NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Problem is, youre NOT supposed to worry about what they think. Its alot herder to try to put up a front while youre still emotional, and many people dont do it right. They arent in control of themselves anyway. People are usually not honest about their intentions and basically want to keep a bond with the person in hopes of a future. His revenge to his ex would never work, unless he shoved a new woman in her face. Ignoring a manipulating ex isnt running away, because youre not going to date them again, hence theres no reason to talk to them again. An ex isnt a problem that you have to fix, an ex is a disease on your mind that you want to cure, and you cant do that when youre still in contact with them. Once youre over them, you can talk to them and act indifferent, but not while youre still emotional. Well it does take a LOT of self control to not get emotional when you still have strong feelings rolling around inside of you and you are still talking to an ex. I just feel that regardless of wanting to be back with them or not it shows more fortitude if you can still deal with them and show you are not letting them get to you...and this includes ignoring them.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 That might matter if you have a relationship with them. If you don't, then trying to show them anything about who you are or how they affect you is a dumb waste of energy. Do you run over to your neighbor's place in order to show him how he doesn't bother you? What about the chick in the line at the grocery store? Do you pat her on the shoulder and say "you aren't getting to me"? An ex is all history. No present. The emotions relating to them need to be put away, not kept alive. The idea that you need to prove something to them or need something from them is just the kind of thing that keeps you from moving on. It doesn't matter if you are still in the relationship or not. And I don't mean show as in "show on purpose" i mean show it passively when you are around them or talking to them if that is what the dumpee wants in having their ex still around in any shape or form. You don't have to prove to anyone anything. Its being able to have the confidence NATURALLY to let anyone know that you are not going to let them get to you.
bolso4 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 NightLord1, you've been amazingly helpful thank you so much. Tom. Question for you, do Narcissists feel guilt or grief? Because according to many sites I've been to, Narcissists dont feel abandoned (they shrug it off), lonely or guilt. But this girl would break down from guilt from mistreating me or anyone else many times over. She'd consistently feel lonely, and was obsessed about not being abandoned. (Always talked about how traumatizing it was for her). She exhibits tendencies of a narcissist: putting me down to make herself feel /look better, constant bragging, centre of attention, self important, feeling that she's sure to accomplish greatness....etc.
mmk1 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Nightlord, I love your advice but how long to you keep responding? At some point, don't you just need to give up and go NC if you see LC is not getting you anywhere? My ex and I (3 years) have communicated regularly and gone out for lunch/drinks over the last two months. She initiates now (I did at first) and I ALWAYS end the conversation first. Despite this, I believe I am firmly in the "friend-zone" and I don't see any way out. My thoughts are either: 1) NC with notice or 2) NC without notice; or 3) tell her its been nice, but we either need to talk about getting back together or go our own ways. What now?
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