I want to get a new partner before my ex does...

[Taucher]

So I asked a girl out. Friend of a friend. She said yes initially, but now she says no. It's complicated.

 

Anyway, 2 minutes after the email from this girl saying no, I get an email from my ex (Gah!) who is back in the country after being on holiday.

 

I really like this new girl, that's why I asked her out. But I think that part of me wants someone else BEFORE my ex gets with someone. My ex lives 2 minutes walk from me, in the same part of London, and I have to admit that I wanted my ex to see me with someone else before I see HER with someone else.

 

Anyone relate to this?

 

T

[GorillaTheater]

I relate to the competitive aspect of it: I suspect I'd feel the same way.

 

But let's face it, it's easier for a woman to start up a relationship than a man. So don't be too surprised if you lose this race.

 

Besides, you and I both know it'd be a mistake to start a relationship and potentially toy with a woman's heart just so we can say "first!".

[TaraMaiden]

(. . .)2 minutes after the email from this girl saying no, I get an email from my ex (Gah!) who is back in the country after being on holiday.

 

What did she say....?

 

....Did you reply?

[Ilovecake]

But let's face it, it's easier for a woman to start up a relationship than a man. So don't be too surprised if you lose this race.

 

 

My experience has been the opposite. It seems usually it's the guy who starts dating first partly because getting together with someone else is part of their coping mechanism, this thread being the perfect example. Women on the other hand are more picky when it comes to their partners and usually look for something lasting not just a transition relationship.

[Taucher]

I relate to the competitive aspect of it: I suspect I'd feel the same way.

 

But let's face it, it's easier for a woman to start up a relationship than a man. So don't be too surprised if you lose this race.

 

Besides, you and I both know it'd be a mistake to start a relationship and potentially toy with a woman's heart just so we can say "first!".

 

Thank you g theater. Yes, you are totally right, I think. It is easier for a woman. Especially in my case as there was a bit of a difference between our relative physical attractiveness. I am an average looking man, at best, and she is something of a hottie. This has been pointed out to me a couple of times, people saying 'How did YOU manage to get such a sexy girlfriend" etc.

 

Yes, toying with the new gilr's heart, as you put it, would have been a mistake, although I do genuinely like her. I felt guilty though. The girl I asked out did know that I just came out of a 5 year relationship and that was one thing she did say. Plus, she is due to move back to Italy in mid - September.

 

What did she say....?

 

....Did you reply?

 

The email she sent was mainly about our ongoing difficulties regarding the flat we shared. Landlord has gone missing with our deposit. I DID reply, as there are practicalities to sort out. I ignored the comments she made about her lovely holiday though. Kept it strictly business.

 

My experience has been the opposite. It seems usually it's the guy who starts dating first partly because getting together with someone else is part of their coping mechanism, this thread being the perfect example. Women on the other hand are more picky when it comes to their partners and usually look for something lasting not just a transition relationship.

 

Right again. I didnt really expect anything serious between me and the new girl and I DO feel guilty. Also, I feel slightly relieved, in a way, that she said no. I will consider myself told off!

 

[TaraMaiden]

The landlord is a thief and you should report him to the Police.

deposits should be lodged with an independent financial body (You are provided with their credentials and details, once this is done) that holds the money until such time as the tenancy is terminated.

The premises then have to be inspected and any deductions agreed, if necessary.

 

If your landlord has absconded with the rent, you have every right to pursue him using legal means at your disposal.

And always rent through a bona-fide intermediary agency.

It's so much safer!

as to the rest of it, relax.

 

It really doesn't matter.

 

When I broke up with my ex-, he found a person to go out with almost immediately.

I really didn't care. In fact, I was happy for him, but it was short-lived. rebound doesn't cover it, and he'd had 3 of them - all really bad decisions! - before I found my partner.

I'm still with my partner. He's onto number 5, and it's a shame, because truly, she treats him like cr*ap, and does things I would never have done.

 

But there you go.....

 

Don't go rebounding just for the heck of it.....

[Taucher]

The landlord is a thief and you should report him to the Police.

deposits should be lodged with an independent financial body (You are provided with their credentials and details, once this is done) that holds the money until such time as the tenancy is terminated.

The premises then have to be inspected and any deductions agreed, if necessary.

 

If your landlord has absconded with the rent, you have every right to pursue him using legal means at your disposal.

And always rent through a bona-fide intermediary agency.

It's so much safer!

as to the rest of it, relax.

 

It really doesn't matter.

 

When I broke up with my ex-, he found a person to go out with almost immediately.

I really didn't care. In fact, I was happy for him, but it was short-lived. rebound doesn't cover it, and he'd had 3 of them - all really bad decisions! - before I found my partner.

I'm still with my partner. He's onto number 5, and it's a shame, because truly, she treats him like cr*ap, and does things I would never have done.

 

But there you go.....

 

Don't go rebounding just for the heck of it.....

 

The landlord has sent us 2 emails saying the deposit will be released 'soon'. It is with the Deposit Holding company but the landlord needs to log on and release the money. When I first moved to London, I lived in a flat with 5 others. The landlord went missing with our deposits. We took him to court, he didnt turn up, the court found in our favour by default. And then...nothing. Missing forever. I dont have a high opinion of landlords.

 

No, you are right. The rest doesnt really matter. What I do matters. What she does, doesnt matter. It's out of my hands. Your personal example is very enlightening, thank you. I AM being a bit manic at the moment.

 

Still like the idea of a rebound though. What if it turns out NOT to be a rebound. Thing is, I am fussy and am rarely attracted to women, so when I am, shouldnt I try and go for it?

 

T

[TaraMaiden]

Oh sure you should, of course! But make sure your motives are right.

 

Do it because you feel it's right for you.

Your ex- and her situation, shouldn't even be in your mind, otherwise it's just a distraction, unfair on your intended, and unfair on you, because you're muddying your own principles.

 

vis-a-vis the landlord;

You should have the details of the holding company.

Did he arrange the tenancy through an agency?

if he did, chase them, too.

If not, get a strongly-worded letter from a law firm or Law Clinic, as above.

 

Is he British?

(I only ask, because of a similar experience with our ex-landlord who....wasn't....)

[Taucher]

Oh sure you should, of course! But make sure your motives are right.

 

Do it because you feel it's right for you.

Your ex- and her situation, shouldn't even be in your mind, otherwise it's just a distraction, unfair on your intended, and unfair on you, because you're muddying your own principles.

 

vis-a-vis the landlord;

You should have the details of the holding company.

Did he arrange the tenancy through an agency?

if he did, chase them, too.

If not, get a strongly-worded letter from a law firm or Law Clinic, as above.

 

Is he British?

(I only ask, because of a similar experience with our ex-landlord who....wasn't....)

 

First, I think you are right. I can have a fling for the right reasons. But I am not sure if I can do it for the right reasons now. I have to be honest and say that part of me would be glad that I was doing it to make me feel better about my ex. So, I am not ready for it. Luckily, at the moment I dont have anyone beating down my door so avoiding a rebound is quite easy!

 

I DO have the details for the holding company. He didnt arrange the tenancy through an agency but he DID get an agency to advertise it. They are parasites too.

 

My ex-landlord IS British but for some reason, he lives en france.

 

Still ongoing!

 

T

[Lishy]

Which part of london do you live in?

[Soul Bear]

My experience has been the opposite. It seems usually it's the guy who starts dating first partly because getting together with someone else is part of their coping mechanism, this thread being the perfect example. Women on the other hand are more picky when it comes to their partners and usually look for something lasting not just a transition relationship.

 

That's the complete oposite man/woman of me and my ex...

[Taucher]

Which part of london do you live in?

 

Dont want to say exactly, you never know who is reading! But it's south east London, Zone 2.

 

That's the complete oposite man/woman of me and my ex...

 

I thought that women always found someone first, but I saw a massive study which found that men more often find someone else first, whereas women surround themselves with friends etc.

 

I guess the real distinction is between the dumper and dumpee, regardless of gender.

 

T

[Lishy]

I am a Norrrfff London Gooner! lol

[Enema]

Let her see you on a date with a man.

 

That'll show her.

[Taucher]

I am a Norrrfff London Gooner! lol

 

I am partial to the Arsenal myself actually, but not a proper fan or anything. Norf is nice but feels like a foreign country! One of my best mates lives in St John's Wood. Posh.

 

Let her see you on a date with a man.

 

That'll show her.

 

Ha! That would be a bit of an eye opener for me too! That WOULD give her something to think about though.

 

Hmmm....

[boogieboy]

Taucher, she doesnt have to see you with a real gf, she could just see you with a "friend" and assume its a new girl.

 

Give up on the girl who said no, and hurry up and work on a new one. One that doesnt know your history.