JLT123 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I think we can all agree, after a breakup we always welcome the 'highs' because it's liberating, and we no longer have that overwhelming anxiety, but for me, personally, I almost find it distressing because it's then when I start to almost not care, and I don't want to not care.. I find that true love is so hard to find that letting it go is almost like a destruction of faith. Does anyone else feel this way?
silic0ntoad Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Absolutely. I agree. But sometimes you don't have a choice but to let go. My current ex was everything I had ever wanted- we did everything together, rarely fought, etc. It was excellent. Then one day, she split. She hadn't given me a real reason. She threw up no warning flags/signs. I swear, looking back on it, hindsight is 20/20, and in my case, there really were no warnings. But what choice do I have? Or any of us? None of us are here for fun. We are here to heal, and move on. If the love of your life walked out on you, they never were really the love of your life to begin with, because the love of your life should want nothing more than to be with you.
Author JLT123 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Yes, I agree completely.. the other side of the coin is the obsession thing, which is almost a form of addiction. I go through these periods of 'white knuckling' where all I want to do is run to her to express everything, which would be considered a 'low', and I have to essentially train my mind to seperate my emotions from what my head is telling me is the right decision. All of that being said, sadly, if she were to call me in 5 seconds to reconcile, I would gladly do it, which is sad considering the things that were said to me the last time we spoke. I would've never expected a woman to have this much of an effect on me, but as the saying goes, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants.
silic0ntoad Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 The last time my ex and I spoke it was me saying bad sh*t. I told her she had no clue what she really wanted, and if she treats people like this, I don't want to be her boyfriend. I also advised her to leave me the hell alone, so I could clean up her mess by myself. When she left, she left me with a 5000$ engagement ring, a $5000 surgery bill for our (her dog, but ours none the less), and questions unanswered. So, I know what you mean. The highs are great. But the lows mainly strike me while I am at work or alone. It sucks.
Author JLT123 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 The last time my ex and I spoke it was me saying bad sh*t. I told her she had no clue what she really wanted, and if she treats people like this, I don't want to be her boyfriend. I also advised her to leave me the hell alone, so I could clean up her mess by myself. When she left, she left me with a 5000$ engagement ring, a $5000 surgery bill for our (her dog, but ours none the less), and questions unanswered. So, I know what you mean. The highs are great. But the lows mainly strike me while I am at work or alone. It sucks. Yes, when I'm at work it's the hardest definitely because I have to put on a good face. Speaking with friends definitely brings a 'high' because they bring me back to square one and keep me level headed, but when it's just me and I can't control what I think, that's when the 'meltdown' occurs. The worst part of it all is I've been talking with this person that I am attracted to, who's personality is everything my ex's wasn't (in a good way), and we can talk with one another for hours on the phone and never run out of things to say, and sadly, I still pine away for the ex. So blanking frustrating.
gypsi Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Thats whats going thru my head everyday i threw away the love of my life, i have honestly never felt that way about anyone....and now i am sitting here thinking "what if i never find this again?" It took my forever to find someone like her, i wish i had been in relationships before so i knew how to treat something so special but she was my first true love i was never with anyone because i never felt that spark with them. Everyday when i wake up apart of me wants to run to her and fight for her love back its like something inside of me that cant die, i cant let her go it is def. an addiction, honestly everyone else bore's me everything looks grey the world is just not the same anymore without her. I know everyone else was left without reason but she left me for her own valid reasons which i totally understand it breaks my heart that i put her thru so much pain aswell. She use to cry on the phone for months saying she misses me and loves me but i have hurt her to much. To me this is a worse situation then someone leaving you with out any reason. I hate myself everyday for my actions i cant be angry with her....how am i suppose to get over her? I think she finally just focused on the negative aspect of the relationship and built up enough anger to let herself get over me, this happened two months ago, she was still keen to get back with me and forgive me but one day she just turned cold and lashed out at me telling me how blindsighted she was by love and how angry she is at herself for allowing me to treat her the way i did. I miss her so much its driving me crazy, i miss the physical side i miss the phone calls everyday, *** i just cant let go...
Author JLT123 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I verbalized this in a previous thread, but throughout virtually every relationship I've been in I have been able to brush my shoulders off. It really never affected me in this way. no other women are as beautiful to me as she was.. not that I don't find other women beautiful, but seriously, I just can't get to that point, which is probably just a great reason for me to focus on healing myself first and not date anyone, but I am looking for anything to assist with getting through this, and honestly, there have been a couple dates I've been on where that was the only time the thought of her didn't enter my mind, so I suppose I have to feed off of that. I actually had an email typed up that listed everything I loved about her and have yet to send it. I just keep it in my head that if you let something go, before long, it will come back to you. As instinctful as I was when she broke up with me that it was going to be the last straw for her, am just as instinctful that one day down the line I will hear from her again, and I will be with someone else in a better place.. that is when I will be forced with a very tough choice.
silic0ntoad Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Maybe. I've rarely been wrong on many relationship decisions. I've almost always called them out. But this time, my gut is telling me one thing, my head is telling me another, and my heart is telling me yet another. So IDK. I am trying to ignore them all and steam roll ahead. My issue was the break up. Now it's the fallout- dealing with the dog alone is a pain (He has issues, yesterday got into a dog fight with 2 other dogs.), the finances of her departure, etc. So yeah, while I am in a tough spot, I have to focus on the good, which seems hard to come by these days.
Beeotch Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I know the feeling but right about now I am praying for that "Don't care" zone...as I just found out my ex is in a relationship and the more I reflect is the more I am upset and think that he didn't deserve me and it was not "true love" on his part so I DO NOT want to waste my energies and emotions on these thoughts about him and feelings.... So I am truly praying and looking forward to being at a place of indifference towards him
Author JLT123 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Indifference is definitely the opposite of love... not hate.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Indifference is definitely the opposite of love... not hate. You can still be indifferent and caring. To me indifference isn't the opposite of love its just a natural attitude choice you take on to have confidence and self respect for yourself. I'm not so sure there is such a thing as love. People have all their own opinions on it but I believe that love is when you go through hell and back with someone and they stay with you through everything and do not screw you over. To me love is on a plane all by itself but seeing the way of the world today and the women that are out there doing what they do it literally blows my mind. They do not seem to have any clue what love is and even if they did they do not know what to do with it. I'm done with relationships right now i'm just going to date casually and if someone i'm seeing wants to get deeper i'm flat out telling them I do not want to be tied down. Every road that I take always seems to end up down at the same dead end anyway. Just better to keep it lose and have fun then keep getting screwed over by women who say they want to be loved but then they all turn around and do the complete opposite of what they say they want. Actions speak louder then words.
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