Jump to content

I have been dreading this..my ex bday in 24hrs....support asked to stay NC

gavinus

By gavinus
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
Posted

Basically went out 3 years, (she abused me physically, verbally, used me and told me that, etc) then she dumped me. I gave her my bday present back she gave me a month ago and told her I want to keep my self respect. (That was the first time I had stuck up for myself in a very long time) and I have been NC ever since. Its her birthday in 24hrs. I have to stay NC because if I text her it leaves me open to be hurt yet again, which I can't allow anymore, even though the pain of loss still continues 24/7, any encouragement to stay NC would be great...:(

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted

Good for you for getting out. Men do get abused in relationships too, it's just usually done more subtley and with the aid of psychological elements to control and manipulate and degrade the person. (See DSM) You don't want to get sucked back into that, you have already been torn down. You're going to respect yourself much more; even though it hurts; when her birthday has come and gone and you didn't give in. You really really will. You will start to see a strength in yourself and feel good that you no longer are letting another person have power over you to harm you. You'll really get a boost of confidence. :)

norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted
she abused me physically, verbally, used me and told me that

 

Why would you have ANY desire to have ANY contact with her again? :eek:

 

Instead of texting her, why don't you use that time to find a good therapist to help you figure out why you aren't tap dancing out of sheer happiness to be free of her?

 

Is there some reason you feel you deserve to be stomped on?

 

Love isn't supposed to be like that. That's not love.

  • Author
gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I know and I am seeing a therapist who is helping....1 hour a week is not a lot when 24/7 the loss is there.....but I am trying to move on....that is why I have stayed NC.......the road back to self respect is hard some days.

moo Established Member

moo

Posted
Posted

I understand. You rationalize and you make excuses for them. Then one day, you realize all you have let them do to you.

 

Today is supposed to be a meteor shower. I didn't see any but I saw stars. It reminded me when my ex and I looked at them...(sigh) I'm just so sad.

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted
Basically went out 3 years, (she abused me physically, verbally, used me and told me that, etc) then she dumped me. I gave her my bday present back she gave me a month ago and told her I want to keep my self respect. (That was the first time I had stuck up for myself in a very long time) and I have been NC ever since. Its her birthday in 24hrs. I have to stay NC because if I text her it leaves me open to be hurt yet again, which I can't allow anymore, even though the pain of loss still continues 24/7, any encouragement to stay NC would be great...:(

 

keep up the good work be kind to yoursel. tomorrow buy yourself a good book on co-dependency so you can learn the lessons of this mistake and make your next relationship better. after you finish reading that, buy this:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Must-Be-Tough-Marriages/dp/141431745X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250132072&sr=1-1

  • Author
gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
  • Author
Posted

yeah, you make excuses for them...and some people just take. This is really hard for me because for 3 years her opinion mattered over my own, the only thing I had left of me was the determination to be nice when she was not, so not acknowledging her birthday is a HUGE step for me of breaking that cycle and putting myself first and disregarding what she may or may not think.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
thankyou, some days I am so angry at myself at the way I let her treat me, other days I think she must think I am the biggest di*k ever for returning her gifts, other days I still miss her...the road to self respect is hard :(

 

It is hard- especially when someone has torn you down to the point that you can't see straight anymore.

 

It will evolve as you stick to your guns. Anger can be a healthy tool too. It's appropriate to be angry at a person that has treated you so badly. Eventually that anger will become apathy- you just have to ride it out.

 

Once the hurdle of her b-day passes and you don't contact her- you'll feel better.

  • Author
gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thankyou for your support its nice to know I'm not alone :)

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted

i am not kidding get those books so you don't find yourself in the same type of realtionship

  • Author
gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thanks grayclouds I will :)

DSM2709 Established Member

DSM2709

Posted
Posted

Good luck bro, I feel like H2H is my therapist...LOL She's amazing, as long as I stick to her advise. It's work in progress with me though, my ex is really pulling a doozy on me...right H2H??? LOL!!!

Exit Established Member

Exit

Posted
Posted

Graycloud whats the name of the dependency book??? I don't understand what you wrote.

 

anyways, do not contact her! Let her wonder where you are and let her know that you are moving on. Showing her that you still care enough to think of her will just encourage her to keep going the way she's going. Letting her see that she's losing you, letting her see that she won't be getting any happy birthdays from you unless you're together, is the way to go.

davidindallas Member

davidindallas

Posted
Posted

Bdays can be hard, i was with my ex for over 3 years and her bday was last sunday i didnt even acknowledge it although it was extremely tough. Their will be lots of memories and thats what makes it even harder, just keep your head up bro try and stay busy, because if your just by yourself your thoughts might try and get the best of you.

  • Author
gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thx for advice, I have arranged to hang out with people so am not alone, good on you for staying NC, I hope I feel better once the next 24 hours goes :)

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

Posted
Posted

Dude go see a movie! do anything to take your mind off of her. Stay NC.

 

I mean G.I.joe was really damn good. believe it or not.

ThomasX Forever Member

ThomasX Forever

Posted
Posted
Basically went out 3 years, (she abused me physically, verbally, used me and told me that, etc)

 

 

I'm... not quite sure how to respond to that. You should probably have hit her back twice as hard. When she's on the ground, quote all that jazz about equal rights. If she reaches for the phone, you can always stand by quoting self defense!

NightLord1 Established Member

NightLord1

Posted
Posted

You two are not together anymore you are no longer obligated to send her anything even it is a birthday wish.

 

Whether she was bad to you or good you are no longer a couple and NC means NC even if it is their birthday.

 

And as it was already said on here a couple times you don't gain anything by contacting her in anyway but more hurt and pain.

  • Author
gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thx all, it has taken a long time but I now realize contact=pain, it is hard to let go... but I saw my therapist today who said the contact will hurt me 100% more than it will affect her, I will stay NC and take one day at a time and post here if it becomes too much! thanks heaps,looking forward to the day when I will finally be pain free :)

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...