borbiusle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 A quick recap on my breakup: We dated for about 6 months. I think the biggest problem in our relationship was that she wanted/needed to be around me everyday and she felt that I wasn't there for her enough. I didn't mind the attention in the least, we were both infatuated with each other, but I had set boundaries to keep everything else in my life in check (School, military obligations, gym, etc.) In the process, I slowly became accustomed to ignoring her(which I regret), despite alot of things she did on her end to work with me. I went on vacation for a month in July, we talked/txted/emailed but not enough I guess. I came back, surprised her with a bracelet I got her, lit candles for her, massaged each other, and we had a great night together in bed, everything seemed fine. The following day, she went on a trip with her family to her brother's wedding. She came back at first, crying about all the problems in her life to me, she doesn't know what to do or think, and tells me she loves me. The next day, she is very cold and distant, and gave me very ambigious answers(alot of "I don't knows") when I asked if she still wanted a relationship with me. I show up at 6am, uninvited, to her house and that's when she finally told me she lost all the feelings she had for me. The worst part is, she told me she felt this way 2 weeks before I went on vacation. We had some very intimate/deep conversations over the phone while I was on vacation, and hearing this made me feel it was all an act, a charade to string me along. I called her a liar and a waste of time, accused her of cheating, she said I was immature, and we parted ways on that note, I initiated NC right then and there.Today, I decided I was going to clear my car trunk out of all her things forever, sort of an experiment on myself, to see if it would help me get over her. I bagged everything up, took it down to the range, and pretty much used the stuff as target practice. After about an hour of Rambo debauchery, not feeling much different emotionally, but the fresh air was very nice , I drive back and get the worst flat tire of my life. Smoke pours everywhere, sparks are flying off my front tire, and shreds of rubber fly all over the road(Karma maybe?). Anyways, I fix that up and then I get a txt from her about an hour later "Hey Josh, how've you been?" I laugh to myself at first at the irony of it all, and then slowly, all kinds of mixed emotions creep up on me, both good and bad. I'm torn between simply ignoring her and trying to move on or responding with something simple to see where it leads. To be honest, I don't think my head is in the right place right now to start talking to her on a regular basis, but in my mind, I feel like this is my only chance to somehow reconcile before she's gone forever. Tell me what yall think.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 She texted you dude don't jump out of your skin if your thinking she wants you back because she doesn't...at least not yet anyway. She is "checking in" on you to see if your still around and are still there. I would respond back to it but just keep it simple like "i'm doing good." I wouldn't ask her how she has been either but that is just my opinion.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I wouldn't pin hopes on a reconciliation. If she wanted you back, she'd make far more of an effort than a text.
LostInLimbo Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I wouldn't pin hopes on a reconciliation. If she wanted you back, she'd make far more of an effort than a text. I'd say nothing, to me it sounds like she maybe keeping that foot in the door and you as a backup...been there, but could be wrong.. LiL
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I'd reply F U and keep it moving, why is she contacting you like it's nothing. You gotta do better than that. An apology would be nice. I also believe she slept with someone and couldnt own up to it. Sounds like you did nothing wrong. Emotionally something happened with her.
trueblue72ny Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 id have to agree with nightlord. if you want to talk to her, just be nice. but dont talk about things. dont act like a sore loser over it. show her you are better than that. but right now i wouldnt get my hopes up that just because she contacts you means she wants to get back together. if your intersted let her do it on her own terms, see what she says and take it from there. you also have to remember the whole time that you may not get back together. so keep a cool head, and tone and dont get your hopes up too high.
CaliGuy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 The fact that 1 text has you riled up tells me you're not ready to chat. Ignore the text. Leave it be.
Devil Inside Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 The fact that 1 text has you riled up tells me you're not ready to chat. Ignore the text. Leave it be. I would agree with the words above. If you feel so compelled to respond, do what Nightlord said...real simple..I'm good. Nothing else.
Author borbiusle Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Staying strong so far, I haven't responded to her, thanks for the responses.
boogieboy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Dont reply to her, youre not read yyet. DOnt let her check up on you...let her make more of an effort. And she does NOT want to get back with you. She just wants to make sure you still want her. Talking to her will only make you feel worse. Dont do it.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I don't believe in ignoring exes when you see them or if THEY contact you. I believe in being calm and completely indifferent towards them because in my opinion if you can show someone that what they did or are doing is not affecting you in anyway and you can still go on with your life then that is much more self respecting and satisfying then ignoring them and running away from the problem. Just my thoughts.
Omega3 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I don't believe in ignoring exes when you see them or if THEY contact you. I believe in being calm and completely indifferent towards them because in my opinion if you can show someone that what they did or are doing is not affecting you in anyway and you can still go on with your life then that is much more self respecting and satisfying then ignoring them and running away from the problem. Just my thoughts. I tend to agree with this. Ignoring only works on those who want to chase. Those who don't, won't take the rejection kindly. Nothing wrong with writing back, just aim for indifferent. Should be very easy with text messages.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I tend to agree with this. Ignoring only works on those who want to chase. Those who don't, won't take the rejection kindly. Nothing wrong with writing back, just aim for indifferent. Should be very easy with text messages. Exactly. That is the power of texts and e-mail you can easily show indifference. In person it can be difficult especially when you have your ex right in front of you and they know your reactions and how you normally are. Being indifferent and doing it without being manipulative is a fine line but it can be done. The more you do it the more it will become natural to just be like that all the time.
silic0ntoad Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Yeah, complete indifference shocks people. Usually when an ex contacts you, they are expecting one of two reactions: Overjoyed. Angry. Give them neither. They will wonder even more. And you CAN display anger and overjoyedness through a text. But indifference is much simpler. I wouldn't ignore them. But I wouldn't ask how they are doing, either. Just a simple answer to their question.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Yeah, complete indifference shocks people. Usually when an ex contacts you, they are expecting one of two reactions: Overjoyed. Angry. Give them neither. They will wonder even more. And you CAN display anger and overjoyedness through a text. But indifference is much simpler. I wouldn't ignore them. But I wouldn't ask how they are doing, either. Just a simple answer to their question. Right on Silic couldn't have said it better myself.
CaliGuy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Yeah, complete indifference shocks people. Usually when an ex contacts you, they are expecting one of two reactions: Overjoyed. Angry. Give them neither. They will wonder even more. And you CAN display anger and overjoyedness through a text. But indifference is much simpler. I wouldn't ignore them. But I wouldn't ask how they are doing, either. Just a simple answer to their question. Just to add to this: Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.
boogieboy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 If you keep talking to her, youre making it ok for her to dump you, and youre helping her get over you, if she hasnt already. She is checking up on you, and doesnt get a chance to miss you. For her to come back (which is what you want) she has to miss you....alot. She knows this. She misses you a lil and thats when she hits you up. If you keep answering her for every text, she will never miss you, and you will blow it. Besides that, she came back to you the first time crying, she isnt doing that this time. She isnt making much of an effort to let you know she wants to try again, so right now, she probably doesnt. You will be hoping and get dissappointed if you keep in touch with her. At least if youre going to keep talking to her act like youre busy most of the time and become some kind of challenge. If youre too easy, shes not going to want to try again.
Author borbiusle Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 So, with my expectations rather low, I decided to txt her something plain. I told her "I'm good, just been busy with things lately". She responds "Good deal, happy to hear". Then she says she misses talking to me and throws out the question of being friends , which I find a bit lame. She also says that there is no other guy involved, she wouldn't do that to me, and that she's just going through a bad spell of depression(which is true in a sense, she takes pills for it), not really buying it though. I feel like I'm going in a circle with her, she's not saying anything I haven't heard before since the day she dumped me. Well, at least I'm convinced to call it quits on her now, there's really nothing left to salvage here in my opinion. Thanks for the good advice and tips here, especially Nightlord, Cali,silic0n, and boogieboy. I learned a lot here.
Recommended Posts