drivesmecrazy3 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I fell for a girl, and little by little i became more and more obsessed with her. She used to be so nice to me, told me all the time about how she cared about + missed me. I always looked at her as an accomplishment because shes always been the type of girl that loves to chase guys and claims they get anyone they want, so because of that, i never made my feelings too obvious to her. Well, one night, in fact, on my birthday at about 2am, I had just finished driving 1 hour to her house to see her and was on my way home. She told me that she really didnt feel right and that she couldnt lead me on anymore, that she really felt that we should be with other people. This, in retrospect, ruined my birthday. Oh and by the way, she had also ditched hanging out with me one night to go hookup with another guy. I was so hurt, so i stopped reaching out to her. I stopped texting/calling her completely. I felt like if she wanted to talk to me that it was her job to do so. So eventually she did, and when she did, told me that she felt very dirty and disgusting because she had just hooked up with 2 guys while drinking the prior night. After hearing that, I told her never to contact me again. but of course, she continued to text me. I met a girl who was here on vacation, and we started seeing each other a lot/messing around. The original girl eventually caught on to this, and NOW said that she felt hurt and couldnt talk to me anymore, so i said fine and didnt put any words in. 4 days later, she messases me asking if i enjoyed not talking to her, when i asked her why she contacted me, she told me that she was confused. So, she continued contacting me, and i continued seeing the other girl. It became more and more clear that the girl did not like what i was doing and it was really bothering her, but she never came out to me and said she still had feelings, she just let it happen. Last night she texted me when i was drinking with a friend, and asked her if she wanted to give me a kiss. She said somthing like "wheres your girl? she take the night off?" and i was drunk, so i said hahahaha yes. She then said this whole paragraph about how ****ed up i was and that i could only talk to her and respond quickly if i wasnt with another girl, told me to go **** myself, and said not to talk to her anymore. The next day all I asked her was why she really was mad, I mean, she flat out told me that she didnthave feelings for me and that she wanted to be with other people, on my BIRTHDAY, and even ditched me to hookup with some loser kid who flat out told her that he wasnt interested in having a girlfriend. I mentioned these things to her, and she replied with "im a bitch, dont talk to me" so I havent. The problem is i feel horrible because for months ive been trying so hard to win this girl. I tried being really kind to her, then i tried making her really jealous, Ive tried eveything, taken every route, but nothing worked at all. She onviously doesnt want to talk to me because shes upset/jealous, but why would she me? and why wouldnt she tell me she had feelings if she really did? why all the games? Last time she came back, but I have a feeling that this time, she wont, and i definitely cannot contact her. Im right about to start graduate school at an ivy league university and I need to really get my emotions stable or else i will be in a lot of trouble when its time to start. I cannot even remember a time that i cared about a girl more than this one, even though she mistreated me so much. I just really dont understand why things turned out this way.
Scottdmw Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 My advice would be to be careful about working a lot harder to win someone than they were to win you. As the man, you usually do have to lead the way, a little bit. But you run into a problem if you're putting a lot of effort in and the other person isn't putting much. Psychologically, the more effort you put into a person, the more you tend to value them. It actually makes you like the person more. Meanwhile, no such thing is going on with the other person. They are watching themselves accept your efforts and not reciprocate, and actually makes them devalue you in their mind. When you accept mistreatment from a person and keep going after them, you really makes you want them more while making them want you less. I would suggest you let this girl go. It doesn't seem like she's a positive thing in your life. Scott
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