beansaregood Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Well this is a long story, I've kept this inside me a lot. I have a girlfriend, I met her on my gap year in South America, we taught together for a year just by chance for the first six months, and we lived together for most of the year. Now, in a normal relationship I would never consider moving in in the first year, but the situation needed it. Anyway, The first six months were amazing, and I really was crazy about her. I still am, I think im different though. We had a month break from teaching, so we went to mexico, see a beach and relax. We had our closest break up there, because she likes to stay busy, she couldnt stand it, just doing nothing with me. It was really difficult for her to be around me because we had to spend the whole day for a couple of weeks together, and she needed her space. She wanted to break up, but she can exaggerate a situation a little. The thing that bothered me was, I wasn't really that upset she was trying to dump me and I dont know why. This went on like this for a month, and we had to do different things, I went traveling on my own and she hanged around with friends back at the school. When we got back into work we were Ok again things were working out well. But we couldn't spend like 3 or more days together just the two of us, it kills us. During the next six months, my feelings have been wierd. For some reason I thought, I don't love her. I don't know why but I did. I kept telling myself that I do, because I think she is amazing and I can really see a life with her. She has even said she can imagine marrying me, not that she should but she can imagine it. I think the reason for this, is 1, I panic, I get it from my Mum, I worry about the future that were going to get in a loveless marriage, have kids and get divorced and that really scares me, even though our relationship is perfectly fine. My Parents are divorced btw, my Mum twice. 2, I'm scared of that feeling that we need space, really am. That problem is highlighted by the fact we live in two different countries about an hour apart by plane. So we don't see eachother often. But she is coming to America, to study. We will be about 4 hours apart, and well see eachother every two weeks. The reason I am writing this is because I am really scared. I love her so much, but I'm worried, that we get into that situation. She's everything I ever wanted, but is it too soon for me? do I need to 'play the field' a bit? I have felt attracted to other women at nights out, but never cheated. I just want to feel good about her and the rest of my life, and sort out the psycological problem of mine which is affecting our relationship.
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