Found out...

[Beeotch]

Through my sister and a highlight that popped up on my facebook that my ex is in a relationship....

 

I did a great job of pretty much ignoring him and I haven't initiated contact with him in a month and some (he has texted me once, IMed me once and spoken to me on Twitter a couple times and I reply but it was not anything lengthy)....I felt like I had been the one doing all the initiating and all that and the last we spoke on the phone in June he was the one saying we should hang out when I got back from a trip and he never followed up so I pretty much went NC and left it there. He initiated lame contact but I decided I would only respond every now and again as I really did not want to ignore him like I hated him but I wasn't going to pursue him.

 

My reaction when I found out last night was a kick in the stomach then I started laughing hysterically...literally I was laughing like a nut case and I couldn't control it. Then I thought you know what I do not even believe him...I think he is either 1. Doing it for attention because he has realized I do not speak to him so this would surely fire me up and that's his way to test me (and it almost worked, I am fired up and I felt like I would ask him about it but I restrained myself) or 2. Even if he is in a new relationship, I feel it is a sham and it will not last.

 

I was also surprised that after my hysterical laughing, maybe 1/2 hour later I felt sick to my stomach and that sinking feeling like when we first broke up and I started freaaaaaking out! I felt like whatever progress I made was fake and I felt desperate and terrible. I felt like calling him, texting him, emailing him, asking him just oh so you have a new girl now....just to find out SOME information about this new situation. Thankfully I did not. But what scared me most was how one little (or big) thing could have me spiralling back to a place that I came from.

 

 

Before this I was at a place whre yes I thought about him..but I was more nonchalant about him and I guess that was because I felt that he was pretending to have a great time and I could see through his charade and that he actually was thinking of me but didn't know how to apologize....so I would leave him alone and eventually he would atleast reach out and acknowledge his wrongs and all that jazz. But then finding out he is in a relationship makes me feel like wow welll....I guess he has moved on, how fair is that?

 

My intuition is almost always on the money and I strongly get the feeling like this relationship is fake...but in anycase, it also in some ways helps me to say you know what: fake or real, I can't know for 100%. So this time around I am starting from SCRATCH! In that I am going to take this as the door is CLOSED for good and I am going to erase him from my memory and all other traces.

 

I had let him go maybe about 60% but I felt like I was really in limbo..a period of unknown, period of waiting (as our breakup was supposed to be a break and not fully a break up)....but now I know exactly how it is and there is no guesswork...so in some ways it is bittersweet, like a painful release from limbo but atleast now I am free 100% to move on.

 

Part of me also feels that sense of maybe if I had been speaking to him then perhaps this would not have happened...but I KNOW that is just an irrational line of thinking as I used to speak to him before and nothing came of it and I felt like I was just being available...so it is no way a reflection of anything I did wrong...but ofcourse I still feel that sense of wellll....I have shown ZERO interest in him for a while now so perhaps he took that as a sign of no return with me so might as well move on.

 

 

ANywaaaay just venting I just want this to be over with. All these feelings. I cannot wait for the day when this is a vague memory. I feel like I hae been going through this for so long and I also cannot imagine going through another heartbreak like this in the future...like that is also the SCARY thought. Before in relationships...I was never scared but now feeling how I feel and how I have felt for the past couple months...I am like OMG I can't go through this again...cannnot! I don't have the strength.

[Starshine Black]

You laughed hysterically because that is your defense mechanism. Probably before you get really pissed, you laugh. Many people have this.

[Beeotch]

You laughed hysterically because that is your defense mechanism. Probably before you get really pissed, you laugh. Many people have this.

 

LOL...I figured that much. That was the least of my concerns in this post though but thanks lol

[silic0ntoad]

To be honest, for three reasons, I wouldn't pay this whole Facebook status change much heed:

 

1. It may be to provoke a reaction.

 

2. Most of the time >90% rebound relationships fail.

 

3. You and hime, for now, are over.

 

I've learned that unless YOU want it to be, nothing is final, save death. I have always had ex's come back. Normally, I tell them to F off. I dated this one girl for a few months back right after I got out of HS. I broke it off with her because I wasn't ready to commit. About 4 years down the road, and we were dating again. Granted it never worked, but it seems, they usually come back. At least once. IDK why, or for what reason, but they do.

 

I would ignore the BS, because honestly, it won't end up working out, as most people are the rule, not the exception, if it's even true in the first place.

[Beeotch]

To be honest, for three reasons, I wouldn't pay this whole Facebook status change much heed:

 

1. It may be to provoke a reaction.

 

2. Most of the time >90% rebound relationships fail.

 

3. You and hime, for now, are over.

 

I've learned that unless YOU want it to be, nothing is final, save death. I have always had ex's come back. Normally, I tell them to F off. I dated this one girl for a few months back right after I got out of HS. I broke it off with her because I wasn't ready to commit. About 4 years down the road, and we were dating again. Granted it never worked, but it seems, they usually come back. At least once. IDK why, or for what reason, but they do.

 

I would ignore the BS, because honestly, it won't end up working out, as most people are the rule, not the exception, if it's even true in the first place.

 

Thanks

 

The funny thing is...I don't want him...I guess I just want to know he wants me or that I was special or that the relationship wasn't a lie. But if he came back I would NOT take him back. He would have to do sooo much and change so much, and I doubt he can so I wouldn't accept him.

 

It is annoying because in my mind I know I don't want him...I even have an actual list of things I hate about it him and none are petty, all are serious stuff but it is like still I get sad and have these emotions. I just want to be done with the feelings. I want them to catch up with my mind and what I know rationally.

[mickleb]

I really feel for you here, sweetie. I get that 'accepting it rationally' but a part of you just can't believe his feelings are so unlike yours.

 

Perhaps they are not so disimilar, though. Perhaps he can't stand having all those same feelings you have had and so has decided to use a female elastoplast instead of continuing to lick his wounds.

 

It is so hard - the not knowing. The speculation. But, like you said - this is some closure. It's very hard to begin again when you don't know what's happening. He has set you free by doing this.

 

He may find this is the biggest mistake of his life but maybe he'll never really learn anything unless he makes his own mistakes?

 

I do think that agreeing to be on a break with someone, then fudging up the contact you both had, then jumping into a relationship and choosing to publicise that on Facebook spells trouble. It's all a little sudden. I mean, if he was dating or something, that's one thing but to SAY 'I'm in a relationship, already' - that's like he's trying to convince himself.

 

Who knows? Just stick with what you do know. He has lost you. He's a fkn idiot.

 

All the progress you have made will return. It's all inside you and you will regain all that strength very soon. This process is full of kicks in the gut but this will be the hardest of them. Get over this and you're almost home and dry.

 

You will be fine. Take care of yourself. xx

[Beeotch]

I really feel for you here, sweetie. I get that 'accepting it rationally' but a part of you just can't believe his feelings are so unlike yours.

 

Perhaps they are not so disimilar, though. Perhaps he can't stand having all those same feelings you have had and so has decided to use a female elastoplast instead of continuing to lick his wounds.

 

It is so hard - the not knowing. The speculation. But, like you said - this is some closure. It's very hard to begin again when you don't know what's happening. He has set you free by doing this.

 

He may find this is the biggest mistake of his life but maybe he'll never really learn anything unless he makes his own mistakes?

 

I do think that agreeing to be on a break with someone, then fudging up the contact you both had, then jumping into a relationship and choosing to publicise that on Facebook spells trouble. It's all a little sudden. I mean, if he was dating or something, that's one thing but to SAY 'I'm in a relationship, already' - that's like he's trying to convince himself.

 

Who knows? Just stick with what you do know. He has lost you. He's a fkn idiot.

 

All the progress you have made will return. It's all inside you and you will regain all that strength very soon. This process is full of kicks in the gut but this will be the hardest of them. Get over this and you're almost home and dry.

 

You will be fine. Take care of yourself. xx

 

This was sooo encouraging...you have no idea. I needed to hear that

 

But yes...I have a feeling this is a bit sudden and fallacious but in any event that is HIS problem and this girl's problem. Not mine. I KNOW I did right by him and therefore I can proceed without guilt or regrets. I know I am an EXCELLENT catch and even he said so himself time and again.

 

He is an idiot...really he is. And he has a plethora of issues and it is actually a good thing for me not to be with him anymore....as when we broke up, he did it technically but it was because I brought up issues I had...so I think he broke up with me because he felt I was gonna break up with him 1st.

 

That makes me feel a lot better...thanks ALOT

[mickleb]

You're so welcome.

 

I know you're an excellent catch, too! It takes one to know one, see

 

You've learnt from this experience, already. He's given himself no time to do this. He'll just drag all those issues you pointed out to him into his new 'relationship'. And the next. And, maybe, the next one. Then he'll probably realise you were right all along and remember how good you were for him.

 

Du-oh!

 

You're a capital I and you don't need a lower-case i creating (as ms.stressed says) 'emotional goulash' around you. Now, do you?

 

I know it's too early but I bet your next man will be better in bed. Just got this feeling..!

 

xx

[Beeotch]

You're so welcome.

 

I know you're an excellent catch, too! It takes one to know one, see

 

You've learnt from this experience, already. He's given himself no time to do this. He'll just drag all those issues you pointed out to him into his new 'relationship'. And the next. And, maybe, the next one. Then he'll probably realise you were right all along and remember how good you were for him.

 

Du-oh!

 

You're a capital I and you don't need a lower-case i creating (as ms.stressed says) 'emotional goulash' around you. Now, do you?

 

I know it's too early but I bet your next man will be better in bed. Just got this feeling..!

 

xx

 

You are toooo amazing! Thanks...you seem like an excellent friend!

[IceIceBaby]

Aahh, this thread was quite helpful to me.

 

Beeotch - I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years and he just walked away. I totally know how you feel when you say you were looking for some sort of proof that he loved you and that you were special and that he thinks about you. My boyfriend just let it all go without a fight even though there were so many things he could have done to help the relationship. I would never take him back, but part of me wanted him to fight for it a little. Oh well, what can you do? Lessons learned I guess.

[nature]

Why do you even have him on your Facebook still? What I would do right now, is click delete and remove him. You are keeping yourself involved in "the game". Show him you are gone.

[nature]

Beeotch...remove him from your Facebook. On Aug 10th, you just wrote someone else this advice:

 

To be frank: if you've been checking his myspace you have not been in NC.

 

So I suggest you start now...by not looking at his page.

 

Perhaps then NC will do you some good.

 

So now take your own advice, and remove yourself from the torment and the game

[Beeotch]

Why do you even have him on your Facebook still? What I would do right now, is click delete and remove him. You are keeping yourself involved in "the game". Show him you are gone.

 

I deleted him from the things that bothered me (Twitter for ex. once I go on my page I can see whatever he is posting and whomever he is commenting on etc, on yahoo I could see when he was online but not speaking to me and it made me paranoid, deleted him out of my phone because when I scrolled for numbers I would see his and be pissed off)...but Facebook...he didn't bother me on there because he does not use it often so I NEVER see any updates about him popping up every second or anything. I myself don't use Facebook much either so even if he were posting every second...I wouln't know because I don't go on it that much.

 

My sister happened to go on it and see it...and told me and that's how I knew. If she had not done that, perhaps right now I would be unaware because I NEVER check his page.

 

I am going to delete him off my Facebook...however, I did not want to do it right after he put up in a relationship..because if it IS a ploy to make me react then he will know that "all of a sudden" a day or so after his new status I magically delete him. I didn't want him to even THINK that it flustered me or I saw or cared. So I decided I would delete himsome weeks from now where it won't seem like an obvious reaction to this new status.

[Beeotch]

Beeotch...remove him from your Facebook. On Aug 10th, you just wrote someone else this advice:

 

To be frank: if you've been checking his myspace you have not been in NC.

 

So I suggest you start now...by not looking at his page.

 

Perhaps then NC will do you some good.

 

So now take your own advice, and remove yourself from the torment and the game

 

See post above..

[Beeotch]

Aahh, this thread was quite helpful to me.

 

Beeotch - I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years and he just walked away. I totally know how you feel when you say you were looking for some sort of proof that he loved you and that you were special and that he thinks about you. My boyfriend just let it all go without a fight even though there were so many things he could have done to help the relationship. I would never take him back, but part of me wanted him to fight for it a little. Oh well, what can you do? Lessons learned I guess.

 

Yepp...

 

To be in their heads for a day...wouldn't that be interesting lol