ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Ok, she has absolutely every single trait and precursor for narcissism. It's difficult to explain why she'd cry from feeling alone, but aside from that, I'd say within a 98% accuracy she is a full blown raging narcissist. Childhood matches up. Lack of meaningful relationships matches up. Lack of lasting relationships in her past, matches up. Bragging matches up. Attention seeking matches up. Exaggerated sense of self worth, check that too. 100% full blown silence is the only option, in my most honest opinion.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 This behaivor isn't going to last forever. If she is as intelligent as you claim she is then she is going to figure out eventually that her attitude is what is making everyone not want to be around her. If no one has out right said this to her as of yet maybe she needs to be told then. Narcissists have a unique pair of shades they can wear. They don't have to see things they don't want to. This attitude can and probably will last her til the day she dies unless a traumatic experience rips the shades off her eyes.
johan Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Takes a real expert to know one, right? Nice picture, by the way.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I suppose i overreacted. She's not really a bad person. But i do want to establish a friendship down the line, but show her she has no power over me. In that sense, Nightlord1 seems to have the best answer, for THAT end.. If you still want a friendship then slamming the door on her will not be a good choice towards that goal. She is very prideful from what you have said and if you do that she will walk away and remember that and not want to have anything to do with you. People with a lot of pride would rather die then to reconcile with someone who hurt them. You can be friends and not let her get to you. Just try what I suggested and see what happens. She will only control you if you let her and if you don't overreact to what she says or does or if you don't cave in to what she wants all the time then you aren't letting that happen.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 you basically just described her to a tee. Believe me, she has an enormous sense of self worth. Once she got very sick, went to the hospital. I spent the night with her as did 1-2 family members (who left immediately). And no one, not 1 ...of her 80 something close "friends", called her. Even knowing she was there. This basically made her go insane with grief. Her whole life all over again. I have a big feeling that ignoring her would do a lot of damage. She's been abandoned by almost everyone she's met who she's become close with. Her father told me once that I was the first guy to really "stand her". First he's ever met.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Takes a real expert to know one, right? Nice picture, by the way. Thanks, I am one of the best looking guys I've ever seen. I love my own reflection so much... it's seriously hard to walk by the mirror and keep walking. I almost starved once from staring into my own eyes for about 27 hours. I only have one complaint with my perfect life, and that is that I cannot kiss myself on the other side of the mirror.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Narcissists have a unique pair of shades they can wear. They don't have to see things they don't want to. This attitude can and probably will last her til the day she dies unless a traumatic experience rips the shades off her eyes. YES! She blocks herself from everythign she doesnt want to hear. I even found out that she pretended she never met me when we broke up. And she jumped on her 32 year old boss, a guy everyone knows she's not attracted to. She hasnt even faced the break up in over 1 month and is basically delusional. If anyone hurts her, she blocks them out of her life (social networks, blocks phone #, email.....never happened). She'll never change. Believe me, she's way too radical.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Also, she's putting up a strong front. Uses a "man voice" in public (only her girly voice for me and her dad). Basically has been desperate on social network sites to show the world that she's the happiest and strongest woman alive. She's incredibly predictable and has been doing this since i met her everytime she gets hurt.
johan Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Thanks, I am one of the best looking guys I've ever seen. I love my own reflection so much... it's seriously hard to walk by the mirror and keep walking. I almost starved once from staring into my own eyes for about 27 hours. I only have one complaint with my perfect life, and that is that I cannot kiss myself on the other side of the mirror. It's good you feel so comfortable in your skin. I can tell you're a fan of Aha. For what it's worth.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Um look up borderline personality disorder too. Radical was the right word to describe her. You need to enforce electroshock treatment. Or drug her, take her to a psychologist, tie her to the chair. When she comes to, she'll have to listen *** damnit.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 you basically just described her to a tee. Believe me, she has an enormous sense of self worth. Once she got very sick, went to the hospital. I spent the night with her as did 1-2 family members (who left immediately). And no one, not 1 ...of her 80 something close "friends", called her. Even knowing she was there. This basically made her go insane with grief. Her whole life all over again. I have a big feeling that ignoring her would do a lot of damage. She's been abandoned by almost everyone she's met who she's become close with. Her father told me once that I was the first guy to really "stand her". First he's ever met. She has self worth because she WORKED for it. Sure her outward attitude stinks but it may just all be a front for a girl who is probably feeling incredibly lonely and empty inside and feels she has to be that way to prove that she is worth something to HERSELF. The girl grew up without a mother and how do you think someone who grows up without a mom is going to feel? She grew up never being able to show off to mom her accomplishments to have that mother daughter bond. Her mom just abandoned her and there can't be any bigger sense of rejection someone must feel when their own parent wants nothing to do with them. I KNOW this because my own daughter doesn't have a mother either. She may only be 4 but I know that its not going to be easy for her when she is growing up either.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I KNOW this because my own daughter doesn't have a mother either. She may only be 4 but I know that its not going to be easy for her when she is growing up either. Truly sorry to hear this part. Best wishes, and much respect for being a single father raising a daughter. You deserve a lot of credit for this.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Truly sorry to hear this part. Best wishes, and much respect for being a single father raising a daughter. You deserve a lot of credit for this. Thank u Thomas appreciate it. Its not easy but my little girl is my strength whenever I need it. Wouldn't know where I would be without her in my life.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Thank u Thomas appreciate it. Its not easy but my little girl is my strength whenever I need it. Wouldn't know where I would be without her in my life. I can't say I understand but I can imagine. Your daughter may run into a few roadblocks on account of the absence of her mother, but rest assured she will always have peace in her life because she will always be able to say she had a good father who really gave a damn about her. Because trust me, that's worth a lot more than 2 parents who aren't living up to their titles. I lost my mom when I was 9, but I also had a good father who gave a damn like you do, and trust me, I'll always be thankful for that til the day I die. I know you feel you're lucky for having her, but one day in her life, it won't come to her mind that she didn't have a mom. It will come to her mind how lucky she was she had a great dad.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I can't say I understand but I can imagine. Your daughter may run into a few roadblocks on account of the absence of her mother, but rest assured she will always have peace in her life because she will always be able to say she had a good father who really gave a damn about her. Because trust me, that's worth a lot more than 2 parents who aren't living up to their titles. I lost my mom when I was 9, but I also had a good father who gave a damn like you do, and trust me, I'll always be thankful for that til the day I die. I know you feel you're lucky for having her, but one day in her life, it won't come to her mind that she didn't have a mom. It will come to her mind how lucky she was she had a great dad. Great words to live by and that did mean a lot for you to say that. Her mom passed away five years ago. Been difficult but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 http://www.drirene.com/8_nar.htm amazing article on how to deal with narcisistic ex. Basically they will never be happy. And you being happy makes them more miserable. Says ignoring them does nothing, because they convince themselves that THEY abandoned YOU. (((This is EXACTLY what she did. It was a mutual break up. But she is telling all of her friends and convinced herself that she broke up with me. hilarious.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Great words to live by and that did mean a lot for you to say that. Her mom passed away five years ago. Been difficult but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So much respect for you. Im serious. If i can do 1/2 of what you're doing, ill die a happy man. Please be strong for her.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Ah, good old Dr. Vaknin. That guy is a genius/lunatic. Do you know he claims to be a narcissist? Like, a full blown super narcissist. Then he brandishes that self title, in order to give his own books credit so people listen to him. Because his books are ABOUT narcissists. It's a genius little self backing cycle he created for himself. He's laughing it up, too. He can brag left and right about selling his books, and people will just say "Oh hes a narcissist" which will in turn HELP his credibility and thus, sell more books. He really can't lose. He can get away with bragging until the return of Jesus and it will only HELP him
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 So much respect for you. Im serious. If i can do 1/2 of what you're doing, ill die a happy man. Please be strong for her. Thank you for the kind words as well Bob. Well there is your answer then ignoring her will not accomplish much of anything either. Indifference can be powerful when you apply it correctly and can be CONSISTENT with it. If you don't react to what she says or does but don't ignore her your going to ruffle her feathers a lot more and you just may eventually pierce through that impenetrable armor she pretends to have up around her all the time.
boogieboy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I suppose i overreacted. She's not really a bad person. But i do want to establish a friendship down the line, but show her she has no power over me. In that sense, Nightlord1 seems to have the best answer, for THAT end.. As long as you want to establish a friendship with someone that treated you like she did, she will have power over you, and you wont get back any respect that way. You need to ignore her, and not worry about what she thinks. You need to move on with your life, and leave her behind forever. Theres no reason at all for a friendship with her. As long as you hold on to hope for a future friendship, you wont get over her, and she still has power over you. The only way to get your power and respect back, is to ignore her forever. Its hard to do now, but it will get easier as time goes on and the thoughts of her leave your mind.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Ah, good old Dr. Vaknin. That guy is a genius/lunatic. Do you know he claims to be a narcissist? Like, a full blown super narcissist. Then he brandishes that self title, in order to give his own books credit so people listen to him. Because his books are ABOUT narcissists. It's a genius little self backing cycle he created for himself. He's laughing it up, too. He can brag left and right about selling his books, and people will just say "Oh hes a narcissist" which will in turn HELP his credibility and thus, sell more books. He really can't lose. He can get away with bragging until the return of Jesus and it will only HELP him it's fascinating. I read all 10 articles. And apparently dating a narcissist is an extremely traumatic experience for many people. I myself was attracted by her apparent strength. Everything he mentioned about a narcissist fit her perfectly. I feel bitter at her. I do want to ruffle her feathers. By the dr's logic, what I should do is keep contact with her, be indifferent, and show her that I am doing much better than she is. What do you think guys?
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 As long as you want to establish a friendship with someone that treated you like she did, she will have power over you, and you wont get back any respect that way. You need to ignore her, and not worry about what she thinks. You need to move on with your life, and leave her behind forever. Theres no reason at all for a friendship with her. As long as you hold on to hope for a future friendship, you wont get over her, and she still has power over you. The only way to get your power and respect back, is to ignore her forever. Its hard to do now, but it will get easier as time goes on and the thoughts of her leave your mind. When you show someone that you are going to not let them effect you in anyway because you have self respect and confidence by NOT ignoring them outright then to me that is showing they do not have control because you are in control of YOURSELF. Allowing someone to effect you in such a way where you have to ignore them all together and forever to me doesn't show much confidence that you can handle what life throws your way and your just running away. It takes strength to stand up and face the opposition that you are dealt with and keep over coming it without turning away from it.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 it's fascinating. I read all 10 articles. And apparently dating a narcissist is an extremely traumatic experience for many people. I myself was attracted by her apparent strength. Everything he mentioned about a narcissist fit her perfectly. I feel bitter at her. I do want to ruffle her feathers. By the dr's logic, what I should do is keep contact with her, be indifferent, and show her that I am doing much better than she is. What do you think guys? I already wrote what I think you should do bro. Don't make it too painfully obvious you are rubbing it in her face though. Like I said keep it simple and light but don't over do it.
boogieboy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 When you show someone that you are going to not let them effect you in anyway because you have self respect and confidence by NOT ignoring them outright then to me that is showing they do not have control because you are in control of YOURSELF. Allowing someone to effect you in such a way where you have to ignore them all together and forever to me doesn't show much confidence that you can handle what life throws your way and your just running away. It takes strength to stand up and face the opposition that you are dealt with and keep over coming it without turning away from it. Problem is, youre NOT supposed to worry about what they think. Its alot herder to try to put up a front while youre still emotional, and many people dont do it right. They arent in control of themselves anyway. People are usually not honest about their intentions and basically want to keep a bond with the person in hopes of a future. His revenge to his ex would never work, unless he shoved a new woman in her face. Ignoring a manipulating ex isnt running away, because youre not going to date them again, hence theres no reason to talk to them again. An ex isnt a problem that you have to fix, an ex is a disease on your mind that you want to cure, and you cant do that when youre still in contact with them. Once youre over them, you can talk to them and act indifferent, but not while youre still emotional.
johan Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 When you show someone that you are going to not let them effect you in anyway because you have self respect and confidence by NOT ignoring them outright then to me that is showing they do not have control because you are in control of YOURSELF. That might matter if you have a relationship with them. If you don't, then trying to show them anything about who you are or how they affect you is a dumb waste of energy. Do you run over to your neighbor's place in order to show him how he doesn't bother you? What about the chick in the line at the grocery store? Do you pat her on the shoulder and say "you aren't getting to me"? An ex is all history. No present. The emotions relating to them need to be put away, not kept alive. The idea that you need to prove something to them or need something from them is just the kind of thing that keeps you from moving on.
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