tidalwave Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 i posted this in the divorce section but i think it belongs here instead. it will be nice to get advice from parents i currently have temporary custody during my divorce case. divorce proceedings have been going on for 10 months. mother has been gone almost 2 years i have had custody throughout. i filed proper paperwork for move in march, my 90 days (legally have to give that much notice) are up but my ex's lawyer has delayed things so much that it has now been almost 150 days since i filed. i (and my children) moved in with my mother and her husband about 5 months after my ex left and have been living there ever since. my mother is now getting a divorce and has left the residence (about 5 months ago). i had always planned to move once the school year was up which is why i filed as early as i did. the problem is that my step father wants us out. he is making it very difficult and wants us out asap. i have talked to several people (lawyers, therapist, and even a former judge) who believe that i will be allowed to move (distance isn't that far, but is out of state) but if i leave before actually getting permission from a judge i am afraid i might lose my children. its not being able to afford to live on my own. i could be able to in a couple of months, its the time. between bills and paying my attorney and regular stuff for the kids there is no money available RIGHT NOW for deposit, first/last month rent, etc. my gf and i just got a bigger place to prepare for our merging families which also cost money (we have joint accounts). i filed very early so that i gave myself enough time to prepare no matter what the court decided and without my consent the lawyers have continually rescheduled and rescheduled. i have no viable option where we currently are, and where i proposed to move (with my girlfriend) there is plenty of space and opportunity and my kids want to move. my ex would never be granted custody from a judge as everything stands now, but i have no choice but to move and i am scared that she might be granted custody out of default. what should i do? should i try to tell the judge before i do it? we have a mediation planned in a week but i doubt she will agree to let me move no matter what. i am afraid and worried for my kids and myself. any advice would be helpful... tidalwave is invisible
nittygritty Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 The intention of moving the children out-of-state and/or the intention of moving the children in with the parent's lover/live in partner are both big issues that can reverse custody in most states. Although moving the children out- of-state is usually a bigger issue than moving the children into a live-in partner arrangement. I wouldn't recommend that you do either. Since you have to move, move within the same county as the court's jurisdiction until you receive permanent full custody orders and the divorce is granted. Then you don't need the courts permission to move out-of-state unless it's written into the court orders that you have to have the court's permission (which it usually is) and/or the other parent files for a change of custody while you are in the process of establishing residency out-of-state. Which usually takes somewhere between 6 months to a year. The bottom line is the judge's interpretation of the laws or grounds used to help determine "the best interests of the child" in your state. Temporary custody can be easily reversed. Permanent custody is not as easy to reverse but still possible. Your lawyer should be advising you as to what you should do.
onthebrinkofitall Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I feel pretty qualified to give you some advice because I have been through this. Some basics, you should not be taking your children to live with your girlfriend while you're still married. Depending on what state you live in [i was in Virginia], you won't be able to live with someone you're not married to, if your children are with you. Cohabitation.. rawr.. darned old fashioned laws! Definitely find out if this is a law in your state. If you can, put off the move until you go to court. I doubt your children will be taken away from you if you go ahead and move, the judge will just give you a good reaming when you go to court. I was allowed to move 12 hours away and I had no job at the time, so anything's possible. I'm curious though, why doesn't your ex have custody of the children? Drug problems, just doesn't want them? This can have a lot to do with whether or not you will retain full custody of your kids. Also, how old are your children? They won't take very young children away from the primary caregiver, or it's highly unusual however, if the children are a little older, the judge may consider giving her joint custody, since a strong bond has already been established between you and your children [meaning they won't forget you if they go stay with their mother for a longer period of time]. Find out as much as you can about the state you're wanting to move to.. schools, unemployment rates, cultural events, economical growth, air quality [as absurd as it sounds]. The more you can pump this state up, the more likely the judge is to allow the move.. he or she will see the opportunities for your children. If you must move, then do so but be prepared for some possibly hellish consequences.
SummerLady Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 i posted this in the divorce section but i think it belongs here instead. it will be nice to get advice from parents i currently have temporary custody during my divorce case. divorce proceedings have been going on for 10 months. mother has been gone almost 2 years i have had custody throughout. i filed proper paperwork for move in march, my 90 days (legally have to give that much notice) are up but my ex's lawyer has delayed things so much that it has now been almost 150 days since i filed. i (and my children) moved in with my mother and her husband about 5 months after my ex left and have been living there ever since. my mother is now getting a divorce and has left the residence (about 5 months ago). i had always planned to move once the school year was up which is why i filed as early as i did. the problem is that my step father wants us out. he is making it very difficult and wants us out asap. i have talked to several people (lawyers, therapist, and even a former judge) who believe that i will be allowed to move (distance isn't that far, but is out of state) but if i leave before actually getting permission from a judge i am afraid i might lose my children. its not being able to afford to live on my own. i could be able to in a couple of months, its the time. between bills and paying my attorney and regular stuff for the kids there is no money available RIGHT NOW for deposit, first/last month rent, etc. my gf and i just got a bigger place to prepare for our merging families which also cost money (we have joint accounts). i filed very early so that i gave myself enough time to prepare no matter what the court decided and without my consent the lawyers have continually rescheduled and rescheduled. i have no viable option where we currently are, and where i proposed to move (with my girlfriend) there is plenty of space and opportunity and my kids want to move. my ex would never be granted custody from a judge as everything stands now, but i have no choice but to move and i am scared that she might be granted custody out of default. what should i do? should i try to tell the judge before i do it? we have a mediation planned in a week but i doubt she will agree to let me move no matter what. i am afraid and worried for my kids and myself. any advice would be helpful... tidalwave is invisible This is tough, if you move without formal permission in most states they can acutally put out a warrant for your arrest and then take the kids. If the mother is not around they can put them in foster care while your in jail. Judges do not like this at all.......I know all about this. Most states will come down on you hard no matter what the reason is period.....I would ask a lawyer in your state.
Author tidalwave Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 If you can, put off the move until you go to court. I doubt your children will be taken away from you if you go ahead and move, the judge will just give you a good reaming when you go to court. I was allowed to move 12 hours away and I had no job at the time, so anything's possible. I'm curious though, why doesn't your ex have custody of the children? Drug problems, just doesn't want them? This can have a lot to do with whether or not you will retain full custody of your kids. Also, how old are your children? They won't take very young children away from the primary caregiver, or it's highly unusual however, if the children are a little older, the judge may consider giving her joint custody, since a strong bond has already been established between you and your children [meaning they won't forget you if they go stay with their mother for a longer period of time]. Find out as much as you can about the state you're wanting to move to.. schools, unemployment rates, cultural events, economical growth, air quality [as absurd as it sounds]. The more you can pump this state up, the more likely the judge is to allow the move.. he or she will see the opportunities for your children. If you must move, then do so but be prepared for some possibly hellish consequences. my ex gave me custody during our legal separation in 2003. since then she had been in and out of the home at various times. she left for the final time in jan. 2008 and filed for divorce in nov. 2008 and hadnt seen them but for a few times during that span. she has seen them only every other weekend sat. and sun. because she works 2nd shift and refuses to change. she left to live with a man and signed her name to the deed of his house 2 months after moving in with him and has been living with him ever since so i am not worried about my kids living with my gf because my wife has already been doing that.
Angel1111 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Get your attorney off his butt and tell him to get an emergency hearing on this matter. He has wasted enough of your time. Is your mother around? Why isn't she defending you and telling your stepdad to shut up. Ask your attorney what might happen if you move before you have legal permission. What I don't understand is why you're restricted to a certain location when your ex doesn't seem to have anything to do with the kids. What's that about?
Author tidalwave Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Get your attorney off his butt and tell him to get an emergency hearing on this matter. He has wasted enough of your time. Is your mother around? Why isn't she defending you and telling your stepdad to shut up. Ask your attorney what might happen if you move before you have legal permission. What I don't understand is why you're restricted to a certain location when your ex doesn't seem to have anything to do with the kids. What's that about? i actually already did all of that. i fired my lawyer and got an emergency hearing on my own. i got an immediate trial and had to defend myself against her and her lawyer and a guardian ad litem who recommended i have custody but not move (no valid reason for not wanting me to move). i think it went OK and i felt good after the trial was over but it is now in the judge's hands. she sees the kids every other weekend since we have been in litigation but before then nothing and after we are out of litigation probably nothing. she is the woman and their mother so i guess they have to at least consider everything. like i said, at the end of the trial i felt good and i hope the judge sees through all the BS and just lets my kids and i have a decent and stable life.
Angel1111 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 i actually already did all of that. i fired my lawyer and got an emergency hearing on my own. i got an immediate trial and had to defend myself against her and her lawyer and a guardian ad litem who recommended i have custody but not move (no valid reason for not wanting me to move). i think it went OK and i felt good after the trial was over but it is now in the judge's hands. she sees the kids every other weekend since we have been in litigation but before then nothing and after we are out of litigation probably nothing. she is the woman and their mother so i guess they have to at least consider everything. like i said, at the end of the trial i felt good and i hope the judge sees through all the BS and just lets my kids and i have a decent and stable life. No, I mean get an emergency hearing for the petition to move. Don't bank on the courts seeing through anything. They're thinking of the kids' best interest and usually it creates a big mess when they move away from the other parent. Still, if you can point out that the move is better for you financially and better for the kids, you've got an excellent shot. Also, the fact that your ex has a history of not being around to see the kids doesn't work in her favor at all.
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