bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I made the 1 mistake ill never make again. She was my first gf, dated for 3 years in college. I did everything for her....everything. She took me for granted and lost interest. I sent her 1-2 nice emails saying i wished her well, she's with another. Even though she did love me. I feel embarrassed that I let myself be whipped by this woman. ------Question: I feel I can never face her again if we were to meet again. MANY women have been telling me that she will contact me again (she's moving away and will be 100% home sick)....though just for comfort. When that happens, I want to show her that she has no power over me anymore. How do I do that?
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 apparently (According to many women who ive spoken to): telling her off shows her that she had an effect on me. What do i do? Do i give her the silent treatment (seems petty), or answer 1 week later with a short and uninterested reply: "Im fine. Take care" ?
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 By creating multiple topics, thats how.
Exit Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Play it cool. Hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. Like your friends suggested, giving her any type of reaction will let her know that she got under your skin. Just stay calm and don't let her know that you're hurting. Wish her the best, act as though you agree with the breakup whether you really do or not. And most of all, don't beat yourself up. It was your first real love and you don't have to look at it as "being whipped", you fell in love hard and you wanted to take care of her.
deux ex machina Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 By being distant, mysterious. Don't let her in.Don't be there for her.Do not comfort her - that's her new SO's job.You're busy, you have other things to do. Try to turn this around in your mind, as well. In a "it's not about what I can do for you, but what can you do for me?" kind of way. What I mean by this is, instead of thinking of it as her taking you for granted, all of those things she did to you (a victim mentality), far better for you to examine whether or not she was there for you - was she all in? Of course not. Look what she did. She wasn't good for you. Plain and simple.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. ALWAYS hated this flawed quote. This is wrong. Just... just wrong. Hate actually IS the opposite of love. Someone just got tired of the original, cliched quote and decided to modify it. It failed, though. Hate really is the opposite of love. Indifference has no opposite. It's in a league by itself. Now, to answer you. When that happens, I want to show her that she has no power over me anymore. How do I do that? Well, send her a picture of yourself shirtless.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 By creating multiple topics, thats how. sorry I was using my friend's account by accident. We're in a similar boat
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Before people who follow the now ironically cliched "Indifference is the opposite of love" quote come storming in, I'll further explain. It's similar to saying atheism is the belief there is no God, and thus, the opposite of faith in God. Actually atheism is the absence of ANY belief. It has no opposite, just like indifference.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 The one who cares the least is always in control of a relationship. This also can be applied even after you are no longer seeing them. If you do not want her to control you or take advantage of you then you don't let her. Plain and simple. Don't be so available to her all the time and now that you are split AND she is moving away let her go and if she contacts you then contact her back when you are ready to do so. Keep it light and keep it simple. Don't bring up any of the past, don't bring up any emotions, don't tell her you love her or miss her, and don't say you will be there for her whenever the hell she needs you because that is an open invitation for being a doormat. You may think saying such thing to a woman would be appreciated...and it is..when they are with you and are treating you good. When they are not with you no more then all bets are off.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 these are great responses. It got under my skin basically realizing that she has no respect for me. But apparently, for my ego, the idea of the guy ...months later....showing indifference blows these women's minds. Just the idea that they lost power over you. So apparently what you guys are suggesting is: 1- Indifference is better than silence? IE: If she sends a long winded email saying she's lonely and needs someone to talk to. Silence = petty and Childish? (to not answer). I figure that me waiting many days to reply. And then finally replying with: "That's too bad. Take care". Think would be effective Dont know if anyone here has ever been whipped. It really sucks when they do pull the plug.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Wow NightLord1, that was helpful, thanks. Just an indifferent response. Short and sweet works best.
deux ex machina Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Lol. So you're not wanting to get back with her, ever? You just want to get under her skin? I'm not judging. Just wondering what your end game is, so you can get tailored advice.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 exactly what you just said mate I dont ever want her back. She treated me like ****, considering how much i gave to her. Our relationship was 80% me and 20% her. She does this to all men, and they keep bowing to her after the relationship. Only once she respected me for months was when I broke it off with her. It blew her mind. I want to basically have her email me, and when she does, show her she has no control over me. *and maybe this can help others here. Because after speaking to many men, being dumped in a whipped relationship kills the ego.
bhawake Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 ALWAYS hated this flawed quote. This is wrong. Just... just wrong. Hate actually IS the opposite of love. Someone just got tired of the original, cliched quote and decided to modify it. It failed, though. Hate really is the opposite of love. Indifference has no opposite. It's in a league by itself. I get what you mean, in the literal sense that hate is indeed the opposite of love. But I understand how indifference is worse than hate and therefore becomes the opposite of love. In a way it would almost be better to have the person who breaks up with you, hate you. Its the indifference, the no longer caring one single bit that makes indifference worse than hate when it comes to love, and therefore the opposite of it.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 these are great responses. It got under my skin basically realizing that she has no respect for me. But apparently, for my ego, the idea of the guy ...months later....showing indifference blows these women's minds. Just the idea that they lost power over you. So apparently what you guys are suggesting is: 1- Indifference is better than silence? IE: If she sends a long winded email saying she's lonely and needs someone to talk to. Silence = petty and Childish? (to not answer). I figure that me waiting many days to reply. And then finally replying with: "That's too bad. Take care". Think would be effective Dont know if anyone here has ever been whipped. It really sucks when they do pull the plug. Petty and childish not to respond to her? No, how about she took you for granted, left you and you don't owe her anything anymore?
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I figure that me waiting many days to reply. And then finally replying with: "That's too bad. Take care". Think would be effective Much to learn, you have, grasshopper. Indifference is NOT the weapon of choice. I'm going to put myself out on a limb here and sound arrogant as usual but I am going for my PhD in psychology right now, so please understand I wouldn't steer you wrong. You want to know how it looks to answer a few days later? Do you think shes STUPID? SHE KNOWS YOU. She KNOWS it doesn't take you that long to answer. It never did in the relationship. You know how that looks? It looks like you're PURPOSELY WAITING A FEW DAYS THEN DELIVERING A PURPOSELY INDIFFERENT STATEMENT. It makes you look like you're doing it on purpose, and thus, putting far more thought into it than ANYTHING. Unless this girl is an airheaded IDIOT worthy of some kind of lack of an IQ award, then that approach is gonna take you STRAIGHT down fail lane. You either go 100% no contact Or you go 100% contact. It really doesn't matter. Either way, you have only a 4% chance of getting back with her. It comes down to how you want to see YOURSELF at the end of the night. That's ALL that you have, power wise.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Indifference has always been key to swaying a woman's power. Basically any attention you give her is bad. This is maybe the biggest thing ive learned in my experience. Show her that what she does bounces off of you like a pin.
johan Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 When that happens, I want to show her that she has no power over me anymore. How do I do that? Assuming you are successful and she has to face the fact that she has no power over you anymore, what do you want the result of that revelation to be? Will you be satisfied if she shrugs her shoulders and turns away forever? What do you want from her? And that leads to my next question: are you more interested in having her think she has no power over you? Or are you more interested in it being true? You can act any of a thousand ways, but I'll bet that there is only one response from her that is going to satisfy you as long as you care so much what she thinks. The likelihood of getting that response from her is low, no matter what. Only you know what response you're really hoping for. And when you're emotionally crushed because you didn't get the response you were hoping for, you'll have to start over. You're better off making your goal to actually make it so she has no power over you anymore. Then it won't matter how she responds. The fact is she's irrelevant to you now, and you're irrelevant to her. Forget the past and what you had with her. Face the fact that in a year or two years you and she will have moved on to new lives and will have reverted to complete strangers. Just figure out what your goals are in life and what you care about. Make that your focus. Remind yourself what it means to live the life of a man.
deux ex machina Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 exactly what you just said mate I dont ever want her back. She treated me like ****, considering how much i gave to her. Our relationship was 80% me and 20% her. She does this to all men, and they keep bowing to her after the relationship. Only once she respected me for months was when I broke it off with her. It blew her mind. I want to basically have her email me, and when she does, show her she has no control over me. *and maybe this can help others here. Because after speaking to many men, being dumped in a whipped relationship kills the ego. Heh. Oh, I see. Know of what you speak. For her? I'd say the she needs to meet a wall of complete and utter, stone cold silence. Others may have better ideas than me, but frankly I think *that* would drive her up the wall. Keep us updated. Good luck.
deux ex machina Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Assuming you are successful and she has to face the fact that she has no power over you anymore, what do you want the result of that revelation to be? Will you be satisfied if she shrugs her shoulders and turns away forever? What do you want from her? And that leads to my next question: are you more interested in having her think she has no power over you? Or are you more interested in it being true? You can act any of a thousand ways, but I'll bet that there is only one response from her that is going to satisfy you as long as you care so much what she thinks. The likelihood of getting that response from her is low, no matter what. Only you know what response you're really hoping for. And when you're emotionally crushed because you didn't get the response you were hoping for, you'll have to start over. You're better off making your goal to actually make it so she has no power over you anymore. Then it won't matter how she responds. The fact is she's irrelevant to you now, and you're irrelevant to her. Forget the past and what you had with her. Face the fact that in a year or two years you and she will have moved on to new lives and will have reverted to complete strangers. Just figure out what your goals are in life and what you care about. Make that your focus. Remind yourself what it means to live the life of a man. This too. Once you're up to it, obviously.
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Much to learn, you have, grasshopper. Indifference is NOT the weapon of choice. I'm going to put myself out on a limb here and sound arrogant as usual but I am going for my PhD in psychology right now, so please understand I wouldn't steer you wrong. You want to know how it looks to answer a few days later? Do you think shes STUPID? SHE KNOWS YOU. She KNOWS it doesn't take you that long to answer. It never did in the relationship. You know how that looks? It looks like you're PURPOSELY WAITING A FEW DAYS THEN DELIVERING A PURPOSELY INDIFFERENT STATEMENT. It makes you look like you're doing it on purpose, and thus, putting far more thought into it than ANYTHING. Unless this girl is an airheaded IDIOT worthy of some kind of lack of an IQ award, then that approach is gonna take you STRAIGHT down fail lane. You either go 100% no contact Or you go 100% contact. It really doesn't matter. Either way, you have only a 4% chance of getting back with her. It comes down to how you want to see YOURSELF at the end of the night. That's ALL that you have, power wise. She's actually a semi genius. PHD graduate, and basically was 10 steps ahead of me no matter what. It's very frustrating. Especially since I considered myself to be a fairly competent person before meeting her. She saw through every single trick I ever attempted on her. She dated guys for 1-2 months at most. I was her first long term BF. And she took great pride in the fact that she "whipped me" (even bragged to her GFs i found out). I dont want a "loving" response (her to want me). But just respect, and regret. Regret that she doesnt have me anymore, that she doesnt matter....that Ive moved on. I think what you and someone else said is right. Complete and utter silence.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Indifference has always been key to swaying a woman's power. Basically any attention you give her is bad. This is maybe the biggest thing ive learned in my experience. Show her that what she does bounces off of you like a pin. Thats exactly the point. Whenever you overreact to what a woman does or says you lose automatically. Women like guys that are in control of themselves not CONTROLLING but IN CONTROL. Big difference. Being indifferent isn't a game I do NOT care what anyone says. It is only a game when you do it with the intent to be manipulative and deceitful to get something that you want. If you are indifferent because you do not want to be taken advantage of anymore and you want to keep your self respect there is NOTHING wrong with it and it DOES work. I have seen so many men who acted like they didn't care if their woman was around or not and these girls would be all over them like vampires at a blood bank. Why? Because they are showing off an air of confidence. I like to use the phrase "caring indifference" because you can be indifferent and be caring but just not go any deeper then she is being with you. Ignoring them outright is being a dick. Theres nothing wrong with getting back to them but again if you keep it short and sweet with very few words your far better off. If a chic wanted a two page text message she would text one of her girlfriends.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I'm going to go out on another limb here and say you were dating a narcissist. I'd wager that not only did she take pride in whipping you, but also being 10 steps ahead of you. Not having a relationship longer than 2 months by the time one attains a PhD, is a dead clear sign of narcissism. Bet you this isn't the first time you've heard something like this about her, too
Author bobisthedog Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Wait. I just got a 3rd answer from a friend. What do you guys think: "The best proof that you've moved on is polite indifference, not neglect and anger." Basically when she emails me, to see how im doing and to tell me about her life. I message back: telling her im sorry, but im not interested in speaking to her. Best of luck. Goodbye. Not bad?
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