gulfman1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Not long ago I discovered my wife of 6 years and the mother of my two children had been having an emotional and physical affair with a coworker. This was a complete surprise. We had a strong relationship. Not perfect, but healthy. The affair progressed from flirting, to electronic chat, to hardcore sex chat, and finally a physical connection between them. She swears that the physical connection was simply a make out session, but I do not believe her. She has not been honest about the affair. I am certain that she continues to reach out to this man (they are both teachers, and are not in school now). He apparently is no longer interested in any interaction, but she continues to pursue. At first I demanded that she not return to work in Sept., or see this person ever again. Soon after I realized that I can not control her. I then told her to do what ever she wants, but the consequences will be legal separation. I love my wife, and I know she loves me. We are attending counseling, but it does not seem to be helping. What advice can there be for someone in my situation? I don't want to leave her, but I see no other viable option for myself. I can't live in a relationship with someone who is not honest, and someone who does not respect me as I do her. Advise please????
phineas Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Have you contacted OM to see what he has to say? Is he married?
Author gulfman1 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I have confronted him. He is married. He told me the exact same story as she did. Seemed co-collaborated. The only discrepancy was exactly where the physical interaction took place.
TrustInYourself Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Legally separate and start moving towards divorce. You are not forcing this decision, she is. She doesn't deserve your love and respect, regardless of how good the marriage has been. She needs to understand her actions have consequences. Your actions have indicated that she can cheat and you will only try harder to please her. Your actions need to indicate, that you are not playing around here. Her desire to see other men ends now or you and her end now.
LisaUk Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hi, personally I think you have every right to ask that she change schools/jobs and cease all contact with the OM. The extent of how far the physical side things went is not the issue, she cheated. The decision is hers, you are not controlling her, you are ASKING that she respect your boundaries. It makes you uncomfortable (understandably) for her to have contact with OM. In addition by taking a strong stand on this, you will be able to reinforce the need for complete honesty on moving forward. I wish I had set boundaries with my ex, perhaps if I had, I would not have allowed him to string me along for 18 years, maybe he would not have treated me like a doormat. Something I will def be taking in to my next relationship.
mark982 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 i bet om's wife would be quite interested in their "make out" session.
phineas Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 i bet om's wife would be quite interested in their "make out" session. I was thinking the exact same thing.
lkjh Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Tell the OM's wife, don't chase your wife, let her see what she is losing, and most important man up. Don't feel sorry for her, don't take the blame, completely turn the tables on her. Make her take a lie detector test to prove herself. When you stop being nice she will chase you.
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