Omega3 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I seem to still have trouble moving on. We dated/lived with each other for 2 years. We broke up on good terms. My ex and I quit dating approximately 8 weeks ago. She, like many dumpers, already had her next guy lined up. That same guy broke up with his girlfriend to be with her the following week. Well, something happened. Apparently the guy decided he wasn't sure he wanted to leave his ex, so he's had my ex on hold. This gave me hope, thinking she'd realize he's not in it, and come back. Here it is 8 weeks down the road, and I've been told he's not with his ex, but he's not with my ex either. I don't know anything more than that, nor do I really want to. About 4 weeks ago I went limited contact with her, about 2 weeks ago, I cut all contact. I figured whatever happens will run it's course, nothing I can do can change that. She used this guy as a crutch to get out of our relationship, so she's determined to see it out with him. I've been living off the hope that he'd go back to his ex, or the fact that he's had 7+ weeks to "date" my ex, and he still hasn't done so. I've assumed this is a lack of interest in my ex, she'd pick up on this, and maybe show some interest in me. I guess I need to remove my false hope. If it's meant to be, she'll come back, if not, I'll find someone else. So hard to do though since I was hit out of the blue when we broke up.
Ilovecake Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 You would take her back after the way she treated you? You don't need sloppy second and the chances that she'll leave you again as soon as someone better comes along are pretty good. I would say cut all contact with her and move on. It's not easy but in the long run you'll be happier for it. Good luck.
Author Omega3 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 You would take her back after the way she treated you? You don't need sloppy second and the chances that she'll leave you again as soon as someone better comes along are pretty good. I would say cut all contact with her and move on. It's not easy but in the long run you'll be happier for it. Good luck. Sloppy Seconds? She wasn't a virgin when I met her. Sure, I could take her back, but I do agree there would be risk of her leaving again. There's risk in that with anyone, hence why there are so many threads on these forums. I have cut all contact, it's the moving on part that's hard.
Lyssa Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I have cut all contact, it's the moving on part that's hard. Moving on is hard but it's possible. Read other threads on this board - there are lots of advice from those who have moved on and still trying to.
Nedved Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Sloppy Seconds? She wasn't a virgin when I met her. Sure, I could take her back, but I do agree there would be risk of her leaving again. There's risk in that with anyone, hence why there are so many threads on these forums. I have cut all contact, it's the moving on part that's hard. Omega your doing no contact which is great but your obviously being informed by somebody of whats happening in your ex's life? You know the guy she left you for is not back with his ex or your ex so do you have a mutual friend feeding you information? This isn't good for you either as its building you up and knocking you down again. You need to stop searching for information on her for a start if you want to begin your healing process. I know its not easy. Regarding getting back with her i think you really need to ask yourself do you really want a person back that lost all feeling for you and got together with a guy one week after leaving a 2 year relationship with you? I'm not sure i could forgive a person for doing that to me and to be honest i think i'd hold it against her as the trust for me would be gone. I do agree if she done it once she could do it again. If and this is a big IF she dose make noises about trying again with you don't accept her back with open arms. She hurt you bad already and the last thing you want her thinking is she can have you back anytime she likes and then you will effectively become her doormat. To be honest though your better off trying to move on now and get it over and done with. Your only prolonging your pain with this false hope. She has feelings for this other guy and like you she's prob living in hope. Maybe she will regret leaving you for him but thats her loss. Your prob focusing on the positive stuff about her but remember how hurt you were when she told you that she was leaving and her feelings were gone and one week later she hooked up with another guy? Really focus on those painful thoughts when you think of her and as i said earlier really ask yourself do you want a person like that in your life? You deserve so much better than that.
Author Omega3 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Omega your doing no contact which is great but your obviously being informed by somebody of whats happening in your ex's life? You know the guy she left you for is not back with his ex or your ex so do you have a mutual friend feeding you information? This isn't good for you either as its building you up and knocking you down again. You need to stop searching for information on her for a start if you want to begin your healing process. I know its not easy. Regarding getting back with her i think you really need to ask yourself do you really want a person back that lost all feeling for you and got together with a guy one week after leaving a 2 year relationship with you? I'm not sure i could forgive a person for doing that to me and to be honest i think i'd hold it against her as the trust for me would be gone. I do agree if she done it once she could do it again. If and this is a big IF she dose make noises about trying again with you don't accept her back with open arms. She hurt you bad already and the last thing you want her thinking is she can have you back anytime she likes and then you will effectively become her doormat. To be honest though your better off trying to move on now and get it over and done with. Your only prolonging your pain with this false hope. She has feelings for this other guy and like you she's prob living in hope. Maybe she will regret leaving you for him but thats her loss. Your prob focusing on the positive stuff about her but remember how hurt you were when she told you that she was leaving and her feelings were gone and one week later she hooked up with another guy? Really focus on those painful thoughts when you think of her and as i said earlier really ask yourself do you want a person like that in your life? You deserve so much better than that. We do have mutual friends, but as of recently, I've asked them to not give me any information regarding her life. It's none of my business. Seems like each time I tell a mutual friend not to feed me information, another mutual friend tells me. So I have to re-explain it to them. I believe that I could get back with her, but I do agree it wouldn't be with open arms. Had she came back last month, probably, but each day that goes by I build up a wall against her. I hate to do that, as I'd like to see us back together pre-break up, possibly a few months before that actually. However, I know that won't happen. Were she to come back she'll needed to have changed, and the same goes for me. It'll have to be like a new relationship starting all over. I've tried focusing on the bad things, but it's hard. I think it's a mixture of various things that's keeping me from moving on. There's the pride thing of feeling like I failed. The desire for her to be with me instead of anyone else. Then the fact that I really did love her, which is the biggest of them all. That one stings the most. I know I need to move on, I realize there's nothing I can do to change the situation, yet moving on is so damn hard. The fact that she's still currently single, and the guy she was talking to is single, makes it that much harder. It gives me a false hope, but in reality if she wanted to be back with me, she'd make contact. Doesn't matter if it's 2 days from now or 2 years.
NopeNah Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 All you can do now is GO AWAY... and stay NC! She's "waiting" on this other guy and you're waiting on her... That's CRAZY! Time to man up! Hit the the gym, hang with YOUR friends, get your mind right, and realize that there are plenty of GREAT girls out there that would never put you through this!
Author Omega3 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 All you can do now is GO AWAY... and stay NC! She's "waiting" on this other guy and you're waiting on her... That's CRAZY! Time to man up! Hit the the gym, hang with YOUR friends, get your mind right, and realize that there are plenty of GREAT girls out there that would never put you through this! I agree, it is crazy. I thought about how weird that was too. I never quit going to the gym, still hang out with people, just haven't got my mind right.
Author Omega3 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Things seem to be changing. I found out that the guy my ex is chasing, doesn't really want to be with her. Chances are he's just sleeping with her on the side. At first it gave me hope that she would come back since she's clearly being strung along, but then I started realizing that if she were to come back, it wouldn't be the same girl I once knew. She has a new set of friends, of which this new guy is included in. On top of that, there'd always be that underlying feeling that I was placed in second. Part of me wants to overlook it and try to bring back things as they once were, should I ever get another chance. The other part says if I get a second chance, don't waste my time because it'll only end in failure due to her recent antics.
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