carnegie Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I know do "NC rule" is very useful to enjoy my life without my ex, and it will make her miss me ( maybe). But when she try to contact me, and ask me to come back with her, what should i do? How to know if she really still loves me? Please help!!
Thaddeus Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 You may be misunderstanding the point of NC. It's not to get your ex to miss you and come crawling back. (That does happen on occasion, but I think it's relatively rare.) It's to allow you to move forward without constant reminders of your ex. If she does come back, what do you do? Well, I guess that depends why you broke up with her in the first place. What was the reason for the break-up?
silic0ntoad Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 You can't focus on that. You need to focus on you. NC isn't about getting your Ex back. It's about getting YOU back. If the ex comes back, I am sure you will know what to say. But you need to be clear headed and not clouded with emotion if/when it happens.
Devil Inside Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 You can't focus on that. You need to focus on you. NC isn't about getting your Ex back. It's about getting YOU back. If the ex comes back, I am sure you will know what to say. But you need to be clear headed and not clouded with emotion if/when it happens. Well said. NC is about you. Often when they come back you will be in a stronger frame of mind and realize the relationship ended for good reasons, and not want them back.
EmptyPromises Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 no contact is for MOVING ON. not to get your ex back. you should be thinking of moving on, and if your ex comes running back, GREAT. but chances are probably not very high.
silic0ntoad Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 no contact is for MOVING ON. not to get your ex back. you should be thinking of moving on, and if your ex comes running back, GREAT. but chances are probably not very high. Yup. Thus my comment. You need to focus on you. Sure, you loved this person- but the person you loved would never hurt you like this, and cause the demise of a great thing, would they? It took me a while to realise this as well. I sitting by a lake smoking a cigarette and my friend was like "What do you want?" Me: "Her. Back." Friend: "Do you want her back? Or the person she used to be?" Me: "Oh, s h i t." It was a moment of awakening. But for now, focus on you, and what you want. Do things that NEVER involved the ex.
Author carnegie Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 You may be misunderstanding the point of NC. It's not to get your ex to miss you and come crawling back. (That does happen on occasion, but I think it's relatively rare.) It's to allow you to move forward without constant reminders of your ex. If she does come back, what do you do? Well, I guess that depends why you broke up with her in the first place. What was the reason for the break-up? Well. in fact she is the one who told me that she had lost all feelings for me. She told me she was not sure if our relationship is a true love. She also said she was sorry about that, but she didnt know what to do... Silic: thanks for your advice! I think i had misunderstood about NC!
silic0ntoad Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 No problem. It was easier for me when I stopped doing the things her and I did together and started doing things on my own. Listen to new music, try new places to eat, do something sporadic that you have ALWAYS wanted to do but you couldn't.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 i've never really understood this NO CONTACT rule - i see its uses being primarily good for abusive and violent relationships like war of the roses type **ish... this practice does not make someone miss you - if it ended on civilized terms it should remain thus - otherwise it tends to instigate hate.. out of sight out of mind works well too - what worked to get over one relationship doesn't work to get over another one... if its an ADDICTIVE relationship rehab is an option - that is another story people shouldn't come together to change (which creates dependency and co dependency) it should be because they compliment each other... sorry i'm rambling
dreamergrl Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 NC Refresher NC is not meant to get your ex back NC is not meant for you to answer the ex's phone calls NC is not meant as a game NC is great when used correctly. This means, do not answer calls. Do not make calls. No emails. No coffee, tea, or drinks. If you don't want to move on, I think you need a new game plan
ScarLettIsle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 ok so in NC - who initiates this the dumper or the dumpee... and if u really did want that person back - how the hell are u supposed to communicate that in NC????
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 ok so in NC - who initiates this the dumper or the dumpee... and if u really did want that person back - how the hell are u supposed to communicate that in NC???? Everyone has their own version of NC. In my opinion if you were dumped then the dumper makes the first move to communicate. They only way you know when they are serious about coming back to be with you is when they are banging down your door to see you or they call and say "i just HAVE to see you..." or something like that and they flat our say they want to come back. A stupid text like "hey whats up?" or "whats going on?" means nothing.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 thanks honey... after reading all these posts i'm beginning to feel like the dumper... hmmm
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 thanks honey... after reading all these posts i'm beginning to feel like the dumper... hmmm Well then there you go...if you want to get back with someone you dumped you would be the one to make contact first if that is what you wanted to do. Those who dump people are saying they don't want to be with them (obviously) so they are more "obligated" to make contact again if there has been NC for a while. Just my take anyway.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 i did he's ignoring me ...probably reading this site
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 i did he's ignoring me ...probably reading this site Either way if you reached out and he is ignoring you then you have to just let him come to you at some point and don't contact him again until then. No point beating a dead horse.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 true... my adhd is already kicking in so he better hurry up.... lol
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 true... my adhd is already kicking in so he better hurry up.... lol Oh boy....he's screwed
Author carnegie Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Day 2 NC. It's really tough. Yesterday i met her at public and i tried to avoid seeing her and talking to her...and last night, she sent a sms to me and said "why did you avoid talking to me? ok I will avoid talking to you, too". I ignored! Did I do the right thing?
gypsi Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 im dying 33 days no contact this is the longest i have ever gone without hearing from her!! She inuatued our last contact made me feel good because she is still thinking of me...now i dont hear from her she is starting to forget about me!! Im so down i want her back. Should i email her? I dont have her number anymore i deleted it.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Day 2 NC. It's really tough. Yesterday i met her at public and i tried to avoid seeing her and talking to her...and last night, she sent a sms to me and said "why did you avoid talking to me? ok I will avoid talking to you, too". I ignored! Did I do the right thing? That depends on what you want. Do you want to reconcile with her? or do you want to move on? If you want to move on then theres no harm done. If you want to have her back at any point then I wouldn't have done that I would have said "hey whats up?" and just kept walking. Theres not need for a long conversation or anything but keeping it simple lets her know your not going to ignore her. I don't believe in ignoring exes when you see them or if THEY contact you. I believe in being calm and completely indifferent towards them because in my opinion if you can show someone that what they did or are doing is not affecting you in anyway and you can still go on with your life then that is much more self respecting then ignoring them and running away from the problem. Just my thoughts.
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 im dying 33 days no contact this is the longest i have ever gone without hearing from her!! She inuatued our last contact made me feel good because she is still thinking of me...now i dont hear from her she is starting to forget about me!! Im so down i want her back. Should i email her? I dont have her number anymore i deleted it. She is NEVER going to forget you. If she wanted to talk to you she would plain and simple. I wouldn't contact her. If you deleted her number but she happens to call or contact you then respond but keep it short and simple and don't indulge her with too much of what you are doing. I wouldn't ignore her but just be very light and simple if she does get a hold of you.
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