tinktronik Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 My boys are of mixed race. I am creole, but you wouldn't really know to look at me. My ex has a mixed race father. You cannot tell to look at my children what they are mixed with; they have white skin and dark hair. They are beautiful. We have never, in 10 years, encountered any racism directed towards the boys from anyone. Not in school, or in public, or anywhere. My boys have been friends for years with the Mexican kids that live next door. They have all of a sudden began throwing rocks over the fence and calling my children the N word and other derogatory names. There is no way that these children would know the kids are part african american if the parents had not brought it up. The parents don't speak or understand english, so me talking to them isn't an option. I have told my children for the time being to stay away from the children. But this is not really long-term solution as we live right next door. How should this be handled?
2sure Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Kids are mean. Kids have to deal with a lot of garbage, a lot of name calling, and abuse from each other. Its heartbreaking. Its either race, or weight, or looks, or their clothing, etc. My own daughter has struggled and its tough stuff, I agree. Its especially difficult when in our home - prejudices against others or rudeness are not tolerated. Its time to teach them to take the high road, so that they do not learn to retaliate in kind. You might try explaining to them that these children are doing to your children what others have done to them. And that , as you said, hate and prejudice are learned behaviors. Their parents are immigrants, traditionally low on the totem pole. I tell my daughter that prejudice for any reason is ignorance. And that she will find that the more ignorant a person is...the more they hate . For those who have not been raised better, possibly by poverty or circumstance...it can be important to find someone to hate. Definitely you should explain and let your children embrace their heritage while at the same time explaining that they are American...no one is a pure bred. Thats the beauty of it. Additionally, the next time someone throws a rock at your kid , pick it up take it next door and tell the family: You have a problem. Solve it. Look all crazy eyed, like a loose cannon capable of who knows what. Thats a universal thing, no translation required.
Devil Inside Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 My kids are mixed...heck I'm mixed. This is something that I have dealt with as a kid and as a parent. I tell my kids that there are going to be some people that will judge them because of their race. I try to explain that this is limiting and sad, but it is the truth. I tell them to be proud of themselves, and to never feel less than. My daughter has told a little girl at the park that she is sad that she has to call names, but she will still be her friend. In most of these cases the kids are learning from their parents. It is really sad to see one minority putting down another. I am mostly Mexican and I know first hand that there is racism in all races, but it makes me sad. Good luck.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 do you have a friend that speaks spanish that could go over to the neighbors home with you? i would suggest that if it's an option and let them know what their kids are doing.
Author tinktronik Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 do you have a friend that speaks spanish that could go over to the neighbors home with you? i would suggest that if it's an option and let them know what their kids are doing. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of a friend that speaks fluent spanish.. I'm sure I will come up with someone.
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Maybe there's someone on LS, who's Spanish literate, who could translate in writing for you, a couple of lines such as: I don't speak or understand Spanish so someone kindly translated this for me, so I could express this to you. I thought I would bring this to your attention that my children have been called racist names and have had rocks thrown at them, by your children. It makes me really sad to see this happening. Can you plse do something about this, in that we're not only neighbors, but that the children used to play together so nicely?
Author tinktronik Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Kids are mean. Kids have to deal with a lot of garbage, a lot of name calling, and abuse from each other. Its heartbreaking. Its either race, or weight, or looks, or their clothing, etc. My own daughter has struggled and its tough stuff, I agree. Its especially difficult when in our home - prejudices against others or rudeness are not tolerated. Its time to teach them to take the high road, so that they do not learn to retaliate in kind. You might try explaining to them that these children are doing to your children what others have done to them. And that , as you said, hate and prejudice are learned behaviors. Their parents are immigrants, traditionally low on the totem pole. I tell my daughter that prejudice for any reason is ignorance. And that she will find that the more ignorant a person is...the more they hate . For those who have not been raised better, possibly by poverty or circumstance...it can be important to find someone to hate. Definitely you should explain and let your children embrace their heritage while at the same time explaining that they are American...no one is a pure bred. Thats the beauty of it. Additionally, the next time someone throws a rock at your kid , pick it up take it next door and tell the family: You have a problem. Solve it. Look all crazy eyed, like a loose cannon capable of who knows what. Thats a universal thing, no translation required. Yeah, I know I'm going to have to go talk to them. I think my standards of what a descent neighbor is has really dropped. The home has 3 families in it and 2 years ago, we called the police after one of them was drunkenly firing off a gun in the air. He turned out to be jailed for a long time now ( this is the children's father), I don't know if it was for that alone or something else. There have been loud parties and dogs howling all night. I see the couple that owns the house trying really hard to be good neighbors... maybe it's the sheer number of people that are there? I don't know. Perhaps this is an issue of discrimination begetting discrimination. These have always seemed like mild mannered kids to me and this does seem sudden.
Author tinktronik Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Maybe there's someone on LS, who's Spanish literate, who could translate in writing for you, a couple of lines such as: I don't speak or understand Spanish so someone kindly translated this for me, so I could express this to you. I thought I would bring this to your attention that my children have been called racist names and have had rocks thrown at them, by your children. It makes me really sad to see this happening. Can you plse do something about this, in that we're not only neighbors, but that the children used to play together so nicely? This is a great idea. Thanks... Any Takers?
GorillaTheater Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Maybe there's someone on LS, who's Spanish literate, who could translate in writing for you, a couple of lines such as: I don't speak or understand Spanish so someone kindly translated this for me, so I could express this to you. I thought I would bring this to your attention that my children have been called racist names and have had rocks thrown at them, by your children. It makes me really sad to see this happening. Can you plse do something about this, in that we're not only neighbors, but that the children used to play together so nicely? Controle a sus niños o les daré vuelta en la sopa.
Author tinktronik Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Controle a sus niños o les daré vuelta en la sopa. hmmm. Looks a little suspect.
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Controle a sus niños o les daré vuelta en la sopa. Mmmm....yummy... hmmm. Looks a little suspect. For verification of translation, use Babelfish. I wouldn't use babelfish to translate your comments to someone else, since it's very literal.
Devil Inside Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Controle a sus niños o les daré vuelta en la sopa. Trabajara esos palabras muy bien.
Thaddeus Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Trabajara esos palabras muy bien. I think this says, "My hovercraft is full of eels." (With apologies to John Cleese.) Controle a sus niños o les daré vuelta en la sopa. Your mother is a refrigerated umbrella???
laRubiaBonita Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 not that you want to tattle on your neighbors... but overcrowding is a big issue currently. maybe your local government could look into that as well, because it does have adverse effects on the neighborhood- as you mentioned.
PhoenixRise Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 My boys are of mixed race. I am creole, but you wouldn't really know to look at me. My ex has a mixed race father. You cannot tell to look at my children what they are mixed with; they have white skin and dark hair. They are beautiful. We have never, in 10 years, encountered any racism directed towards the boys from anyone. Not in school, or in public, or anywhere. My boys have been friends for years with the Mexican kids that live next door. They have all of a sudden began throwing rocks over the fence and calling my children the N word and other derogatory names. There is no way that these children would know the kids are part african american if the parents had not brought it up. The parents don't speak or understand english, so me talking to them isn't an option. I have told my children for the time being to stay away from the children. But this is not really long-term solution as we live right next door. How should this be handled? Make sure your kids know that the problem comes from the people spewing racist comments and there is NOTHING wrong with them. You have been very fortunate if in ten years your kids have never experienced racisim. Do your children know about all the varied aspects of their heritage? Even if the other children don't know your kids are part AA, your kids know it right? I ask this because as someone who has often been the only minority in the room I have had people (former friends, co-worker, professors, etc.) say things that are racist with me present becaues they "forgot" that I was AA or they thought I would "understand" that they were not talking about ME. Sadly, racism and the irrational way it can make people behave is something your children will have to come to grips with. They are lucky they have you to help them with this. As for the parents with the rock throwing, racist children....I am with 2Sure.....the crazy eye needs no translation. The phrase "I Willl Whupp Somebodies A$$" is probaly universal as well.
bentnotbroken Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I am sorry your kids have to deal with this. Unfortunately it seems to be on the rise again. I am with everyone that says I will open a can of whup azz if my kids get hurt again, universal language.
2sure Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 You know, I thought about this all last night. I responded previously, but am bothered by my post. I answered sincerely and made my suggestion based on being a Mom with a child who has been picked on or otherwise discriminated against for reasons other than race. I have experienced that, so my reply was honest. But racism is different. I am not a minority, I have not experienced racism first hand. I can be active against it, I can abhor it...but it isnt the same. I dont know exactly what it feels like. I know I didnt offend anybody...but it bothered me last night because...I think in this type of forum, with the subjects we deal with...and even in life...its best to give advice based, not on opinion or ideas but on life experience. Advice /Comments/ etc.. from people who have not walked in your shoes always sounds , to me, self righteous and just ignorant. So - I should have just listened and learned something. Whew. I feel much better. lol.
WineCountry Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I typed up this long paragraph, but i erased it. I cant even SAY what i want to say, because I'd get flamed for it. A mexican calling someone ELSE names is just priceless, though. But I digress. I think trying to talk with the parents about it is a good first step. Of course, you DO need to find a spanish speaker to translate for you.
Chubbi Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Controle a sus niños o les daré vuelta en la sopa. Trabajara esos palabras muy bien. . Here's my translation: Pensé que prestarles a su atención que mis niños han sido llamados nombres racistas y han tenido piedras tiradas a ellos por sus niños. Me hace triste ver este. ¿Por favor puede hacer ustedes algo acerca de esta situación, porque espero que no seamos vecinos solamente pero amigos y nuestros niños deben poder jugar juntos? I didn't know how to translate the last sentence. What do you mean, "we're not neighbors only?" I translated it to say Can you please do something about this situation because I hope we're not neighbors only but friends and our kids should be able to play together. I hope that makes sense. I'm not a native speaker so somebody else may say it better than I.
Liquid9898 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I am sorry your kids have to deal with this. Unfortunately it seems to be on the rise again. I am with everyone that says I will open a can of whup azz if my kids get hurt again, universal language. Oh yeah, violence is the answer.
bentnotbroken Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Oh yeah, violence is the answer. When my kids are hurt...damn straight and I don't apologize for it.
bentnotbroken Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 They have black ethnic background and you're creole and they don't look black at all? Are you sure? Are you sure they don't have certain lips, jaws, nose, hair, skull shape, characteristics, etc. that are mostly associated with blacks? You keep saying they are light skinned. Race is more than skin deep, you know. For example, the skull of a black person is different than a white person. Wouldn't she be sure since she is the one who sees them everyday? Are you sure you know what you are talking about?
quankanne Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 my offering would have been, "Míra cabroncitos prietitos, you need to watchalé your little osicos, and your manners, too, or I'm gonna pow-pow your little fundillitos VERY hard, then tell your mamí you're being muy malo for no good reason, ¿entiendes?" seriously, though, I like what chubbi said in her post – very reasonable, and very much addressed at a parents' level. You need to remind the other parent that nothing's changed just because she's discovered your ancestry ... you're still her good neighbor, and you hope the kids understand that, too. if all else fails, remind her that La Virgencita Morena cries because her children's behavior pierces her heart ... or that you know the cucuy, you're good friends, and if they don't start acting nice, you're sending him over after they go to sleep!
boldjack Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Tink, I don't think a letter, sent unilaterally, is the answer. I would try for a face to face meeting, with somebody to interpret (possibly from your local Human Services, or P.D.) It seems to me that you have two issues here. If I understand right, you called the cops on them for firing a weapon, and the father was arrested and locked up. They probably blame you for this. I'm not saying it's right, but that would seem to be the initial break with your neighbors. The issue of Racism is probably their method of antagonizing you, as "payback", for the Arrest. Face to face comunication will eliminate any chance of misunderstanding. Many cities have neighborhood crisis/ cultural management persons available to help in just such situations. Either your local police or social services should be able to point you in the right direction. I hope that with good communication and trained professional help, your life can go back to normal, and the kids can play again. Good Luck
PhoenixRise Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Op has more than one issue to deal with here. Op says that in 10 years she and her children have never encountered racism.....OK... so I think the first order of business needs to be teaching her children what racism is, how it could affect them, and how to deal with it. As a separate issue there are children being called names and having rocks thrown at them. I agree that perhaps a face to face meeting with the police involved could help . However, in my experience it is difficult if not impossible to reason with a racist about a racial issue. As for people questioning the threat of violence. I find it very interesting that no comment was made regarding the violence being inflicted on innocent children by rock throwing racist thugs. If my children were being subjected to this, I have no doubt that I would use any and all resources at my command, up to and including violence to protect my children from this danger.
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