Ms.Stressed, I replied to one of your posts in the second chances forum and got no response, I replied here and got no response. You seem to only want to see things how you prefer them to be and you seem to ignore or block out anyone who tells you anything different. I'm not saying what I did to insult you, but rather to englighten you and make you think. Many, MANY- and I being one of them until recently, do not know how to tell the difference between love and lies. We go on believing everything that is told to us, while all the actions of the other person is a total contradiction of those words. The smartest lesson I have ever learned in life and relationships, is that no matter how sweet the sound of words, always watch the persons ACTIONS, not just them making a declaration of an action either that's still only words; but their actual ACTIONS. That is how you can always be assured you are being told the truth or not. This man does not show loving actions towards you, only selfish ones. I want us to work. I've been with other men and non compare to him. I love him. Call me stupid or crazy or unenlighted, but I'm in love. Going by your definition, he doesn't love me, but I know different. I know he loves me. We just need to get pass the BS. Relationships aren't perfect. Love isn't perfect. Love isn't this storybook romance.I've never met anyone who said that they're mates were perfect but they were the one they chose to be with and vice versa. It's not settling, it's not abusive, it's wanting to be with the one person who makes you happy. The one person whose face you want to see at the end of the day. They person you want to go home to.
NightLord1 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Nightlord, I swear you are such a blessing. I hope you can continue to give me good advice as I go donw this journey. Thank you so much. Is it okay if I come to you for guidance from a male perspective? Of course. That is why I signed up here to give what help that I can.
hoping2heal Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I want us to work. I've been with other men and non compare to him. They don't compare to him how? I love him. Call me stupid or crazy or unenlighted, but I'm in love. Going by your definition, he doesn't love me, Oh, no it's hardly my definition. When someone speaks the truth their actions line up according to them. That's not something I ever invented or came up with, it's just a universal truth. Like "what comes up must come down". People can agree or disagree with it, but it's a universal truth that cannot be changed. but I know different. I know he loves me. Well, you HOPE he loves you. I don't feel that a man who cheats on a woman, lies about it, you break up; get back together and he wants to continue playing games, and refuses to be transparent with you; showing he's not at all interested in how his actions have made you feel. It doesn't matter what he's saying, the way he's acting is not the way one acts towards someone they love. We just need to get pass the BS. He isn't showing any effort he wants to stop the BS he's causing, that you need to get past. Relationships aren't perfect. Love isn't perfect. Love isn't this storybook romance. Of course it isn't. What baffles me though, is how people use that as an excuse when their partner constantly disrespects them, is unfaithful, breaks their trust and refuses to work on rebuilding it, etc. It's always some goofy line about "Well nothing is easy, no one is perfect." It doesn't get you anywhere. Staying with someone who abuses your trust and disrespects you and refuses to show any genuine effort to change will not make them suddenly "love" you. It will make them say, hmm sucker . I've got it made here. I've never met anyone who said that they're mates were perfect but they were the one they chose to be with and vice versa. Agreed. It's not settling, Well, call me crazy but I'm pretty sure choosing a man who is unfaithful, disrespectful, still lying to you, and still showing no remorse for his actions, when you COULD have a man who is respectful, faithful, honest with you is well, settling, yeah. it's not abusive, it's wanting to be with the one person who makes you happy. So it made you feel happy knowing he says he loves you, and beds other women? It makes you feel happy when you have to wonder if he's telling you the truth about another girl? It makes you feel happy when he turned the tables on you, because you asked him to remove numbers from his phone; showing no remorse AT ALL for what he's done. That makes you happy? I see. The one person whose face you want to see at the end of the day. They person you want to go home to. Well, seeing how he isn't sorry he cheated on you the first time, you can bet he's going to be doing it again soon, and congratulations you have now let him know you will tolerate this behavior so he is a free doggy to roam the pound. You're going to start getting sick of his face sooner than you think, I'm betting.
MSUE Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Yes, I was wrong and I apologized via voicemail. I am not a violent person by nature. I let my emotional anger manifest physically. He hurt me yesterday. I am paying for it. I want him back. Tell me how to get him back not scold me for something I have already acknowledged and apologized for. I truly don't know how you can get him back...you already apologized that's a good start...I dunno...hmmmsend I really don't know besides apologizing what you can do...please take time to think though...because its very likely taht he will continue to have fun with the girls...can you handle an open relationship? I mean maybe if you propose that and are cool with it might help?
GrayClouds Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 ms.stressed. you convinced me. he sounds perfect for you. i think all he needs is a little times and he will see that your love is a once in a life time love. his happiness is dependent on yours. one day soon he will come on the wings of doves and while a symphony will play, a golden light from the heavens will shine and he will be in your arms again. is that what your waiting to hear?
boogieboy Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 H2H you can keep trying, but she is hopelessly addicted to him, he fed her his elixer, hes got her mind in check, and theres no getting through. She wont be ready for the real truth for a few more breakups.
Author ms.stressed Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 You guys are right. He doesn't respect me like I want him to. He just texted me tonight and I ignored it. I have to see if I am who he wants. I am in love. I am hoping that we'll be okay but right now all I am doing is crying and hoping for things to get better. I'm going NC. I'm hurting and angry. Why did he text me only to say g'night? I don't understand. Help me guys. I want us back the way we were before. Happy and trusting and monogomous. Help me show him how serious I am. What to do?
Author ms.stressed Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 Of course. That is why I signed up here to give what help that I can. He just texted me g'night (that's exactly what he texted btw). I didn't respond. How long should I not respond?
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