bentnotbroken Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Op has more than one issue to deal with here. Op says that in 10 years she and her children have never encountered racism.....OK... so I think the first order of business needs to be teaching her children what racism is, how it could affect them, and how to deal with it. As a separate issue there are children being called names and having rocks thrown at them. I agree that perhaps a face to face meeting with the police involved could help . However, in my experience it is difficult if not impossible to reason with a racist about a racial issue. As for people questioning the threat of violence. I find it very interesting that no comment was made regarding the violence being inflicted on innocent children by rock throwing racist thugs. If my children were being subjected to this, I have no doubt that I would use any and all resources at my command, up to and including violence to protect my children from this danger. You and me both.
thegoodlife Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I really hope this gets resolved. The issue makes me sick and really pisses me off.
Author tinktronik Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 Well, I went over to talk to the neighbors. They have a daughter who is about 11 that speaks fluent english, she was not involved in the name calling or rock throwing. She was able to help me along. In all honestly, the adult just kind of shrugged it off. The children involved did cry and apologize but the adult just kind of kept watching TV and shrugged her shoulders. It was pointed out that the children from their side are girls, while mine are boys; I don't see any difference but apparently, there is some in the minds of my neighbors. I don't know that confronted by an adult, the children should have had to "go it alone" but I do not believe they will continue with the comments. I'm at the point where it had better not happen again. I'm also at the point to where any BS I may have "let go" before will be responded to in an appropriate manner, not brushed aside as I would typically do. This includes problems with their home that are in violation of city code and brings down the value of my own home. Really, I have ignored a lot of things that have not been acceptable and have brought down my experience of the home I live in order to avoid any conflict. I have explained my children's heritage to them. I look about as "southern white girl" as you can; blue eyes, brown hair and fair skin. The boys have such a diverse mixture but they look at their skin and say "I'm white, look." So I think they identify mostly as caucasian. They live in a military environ most of the time and the culture is so diverse, racism just seems somehow tamped down more in an on base situation, so it's not a real issue in their school. I have discussed racism with them and they just seem puzzled, which I think is an appropriate response. They know that it's never okay for them to perpetrate it against others and that they don't have to tolerate it from others. Any other suggestions are welcome at this point.
bentnotbroken Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Great job mom. They don't come with a handbook, but I would say you showed them an appropriate(unlike I probably would have:D)response. Pray everything works out for you and your family.
PhoenixRise Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I think you have responded in the best way possible. There is nothing you can do about the attitude of the parents. Hopefully since the children seemed remorseful they will at least stop throwing rocks. There is also nothing you can do about what the other children might say. If you have taught your children about their heritage then you are probaly also teaching them how to handle whatever stupid comments might come their way and how they should respond appropriately. You did great. I still say keep the crazy eye and the can of whoop a$$ on reserve just in case.
Author tinktronik Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 Wouldn't she be sure since she is the one who sees them everyday? Are you sure you know what you are talking about? Thanks Bent. What I'd said was that a group of children would not be able to identify their race as being african american.
foreal Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 TT: How old are your boys and how old are the girls doing the taunting? Do the girls speak English?
Author tinktronik Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 TT: How old are your boys and how old are the girls doing the taunting? Do the girls speak English? My boys (3 of them) are 7-10 and the girls (7 of them) are 5-10; there is an 11 y/o but she was not involved. Honestly, as a mom to 3 boys (and quite aware of rambunctiousness) I did not take big issue with kids throwing things or some name calling; it was the specific racial component that upset me. If this had been an issue where the kids had been throwing rocks and calling each other 'stupid' or other such language, I would have gone directly to the girls involved and told them not to throw things and that it wasn't nice to name call. I also would have been suspect that my boys had been involved, in some way. However, once the racial component was introduced and the boys explained the situation, it was clear that this was something that had spilled over from 'adult comments' on the other side of the fence regarding my children and was not a 'provoked attack'. Some of the girls, the ones who have been in the US the longest, do speak english fluently but the two newest, who have only been here about 6 months, do not speak it very well yet.
Author tinktronik Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 You know, I thought about this all last night. I responded previously, but am bothered by my post. I answered sincerely and made my suggestion based on being a Mom with a child who has been picked on or otherwise discriminated against for reasons other than race. I have experienced that, so my reply was honest. But racism is different. I am not a minority, I have not experienced racism first hand. I can be active against it, I can abhor it...but it isnt the same. I dont know exactly what it feels like. I know I didnt offend anybody...but it bothered me last night because...I think in this type of forum, with the subjects we deal with...and even in life...its best to give advice based, not on opinion or ideas but on life experience. Advice /Comments/ etc.. from people who have not walked in your shoes always sounds , to me, self righteous and just ignorant. So - I should have just listened and learned something. Whew. I feel much better. lol. I think your initial advice does fit in there as a piece. I'm going to talk it over with my ex H as well. He has experienced some racism, he is more obviously of mixed race heritage, and grew up in the south. And I'm going to see if he will talk over with the boys as to appropriate reactions as well. I honestly, beyond telling the kids that they don't have to put up with it and that people who treat you badly for the color of your skin are ignorant, don't know what else to say to do or to tell them.
foreal Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 TT You are in a spot- however, if you are able to speak with the girls who do speak English, and if possible the parents as well, you can tell them directly that the name calling, specifically the "N" word is comparable to calling them "Indios". "Indios" are the indigineous Indians in Mexico and have long suffered racism w/i Mexico. The indiginous Indians are usually very dark...To call a Mexican an "Indio" is an insult, as is the N word when hurled negatively (As with the "N" word, Indio is used by and for various peoples for various purposes....but in this case, it is not used to forge or solidify comraderie, it is an insult) They may be surprised you would know this kind of thing and it may help you to get a more open reception and response. good luck!
foreal Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 and one other thing..I've taught school for many years, inner city as well as the posh areas....the subject came up often with kids name calling/racist etc. in both kinds of schools (more often in the inner city though as it is so much more diverse).. I showed the movie Glory (to 8th graders, Civil War unit) in the posh school and one of the AA girls just began to SOB during it...she was shocked! She'd made it all the way to 8th grade and had NO IDEA this kind of thing existed! As we say in the teaching business, this can be a teachable moment for your sons!
Tayla Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I know its late in responding, hoping the originating poster has resolved this matter. If so, what was the results? In reviewing this exchange of ideas for resolution I did notice a fluctuation of violence begets violence. Break that cycle please. No one has ever come out ahead when using such means. ANd yes I have experienced one of my children being harmed by another, its heartbreaking ....but I didnt use violence back. I used the law and followed suit in court to see that the other child received admonishment(juvenile detention) and juvenile counseling. The other parent was NOT happy with the courts ...but this wasnt about her happiness, it was about the kids. Mine deserving justice, and hers deserving correction and counseling. It is ironic that racism and not religion or cultural differences can also be added to the list thru out the ages. discrimination is alive and thriving unfortunately. Seriously though, who here is of one origin? Unless you visit the deep tribes in an island that has been isolated for centuries. And they dont have internet I suspect Point being purist left us generations ago and we have been a melting of different origins...the bottom line is...we carry a human duty to respect our differences as well as our commonalities.
Author tinktronik Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks new poster. The result was that I talked with the parents who did not seem to care. But the neighbor kids did get upset and I'm hoping it won't happen again. There have been some scathing looks over the fence from the neighbors side. I guess it is difficult to be called out on your beliefs. My cat has since disappeared. He's an old faithful russian grey who does not roam. He's been gone about a week and a half. I don't want to put too much onto this because I am of the opinion of "innocent unless proven otherwise". But my gut tells me exactly where my cat may have gone. In the meantime, I find myself angrier than I originally was over this. Much angrier. On Wed. I reported about 6 different "eyesore" issues to our code enforcement about their house. I reported their dog to animal control as we are a mandatory spay/neuter here and they have a female dog with 12 puppies; not to mention the pups howl all night. I'm just kind of done. We had issues with a previous set of neighbors a few years ago, (not the same types of issues) and they have moved away. The rest of the street has cleaned up and the homes have all of their repairs, add-ons, well kept yards, ect. And I['ve got a big A@@ fence going up over the next week or two.
allina Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Call the police and explain that the kids next door are throwing rocks on to your property and harassing your children. Explain that the parents are not doing anything about it and that you cannot communicate with them. A visit from the cops will set the family straight.
bentnotbroken Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Someone from Nigeria is of one origin, the black race aka negroid. Someone from Japan is of one origin, the East Asian race. You know, not everyone is mixed, at least not in the last few thousand years. :eek:???????:confused::confused:
missdependant Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I would recommend not reacting or showing any interest in what they're doing; taking the old route and ignoring them for a while. Eventually they will get bored. When kids act that way, it's a learned behavior.. probably from their parents. Trying to talk to their parents would probably add fuel to the fire. It is hurtful and you should comfort your kids, remind your kids that you love them. If the harassment gets out of control, report it to the police so a bilingual officer can take care of the issue for you. If they are immigrants, the last thing they will want is a cop knocking on their door. I can't think of a single immigrant (legal or illegal) who would want to risk being deported for something like this.
amerikajin Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I'm wondering...do you rent or own? Do they rent or own? I'll say this much: I would tread lightly. You don't know if your neighbors did anything to your cat. What you do know is that the father has shot off a gun, the kids taunt your children and throw stuff at them, and their parents don't really seem to care. That would tell me that these are people who don't seem particularly concerned about the force of the law, or the consequences of some of their unfriendly behavior. With people like this, you don't know what they're capable of. Maybe they're just an occasional pain in the ass. Maybe they've got it in them to do some really crazy stuff. You don't know, and you don't want to know. I know it's your neighborhood, your family, and your house and all of that...but you don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't mean that you should live in timidity, but be careful about approaching them.
LolitaVida Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 My boys are of mixed race. I am creole, but you wouldn't really know to look at me. My ex has a mixed race father. You cannot tell to look at my children what they are mixed with; they have white skin and dark hair. They are beautiful. We have never, in 10 years, encountered any racism directed towards the boys from anyone. Not in school, or in public, or anywhere. My boys have been friends for years with the Mexican kids that live next door. They have all of a sudden began throwing rocks over the fence and calling my children the N word and other derogatory names. There is no way that these children would know the kids are part african american if the parents had not brought it up. The parents don't speak or understand english, so me talking to them isn't an option. I have told my children for the time being to stay away from the children. But this is not really long-term solution as we live right next door. How should this be handled? As the mother of two mixed kids, I feel your pain. But please don't ask your kids to just let it go and see you do the same. Language barriers are no excuse. You need to find someone who speaks Spanish, explain to them the issue and have them go with you to your neighbor's house to translate every word you say and their responses. You need to explain to them what their children are doing, how it is affecting you and your children and tell them that it needs to stop TO-DAY! The fact that they have been victimized is no excuse for them to take it out on your boys. Good luck. But keep in mind that unless you confront it head on, things will not get better or stop.
missdependant Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 People are not going to be deported for being racist. The OP needs to distant herself from the neighbor, and that include her children too. She can't change the fact that she has black ancestry and she can't control how her nighbors feel about blacks. Not for being racist. But legal issues, yes.
Author tinktronik Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 I'm wondering...do you rent or own? Do they rent or own? I'll say this much: I would tread lightly. You don't know if your neighbors did anything to your cat. What you do know is that the father has shot off a gun, the kids taunt your children and throw stuff at them, and their parents don't really seem to care. That would tell me that these are people who don't seem particularly concerned about the force of the law, or the consequences of some of their unfriendly behavior. With people like this, you don't know what they're capable of. Maybe they're just an occasional pain in the ass. Maybe they've got it in them to do some really crazy stuff. You don't know, and you don't want to know. I know it's your neighborhood, your family, and your house and all of that...but you don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't mean that you should live in timidity, but be careful about approaching them. We both own our homes, as far as I know. I agree that tread lightly may be the correct approach, however, I will not put up with things I should have not put up with in the first place. I don't want their house bringing my home values down and I don't want to listen to their dog howl all night. Anymore. Ever. Again. I don't know that they did anything to my cat, and as such I will not automatically assume that they did something. I will not approach them again, I said my piece. I asked that they have their children refrain from calling mine racist names. That's what I can do in regard to that. And I'm having a big fence put up.
LolitaVida Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 There might be laws preventing kids from throwing rocks at each other, but I don't think there is a law that prevent kids from calling a black or partially black kid the N-word. If the parents don't want to do anything about it, which seems like the case after she talked to them with the daughter translating it, there is nothing she can do legally. Well, maybe she can dye their skin like Michael Jackson. Who's Bad? I don't find this funny at all.
missdependant Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I don't think there is a law that prevent kids from calling a black or partially black kid the N-word. You're correct.. it's our first amendment right. But it can also be considered harassment. There are many loopholes around our rights.
bentnotbroken Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I don't find this funny at all. You either:confused:.I guess my sense of humor is on strike today.
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