tkgirl Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 So I've been contemplating (for a while now) about putting up an online dating profile... but I have mixed feelings about it. I have done it in the past... I had moved to a new state a while back and thought it might be a "fun" way to meet people.. but I don't think I was really prepared for what happened next. Loooong story (some of you know part of it) and now looking back it's probably something I needed to go through in order to grow and all that crap. ANYWAYS! Now I want to do it because... well, again I want to meet new people... okay, MEN! but I'm not really looking for Mr. Right.. just more or less want to get myself out there again. I do meet guys IRL but just not that many.. it's hard when you work all the time... as I'm often told! And in the past I did meet a few really cool guys online... for the short while I was actually on there! Ok yea, one in particular but I'm getting over him now.. I swear! I guess I'm just curious as to what guys really think of women who put their profiles up on these sites. I sometimes wonder if we are looked at as "easy" or "desperate"... and maybe less of a catch? I wouldn't want to be looked that way at all, so I think that's why I hesitate to put my profile back online... what to do, what to do... any insight would be mucho appreciated!
Thornton Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I didn't know that online dating was a stigma... I always figured that there were four types of people on those sites: those looking for a hookup but not a relationship; those who are too ugly/shy/socially inept to find a partner irl; those who are too busy to date random people and who want to find someone suitable without wasting any time; and those who are very selective and are unable to find a suitable partner from the random cross-section of humanity encountered in their local bar, so they look online for someone who fits their specific criteria, someone who they genuinely connect with. The first type of people are easy, the second type are mostly undateable and probably desperate, the third type could be ok if they can find the time for a proper relationship, and the fourth type are the ones who could be really promising.
loveslife Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I understand just what you mean. It's like you're objectifying yourself in a way. It feels about as romantic as someone choosing a boat and tote on LL Bean. Hmm, let's see, I'd like a tall blonde with a high school education and biking as a hobby.... I've never had much luck doing the online thing. The best I did was years ago before the ads had photos. Back when there was something called love@aol. I chose an ad for this guy who seemed to have similar interests to me. We exchanged emails for several months before we met. It was FUN. The relationship did not work out but the whole thing didn't make me feel like ordering a pizza. But that's the way it is today. I heard someone refer to the online dating sites as the place to go for casual sex. But I just don't know. I disagree with Thornton that the picky ones are the best chances. Those are the ones I think act like they're looking for perfection. And I am far from perfect.
carhill Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I guess I'm just curious as to what guys really think of women who put their profiles up on these sites They're making use of technology to meet men. That's what my wife and I did over a decade ago. Marriage didn't work out, but neither of us regrets the path. I met ladies from all over the world back then. Even visited a few. It was a time I won't forget. Definitely not a 'stigma' in my mind. If I were similarly motivated, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again
Author tkgirl Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I didn't know that online dating was a stigma... I always figured that there were four types of people on those sites: those looking for a hookup but not a relationship; those who are too ugly/shy/socially inept to find a partner irl; those who are too busy to date random people and who want to find someone suitable without wasting any time; and those who are very selective and are unable to find a suitable partner from the random cross-section of humanity encountered in their local bar, so they look online for someone who fits their specific criteria, someone who they genuinely connect with. The first type of people are easy, the second type are mostly undateable and probably desperate, the third type could be ok if they can find the time for a proper relationship, and the fourth type are the ones who could be really promising. hmmm... makes sense. I'd like to think I'm somewhere between the third and fourth type I guess I should do it.. one of these days!
LovedByHim Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I met my man 6 months ago on an online dating site. Mind you, we lived in the same town so the internet dating was only used to get us to find each other. We were able to date like a 'normal' couple. We are so very much in love, and I can't quite imagine life without him. I have met people across the world from the internet and have had relatively successful relationships. I use the word relatively because obviously those relationships have ended, but they were good while they lasted. Long distance internet dating requires work, trust, and a special pair of people. I don't know if I'd ever do it again, but it worked alright for me. Can't hurt, right? Do it! Make your profile! It's just a way to get you to meet people. Meeting at a bar or a coffee shop isn't so easy these days and we're a lot more picky of a person about our partners.
Author tkgirl Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 In this day and age, there is no stigma to having an online profile on a dating site. However, if you sound desperate and needy in your profile, then men will think you are desperate. If your description of yourself is really lame, then men will think you're not much of a catch. What I'm trying to say is that people will (and should) ultimately see you for who you are. If you're a cool-ass chick who is attractive and likes to have fun, then having an online profile will do wonders for your personal life. If you feel like you're in a major funk and you're looking for a guy to come along and change your luck or help you get over your last boyfriend, then I think that you could be setting your hopes too high and I don't think you're being fair to the poor guy who responds to your ad. Be cool with who you are. If you're not, then get cool with who you are. If there are things that you don't like about yourself that you're able to change (e.g., you don't feel like you have enough interesting things to talk about with people), then change them for the better - read books, take some college classes, join a softball team, etc... If they are things out of your control (e.g., you're 5'0" and you want to be 5'7"), then you *have* to get over it. Be positive and get online. You can do it!!! great advice... thanks! I do think I'm a pretty cool-ass chick.... most of the time anyways! Yea, I need to get over it and just do it... it was pretty fun when I did it before... just wish I hadn't fallen so hard for the first guy I ever went out with online. What's that about?
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