broken lily Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together for about one year now. About 6 months ago we got into our first serious argument. That argument was quite bad and ended up getting out of control. Since then there's been a series of arguments that have also ended up being very bad. I believe the main cause of the arguments getting out of control was that there was alcohol involved. I made the decision to stop drinking because it isn't worth taking the chance of having another really bad argument. The cause of the actual argument itself is usually because of insecurity issues I have. During last fight we had (about a month ago), he said that the relationship was over. Within two weeks after that fight, he had come to me to discuss what we could do to stop fighting and fix the relationship. He thought about it for a few more days and then called to tell me he wanted to give it another chance so we got back together. The problem I have right now is that because of the arguments and how bad they were, my boyfriend has told me that his feelings towards me have changed. It’s like he's emotionally unavailable now. When I'm having a bad day he has no support to offer. He has barely any tolerance for me and is easily irritated with me. He said he doesn't know how to handle this and he doesn't know how he can get his feelings for me back to the point it was at before things got really bad. He said taking a break isn’t necessary right now but he needs time to make a decision about what he wants to do and if he wants to be re-committed to our relationship. I realize how close I am to losing him. I realize that this is the consequence that I need to face because I let myself get out of control during our arguments. He means a lot to me and I want to do whatever I need to do to save this. I'm also afraid that things on his side are too far gone. I'm walking on eggshells right now and I don't know what to do or how to act because I don't want to irritate him. Is there anything I can do to make this situation better? I know I can’t make him change the way he feels, but I just don’t want to push him away any further than he already is....
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I realize how close I am to losing him. It isn't going to make any sense now, but you may come to find that losing him was the best thing that could have happened. It is not easy seeing past the fog spewing out of our own broken hearts, and it seems the only direction we can look in is backward to a time where we were happier and we spin our wheels in reverse trying to get back but in reality there is no way to reverse. Once the ride has moved forward and stalls, it is time to find a new ride so to speak. It is like opening the hood of an irretrievably broken down car and screaming at it to "fix itself". It just doesn't work that way. Pushing it won't work either. You'll find yourself doing all the work, pushing a car that is broken and can't be fixed. It will end only when you decide to stop pushing, and walk away. There is no way to express this in way you want to hear - but while you are in the process of salvaging this, you are missing out on opportunities to be with someone who will not make you feel this way. Someone who you will wake up to one day and think... "thank goodness I got away from that asshat, because I never would have met this awesome man". Like I said, that fog is thick though and I don't expect you will want to read what I wrote, but having been in and out of fog I can tell you with firm assuredness that you can and will find something ultimately better, and you will wonder why you ever wasted time being so unhappy with this guy. To put a fine point on it: you are with a guy who isn't even sure he wants to be with you. See how one sided that is? He said he doesn't know how to handle this and he doesn't know how he can get his feelings for me back If someone dared insult me like that, I'd tell him to catch the first raggedy-assed boat to F*ckOff Island. Sometimes it takes a shift in perspective to see exactly what it is you are trying to hold on to. The guy you loved and who loved you is gone, and is replaced with this guy. You sure you want who he is now?
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