JL911 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 My ex and I dated for over 3 years. We met in college and slowly fell in love. I waited almost 6 months to tell her I loved her because I wanted to know that I meant it before I blurted it out. We had your average college relationship, drinks, movies, staying together, ect... I graduated before her and always talked to her, always emailed her, always went to visit when I could. The whole time we both seemed to be very set on the fact that we were in love and very committed to one another. I thought we were very connected... She graduated in May of 2009. She didnt get the job she hoped for, she had to move home with her parents, which was further away from me...We stayed close and talked alot throughout the day via email and texts. We seemed pretty set on the fact that we were going to be together forever. In June I bought a boat it took time away from her while i was getting it ready for the water...She and I had always talked about the things we were going to have in life, a boat was one of them. She supported me through the whole process. However soon things started to get weird. We started fighting over who was going to move where and very small things started to eat at her. I keep pushing the matter trying to get her to sit down and talk to me so we could work this out...When we finally did we talked, cried, and I thought came to a conclusion that we were going to work this out...Then she told me she needed a week to think about things...The following Sunday she broke up with me... 3 weeks ago we broke up, I was very very emotional, she said it wasnt working anymore for her, and she doesnt know if maybe there is someone else out there who might be more suitable for her...She feels we have just became good friends..I thought we could talk this out, but her mind is pretty made up at this point....We're done.... However, 2 weeks prior to this breakup she was asking about getting married in October in 2 years...I was going to try to propose in December over Christmas, but that doesnt look likely now....I dont know what to think...I think she is just confused...She broke up with me and gave me a list of things I do wrong from how I spend money, to laundry, to picking up clothes, to not liking the same kind of music she does...It was very hurtful especially after almost 4 years together...Why is she picking me apart like this after almost 4 years??? Are these the real reasons behind this decision, because I certainly can do all of these things.... She said she wanted to stay friends, but I am just not able to deal with that. I cannot keep myself in her life only to be hurt and tormented every single day. I want her to love me again... I didnt cope well at first. I cried to her, begged and pleaded with her not to do this....She says no...Says she is not taking me back...I have now come to terms and told her that I have accepted her decision and am trying to move forward with my life. I have stopped talking, emailing, texting, and all other forms of communication with her...I figure if she doesnt want me as a Boyfriend/Husband, than I can be nothing to her...She cannot have her cake and eat it too...I just wish she would miss me... I am in such pain, and it is so hard to wake up and face the day without her each morning. I am in therapy 1 night a week trying to cope with this loss. I cling to some hope that someday she might be back, but I know that might not be the case. I love her...I miss her...She made my days so much better while we were together...I know I never needed her, and will get past this, but I really want her in my life...I feel like I have lost my best friend...But I am trying to be strong...Im trying to put my life back together and trying to stay busy. Its so hard to look at the things I once enjoyed so much. My boat I view now as a mistake that helped take her away from me...My friends even remind me of all the good times I had when she was with me and them, my room walls are bare because I took everything out that reminded me of her... I worry so much that I am going to get my life back on track maybe with someone else and have her pop back into my life. I dont want to have another relationship started with someone only to doubt and question it just because my ex finally realized what she lost. I dont want to hurt anyone or make anyone feel the way I feel right now.... I am trying to be strong...I know I can get through this...Its just a lot to take...I really dont want to forget her but I realize that might be the only way...I just dont know what else I can do...I wish there was something I could do or say for a second chance with her....I know I made some mistakes and I am very sorry....I just dont know how you can throw someone away who once meant the world to you.
adamt Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 It sounds like she had been thinking about Dumping you for a while. She is probably changing at that age. She is probably growing apart from you. Its a shame dumpers dont talk about issues before it is too late. Sounds like all the warning signs were there. I know how you feel as a similar thing happened to me. Keep busy and look after yourself and dont contact her. Do things that interest you and make you feel better. Believe me you will feel a lot better in time if you try to move on.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I'm getting the impression she might of asked about marriage because she was hoping it would change her feelings for you. She feels like you're just a friend but that love and passion isn't there, she probably wanted badly for it to return and thought that maybe talks about marriage would confure up lovey dovey feelings for you. That's also probably when she realised even THAT wasn't going to do it and knew there was no way to avoid it, she needed to break up with you. Don't be too hard on yourself for all the begging, pleading etc. While I don't advise you let it go on for more than a couple of days; I think it's actually a good thing to do it. I know what you're thinking "WHAT? THAT'S LIKE, THE WORST ADVICE EVER." No, it's not. You begged and pleaded because she was important to you, you loved her and didn't want to let her go without a fight. Now, you can't "scare someone off" who feels the same way about you as you do them. You just can't. Anyone who is in love with you and wants to be with you, won't be turned off with your rash displays of passion for them, anyone who is? You have already lost them. Secondly, I think it's a natural response to fight for somehting you care about, more times than not the person is gone already but you will always know you did what you could. Not begging them isn't going to change their mind anymore than begging them. I'm sure people will disagree; but someone coming back because they miss you doesn't mean they are coming back because they love you, and it DOESN'T mean they are going to comitt and be in it for the long haul. It just means that they have come to realise a stable entity in their life is no longer there and they want it back; and as soon as it is BAM they are back to their old ways. I'd say the ship has definately sailed with this girl.
Author JL911 Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 We had been talking about marriage for longer than just this rough period. I know there is nothing I can do to make her love me. But she is saying she still does love me. She told my sister that as well. Its very confusing. Maybe she just needs to see what is out there and maybe someday she may come back to me, but I dont know if at that point I will still be willing.... Its just so hard...Its so hard trying to pick up the pieces of my now shattered self...Its so hard because I know I would have loved her forever.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Loving you and being in love with you, are two seperate things. You don't leave someone you're in love with.
adamt Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I think people use the words "I love you" far too much and easy without actually really in love with someone. I think the phrase should be treated with more respect than just as if you are writing your partner a birthday card.
Author JL911 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I would have to agree...I really dont know what is going on in this girls head. She sent an email to my mother pretty much as a goodbye, but also asked if she was still going to send her pictures of my nephew. Its like I dont want to date your son, but I still want to be connected to your family....Odd... I think she has just lost her mind right now and just needs to think and be free, things were not working out in all aspects of her life and she pinned alot of the blame on me and just found her way out of the relationship maybe because it was easier that way...Says she still wants to be friends, and that she still loves me, its all just BS trying to keep me around while she "figures" things out...I am not a fall back guy...I am better than this...So Ive now gone "NC"...tomorrow is 7 days...I figure if she wants to talk she can come see me, she knows where I work, live, and spend my free time. Giving someone reasons that you dont like similar music or all these small petty things is a real BS way to break up...I loved her, but apparently she does not know what love is...Young and dumb with a whole bunch of scary changes in her life is about all I can put together in this situation. She threw a lot of things up in my face that I trusted her with... I honestly think that in time she is going to regret this decision and regret how heartless she was when she ended things with me. And who knows where I will be when that time comes...Life has such a terrible way at paying you back for those you have wronged...Its usually much worse too... I do hope maybe someday things might work out, but this is still all new to me and I still miss her. I dont really know what is in store for me or what I will find once I get over this heartache...Maybe someday we can reconsile...I know I gave her a lot of really great memories and her entire college life was spent with me, and no one can take that away...For over 3.5 years she was my world....I know there probaly are a few things I could have done differently, but I know that for the time being, I did the best I could and had her best intentions at heart...I was loyal, caring, devoted, always there, and a very stable entity in her life...Even when things were going bad I was still trying to work it out with her...I think she will realize that...I am not the type to walk away...But I have no other options. Its just so hard to pull myself out of bed each morning...I know I am a wonderful guy with so much to give someone...It feels like every good quality in me has been degraded and that I have been thrown away by someone who I confided everything in...It just hurts...But I know I will come out of this even more improved as a person...
Recommended Posts