DustySaltus Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Some people here know my story and others don't. I screwed up and broke NC after a few weeks and tried to extend an olive branch to her. She told me she can't ever see herself trusting me and getting back with me. Mind you she was the one that was checking my emails behind my back. I thought my situation was different, I thought that she would change her mind by now but she has not and probably never will. She has some real trust and mental issues, but I keep feeling like it is my job to help her, when it is really her job. I'm trying to move on but I keep feeling like we have unfinished business. Most people would RUN from the situation that I was in, what makes me different? Why am I trying to salvage something here? Why do I feel like I may NEVER meet someone like her again? I was ok a week ago but took a giant step back. Someone guide me through this sh*tstorm of emotions....
silic0ntoad Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Hey man, I know your pain. My Ex has a history of doing the same s h i t to other ex's she did to me. So, what I can say is this: Most people always question why relationships end. But then, they go and repeat the same stuff over and over. So, what do you owe this girl? She broke your heart, kicked it about, cut it up with a rusty saw, stuck it back in, and stitched you up with barbed wire. You don't owe her anything. Let her squander what she has. It's not your problem anymore. It takes a while to sink in, but eventually you will realise she was simply an anchor dragging you down. Now you're free of that. You need to think with your head, not your heart. It may be painful, and she may linger in the back of your mind, but you have to tell your heart to STFU after a while.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 She doesn't think she did anything wrong. That's the biggest problem. Calling my job trying to get me fired, checking emails....it was all justified because I was sending emails to friends and family saying that I was having a tough time in a new country. I told her this too! Why did she blow her top like she did? I saw and end with this girl? Family, children....a great life. What the hell happened? Now i'm back at the lounge looking at every single woman like they'll stab me in the back.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Some people here know my story and others don't. I screwed up and broke NC after a few weeks and tried to extend an olive branch to her. She told me she can't ever see herself trusting me and getting back with me. Mind you she was the one that was checking my emails behind my back. I thought my situation was different, I thought that she would change her mind by now but she has not and probably never will. She has some real trust and mental issues, but I keep feeling like it is my job to help her, when it is really her job. I'm trying to move on but I keep feeling like we have unfinished business. Most people would RUN from the situation that I was in, what makes me different? Why am I trying to salvage something here? Why do I feel like I may NEVER meet someone like her again? I was ok a week ago but took a giant step back. Someone guide me through this sh*tstorm of emotions.... You feel like you should help her because you have feelings for her. You don't even know that she wants help; she probably does not if she isn't helping herself. It's not your universal destiny to save this girl from herself, again it's just you having feelings for her. She is too unstable right now to have a relationship even if she changed her mind anyway. I can only imagine the kind of hell and destruction she would wreak havoc on your life should she ever get insecure; she already tried to sabotage your chances at getting your dream job. She has a lot of trust issues yes, and she has a lot of every kind of issues too. All of which she needs help for, and should she ever decide she wants help, she will seek it and find it. It's not your responsibility and furthermore, you can never force someone to get help who doesn't WANT it.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 She doesn't think she did anything wrong. That's the biggest problem. Calling my job trying to get me fired, checking emails....it was all justified because I was sending emails to friends and family saying that I was having a tough time in a new country. I told her this too! Why did she blow her top like she did? I saw and end with this girl? Family, children....a great life. What the hell happened? Now i'm back at the lounge looking at every single woman like they'll stab me in the back. Well there you have it. Further confirmation of my point. She doesn't WANT help, she doesn't even think she NEEDS it. There is nothing you can do, except feel sorry for the next poor schlub she puts through hell. I know I do, I want to take a tylenol just thinking about it.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 whats a tylenol? please excuse my ignorance Tylenol is an over the counter anti inflamatory/pain reliever.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 you can never force someone to get help who doesn't WANT it. Oh yes you can, if you're good enough at reading minds and behaviors, you can fool someone into literally saving themselves. But to 99% of people, your quote is right. So I really shouldn't have bothered saying this.
Darren09 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Tylenol is an over the counter anti inflamatory/pain reliever. ohhhhh right i see... Am a british lad am guessin its something american sorry
NightLord1 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 You are a guy and you think with logic. Logic says that when something is broke it needs to be fixed regardless if it is an inanimate object or even a human being. We as men logically want to solve the problems we are faced with because we believe it can be fixed and made better. This is where a lot of guys fall into the trap into believing they can fix a broken relationship or even fix the person they are dating. That they can "solve" their problems and help them move on past them. Thing is there is no fix. Only the person that has the issues can fix them and overcome them on their own. A lot of guys mess up when their woman wants to break up with them because they panic and begin the whole pegging, pleading, apologizing, etc in thinking that will "fix" the situation and their exes will not break up with them. Since women use more emotions in their ways of thinking instead of logic whatever they are feeling at any given time IS their logic until they can have the time to actually process those emotions into their brain enough to trigger their logic buttons which could take days, weeks, even months. Its only natural for you to feel this way but you can't fix another human being. No matter how hard you try.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Since women use more emotions in their ways of thinking instead of logic whatever they are feeling at any given time IS their logic until they can have the time to actually process those emotions into their brain enough to trigger their logic buttons which could take days, weeks, even months. Now she's saying to me..."well, if you want to come here its a free country but I can't say what will or won't happen with us". Before it was completely done, now she's saying stuff like this. I just don't get it. Now going on 6 weeks since I saw her. Why is she giving this response now?
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Now she's saying to me..."well, if you want to come here its a free country but I can't say what will or won't happen with us". Before it was completely done, now she's saying stuff like this. I just don't get it. Now going on 6 weeks since I saw her. Why is she giving this response now? She is still in the cold, indifferent, I don't care mode. She is saying that because she wants to get under your skin to get a reaction out of you. I honestly wouldn't go over to see her because if you do she is going to keep stringing you along and the string would just get longer and longer. She isn't wanting to be back with you at least not right now anyway so she isn't serious. Since that seems to be the case then call her up or text her and say something came up and you can't make it then go NC. Just my thoughts.
hoping2heal Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Now she's saying to me..."well, if you want to come here its a free country but I can't say what will or won't happen with us". Before it was completely done, now she's saying stuff like this. I just don't get it. Now going on 6 weeks since I saw her. Why is she giving this response now? Dusty, are you kidding me? I mean for real? This woman has been an unstable rollercoaster from GO, and everytime she does something completely in line with her charachter you come on here and it's like "Can you believe this completely unstable thing she is doing now? Oh my god she's being so wishy-washy and confusing and I'm just totally startled she would be that way!" Come on, do you love the drama? I think you do. Get back with her, seriously. She has been the same load of instability and you don't seem to have any sense in you whatsoever that it's a bad thing, so go on and have an unealthy relationship chalk full of the drama that you both seem to thrive on and gravitate towards.
Beeotch Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Some people here know my story and others don't. I screwed up and broke NC after a few weeks and tried to extend an olive branch to her. She told me she can't ever see herself trusting me and getting back with me. Mind you she was the one that was checking my emails behind my back. I thought my situation was different, I thought that she would change her mind by now but she has not and probably never will. She has some real trust and mental issues, but I keep feeling like it is my job to help her, when it is really her job. I'm trying to move on but I keep feeling like we have unfinished business. Most people would RUN from the situation that I was in, what makes me different? Why am I trying to salvage something here? Why do I feel like I may NEVER meet someone like her again? I was ok a week ago but took a giant step back. Someone guide me through this sh*tstorm of emotions.... I felt that way about my ex...the need to help him. The truth is...I KNOW that he had never met someone like me and I know him better than even his closest friends esp since I came to realize his issues beyond the outward appearance of success and high self-esteem....no one else got that close. I ended up feeling like I needed to reach out to him and be patient with him because a lot of the a$$holish behavior he exhibited were because of his issues and a defense mechanism and not for real...but that gets draining. Sometimes people have to learn on their own. We have to give them TOUGH LOVE. And funnily tough love is tough for not only the receiver but giver as well. If you have extended a hand over and over and done all you can then it is UP TO THEM now. So you leave them be and time and their conscience will eventually catch up with them when you least expect and even if not...by then you will DEFINITELY have moved on. So trust yourself and give her the tough love and let go. My ex just made it easier for me to close him out as he got a new gf...so while even typing it makes me nauseous atleast I realize that I did all I could...I have no more hope and I am gonna move forward and not look back.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 Dusty, are you kidding me? I mean for real? This woman has been an unstable rollercoaster from GO, and everytime she does something completely in line with her charachter you come on here and it's like "Can you believe this completely unstable thing she is doing now? Oh my god she's being so wishy-washy and confusing and I'm just totally startled she would be that way!" Come on, do you love the drama? I think you do. Get back with her, seriously. She has been the same load of instability and you don't seem to have any sense in you whatsoever that it's a bad thing, so go on and have an unealthy relationship chalk full of the drama that you both seem to thrive on and gravitate towards. If I had 2 or 3 relationships before this where I went through the same nonsense then I would say you have a point. I've gone out with women that have done much much less to me and I move on. For some reason this is different. I just can't explain why I am still thinking about the woman after all this time. I know that she loves me but she's just filled with so much anger right now and I need to realize that this is a very dangerous thing. Right now, I'm not being rational anymore...i'm acting on pure emotion. I can't say that it want her out of my life sometimes and then other times I can't think about her in it. It's a constant struggle within myself.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 I ended up feeling like I needed to reach out to him and be patient with him because a lot of the a$$holish behavior he exhibited were because of his issues and a defense mechanism and not for real...but that gets draining. It really did get draining when I was over there. Now it feels like I am recharging only to get drained again. Sometimes people have to learn on their own. We have to give them TOUGH LOVE. And funnily tough love is tough for not only the receiver but giver as well. If you have extended a hand over and over and done all you can then it is UP TO THEM now. So you leave them be and time and their conscience will eventually catch up with them when you least expect and even if not...by then you will DEFINITELY have moved on.QUOTE] What happens when their conscience catches up with them?
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