HeadlessZebra Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 If you add to that the fact that your bf is like you said - feeling similar to you - he may also be beginning to feel obligated if you have no other options, as in a place to live. Obligated, at this point - is not really what you want to add to the mix. So you're basically telling me I'm screwed and have to live this way. Should I straight-out ask him if he feels obligated? I'm just dreading another "talk". It seems like we have "talks" every day. He's pretty gracious about it, but f*ck. I don't want a relationship where a third of what we talk about is "the relationship" in some sense or another. But it's such a complicated situation with so many unresolved issues that need to be talked about, that it's either have talks or ignore the issues completely. I think I'm just gonna ignore the issues. Let the chips fall where they may and whatnot. If things don't improve on their own, say, within a month, I'm moving to a homeless shelter or back into my car and forgetting this thing ever happened. Good idea?
Brady_to_Moss Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I hope you leave. You can be so much happier elsewhere
HeadlessZebra Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I hope you leave. You can be so much happier elsewhere Not in this city. This metropolis is notoriously devoid of men who are worth a damn. Everyone knows it. There are, like, a few dozen men worth dating, out of several million. And guess how many of those few dozen are already taken. And sorry, but I'm not down with mate-poaching. Everyone knows living here = settling for whatever you can get that isn't completely disgusting. Man, I miss Denver.
Soul Bear Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Every Relationship is retareded. It's compramise and good communication that keeps them going. It's never ALWAYS golden moments. Gotta take the rough with the smooth. Divorce prone society's like todays world is a crying shame.
2sure Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 What are your circumstances that you are dependent on him for a place to live other than a homeless shelter?
Hkizzle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 But in order to get good advice I have to force myself to point out his positives. -Intellectually very compatible -Lifestyle is very compatible -He's very physically attractive to me, and I to him -His goals (concrete, intellectual and spiritual) are admirable to me -He is kind and gentlemanly -His career path is what I expect in my partner -When we do have sex, it's good -He seems to have a strong sense of (at least physical) monogamy -I could see us spending the rest of our lives together if he'd just quit DOUCHING AROUND These points are what's needed to attract a woman. A real person's personality is what you have to deal with after a while.
HeadlessZebra Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 A real person's personality is what you have to deal with after a while. Heh. And I have a reaf-life friend who's even resorted to giving me astrological advice. Out of exasperation/desperation, I'm taking it like I would any other advice. What do I have to lose? So laugh all you want, but here it goes. I'm a Scorpio and he's a Pisces, which is supposed to be an excellent match. (Two water signs.) But she says Pisces need a lot of space and periodically retreat into their own minds, and that the best thing I can do is distance myself from him until he comes to me. Even to the extent of not being home when he gets here. That wouldn't fly, I think. He's a smidge needy in his own way and would be sad like a lost puppy if he came home to an empty house. He also gets sad when I don't sleep next to him - he needs to be cuddled. He'll hardly cuddle ME, but will make me cuddle HIM. (Odd role reversal and I confess I prefer to be cuddled than to cuddle. Cuddling a man gives me the uncomfortable feeling that I'm emotionally chasing him.) Maybe he WANTS to be chased? Gets off on it because he was one of the nerdy kids in school who the girls didn't want to date, and because his exes have tended to cheat on him? Maybe that's what this whole thing is about??? Am I overanalyzing this??
HeadlessZebra Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 What are your circumstances that you are dependent on him for a place to live other than a homeless shelter? I can't really go into it, but basically I'm jobless/penniless, only have one living family member (my dad) and he lives in an efficiency and I can't go there, and none of my friends have available couches.
Starshine Black Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Ok firstly, how old are you and how old is he?
HeadlessZebra Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Ok firstly, how old are you and how old is he? I'm 25 and he's 27.
stace79 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Okay first off, you sound overly immature and dramatic. No guy wants to deal with a drama queen. Second, it doesn't exist... you might have it for a few weeks or months, but then that fades and you have to determine if you want to wake up next to that person the rest of your life. Third, I'm almost 31 and I have passionate love with someone. But we also got to the stage now where reality sets in. You can be passionately in love but if he doesn't earn his fair share, if he cheats, if he won't help out around the house -- then that passionate love you want so badly doesn't matter at all. Fourth, I haven't read any of your previous posts, but it sounds like you just wanna be some rock star's wife/gf for the fame and fortune and lifestyle. Bad news -- what someone else said about him cheating on you 101% is exactly right. Yes. A month and a week. But I really do love him, even though I hate his guts. IT'S HARD, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? I waited two years to feel this way about someone again, and like Shadowplay, my clock is ticking. Five more years and I won't be able to fall passionately in love with anyone ever again. It'll be situations from then on where "Oh, we're dating but not sure if we're compatible. Oh, it's been a year and now we're fairly sure we tolerate each other. Oh, now we've been together five years and are in enough of a comfort zone and have few enough other prospects that we might as well get married. Oh, it's been ten years and now we're dragging our arses off to the altar. Oh, it's been fifteen years and now I'm forking the poolboy." WHO THE HELL WANTS THAT??? It's all I hear about here on LS from the over-30 crowd! I want the passionate love I had in my younger days and the same love which was promised me in all the Disney movies I watched growing up! Color me idealistic, but I KNOW people who have had that! I'm a smart, charming, young, beautiful woman and I deserve the fairytale ending I was promised, goddamnit! IT DOES EXIST!!! F*CK YOU, DESTINY
HeadlessZebra Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Okay first off, you sound overly immature and dramatic. No guy wants to deal with a drama queen. Second, it doesn't exist... you might have it for a few weeks or months, but then that fades and you have to determine if you want to wake up next to that person the rest of your life. Third, I'm almost 31 and I have passionate love with someone. But we also got to the stage now where reality sets in. You can be passionately in love but if he doesn't earn his fair share, if he cheats, if he won't help out around the house -- then that passionate love you want so badly doesn't matter at all. Fourth, I haven't read any of your previous posts, but it sounds like you just wanna be some rock star's wife/gf for the fame and fortune and lifestyle. Bad news -- what someone else said about him cheating on you 101% is exactly right. Hey, I'll take everything else you said, but that last paragraph is unfair and untrue. If you'd read my posts under the s/n Fay you'd know how life circumstances got me wrapped up in this general lifestyle, and that I wouldn't choose it for myself AT ALL if I HAD a choice. I TOTALLY resent what you just said. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2305649&postcount=36 It has NOTHING to do with fame, fortune, lifestyle or status, what I scolded LucyLoo about in that post. When you've run in a certain circle for years, the people you meet are the same kind of people. I really don't meet many non-musicians or non-artists at all, simply because all my friends are, and their friends, and their friends' friends. If you're a doctor and you hang out with doctors, you're probably mostly gonna meet other medical people in your day-to-day life. When I HAVE tried to date outside my social circle, I find I have little to nothing in common with those people. All the shared experiences, lifestyles, preferences, patterns of thought, modes of expression, hobbies, tendencies, EVERYTHING that I have in common with "my people"... are absent in other people, who are different than what I'm accustomed and attracted to. It just IS. Why do you have to paint it as some social-climbing thing that it's not? I'm a singer and poet and that's what my life revolves around, and like attracts like. Sorry I'm not drawn to accountant-types. It is what it is. I've learned to accept it and you should too. An accountant would probably give me a lot more stability with money and life in general, but there you have it.
Keoki Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 -Sexual incompatibility -Next-to-no intimacy, emotional or physical -Stupid mood swings -Cat-and-mouse -Hot-to-cold spells -Recent breakup, and he STILL talks to her even though she's adamant about winning him back (a.k.a. stealing him from me). I swear he's still hung up on her. No proof, but call it woman's intuition. -Constant "stress" from his work, band, bills, etc. which he blames for everything that lacks in our so-called relationship -He keeps secrets. Lots of them. I feel next to nothing for A right now I hardly even want to look at him anymore. I don't think he likes me much more than I like him right now either. He sounds... lovely. At this point, you're just bringing it all on to yourself.
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