Notsogood Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Lost my love of 5 and a half years, the only thing I really cared about and loved, 2 months ago and it hurts. She was my first and only love of my life and I'm afraid to say, this experience has scarred me and hurt me like nothing has ever or could ever hurt me. I'm sorry to say that I will now shut my heart out. Love just isn't worth it. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING AS LOVE. I now understand how my friends are so emotionally detached to the girls they meet, I guess they are now wiser from their past experiences. I'm afraid I will now become a cold hearted bastard, as this is the only way to prevent this happening again. Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS.
Devil Inside Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I know how you feel. I've gone through that stage a time or two. I would recommend not jumping into anything too soon. You will only hurt some poor girl and feel guilty about it later. You were in love for five years...give it some time...you'll get your mojo back when you least expect it.
leap83 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Hmmmm... I think you should re-read your comment. Just because THIS love sucked, doesn't mean the next one will. I feel your pain because I've been there but let me tell you something - everything happens for a reason and a year from now, you will look at this comment and laugh, because it will be funny. If you say there's no such thing as love, then how come you lost "the love of your life"? Don't worry. It's not the end of the world. Things will get better. Don't become a cold hearted bastard but learn from this experience. Be more cautious - yes. But judge as to whether the next person is worth opening your heart to and if they are, give them a chance. You'll see what I mean once you've reached that stage. It gets easier.
moo Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS. If you are cold hearted and distant to the next gf, it will be your fault. Don't make her pay for your bad experiences. Heal, and learn from your mistakes. Then be cautious, but not cold.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Lost my love of 5 and a half years, the only thing I really cared about and loved, 2 months ago and it hurts. She was my first and only love of my life and I'm afraid to say, this experience has scarred me and hurt me like nothing has ever or could ever hurt me. I'm sorry to say that I will now shut my heart out. Love just isn't worth it. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING AS LOVE. I now understand how my friends are so emotionally detached to the girls they meet, I guess they are now wiser from their past experiences. I'm afraid I will now become a cold hearted bastard, as this is the only way to prevent this happening again. Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS. Whoa, everyone... I think we are looking back in time. THIS is Utterer of Lies a few years ago... And it's natural for you to feel this way and hate love and women and relationships for a while. You will heal my friend. Just be ready for the pain, and run towards it. Never be afraid to cry...
Author Notsogood Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 My heart is empty and my soul is dead. I have no more love to give and no more tears to shed. Nothing lasts forever, all connections will eventually be severed. It is better to detach yourself from everything and everyone and save yourself the heartache later on - because thats where we will all eventually end up - ALONE
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Lost my love of 5 and a half years, the only thing I really cared about and loved, 2 months ago and it hurts. She was my first and only love of my life and I'm afraid to say, this experience has scarred me and hurt me like nothing has ever or could ever hurt me. I'm sorry to say that I will now shut my heart out. Love just isn't worth it. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING AS LOVE. I now understand how my friends are so emotionally detached to the girls they meet, I guess they are now wiser from their past experiences. I'm afraid I will now become a cold hearted bastard, as this is the only way to prevent this happening again. Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS. Wiser? Is that what you think? No, they are weaker. They choose to remain weaker. Instead of taking an experience that most all will go through at least once in their life and learning, growing, and healing from it. They have let it defeat them and they let it perpetually hurt them. Love is beautiful and wonderful and if it ends it's a nightmare, and a guillotine. Your friends are just wounded people walking around. They might not be hurt over the ex that lead them to this decision, but they are missing out on the opportunity to have security and love some day. Trust me, that's hardly being wise or strong.
bhawake Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 5 and 1/2 years is a long time. IMO you will need longer than one year to get over it. It could very well be 2 plus years. 4 plus years I was with my wife before she left me out of the blue and we haven't spoke since except through divorce paperwork. It has been 8 months and I still hurt almost as much as the day it happened. Just hang in there though. I dont know, nor does anyone else know when you will feel better. But you gotta just go day by day. I feel your pain.
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 My heart is empty and my soul is dead. I have no more love to give and no more tears to shed. Nothing lasts forever, all connections will eventually be severed. It is better to detach yourself from everything and everyone and save yourself the heartache later on - because thats where we will all eventually end up - ALONE Hey Mr Sunshine, try to keep a cap on the optimism here. Listen, in all seriousness... if this is how you deal with the pain, so be it. But I strongly suggest you confide in someone who cares about you, the pain you feel. I also strongly suggest a psychologist or councilor. You aren't alone my friend, I felt like you do right now. I had a girl I would've DIED for. And I mean, if someone had a gun to our heads, and told us to pick who lives.. I would've SCREAMED at him to shoot me. Can I act like you are, too? Sure. But unfortunately, unless this is just a very temporary phase you're facing, then it's pretty dangerous. This isn't a mentality you want to find yourself swimming in until your arms get tired.
Author Notsogood Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Everyone says it will get easier but it has only gotten worse. The pain is unbearable and it takes everything in me to get out of bed. I am a walking zombie now, I'm sure my colleagues at work have noticed. I can't concentrate and focus on anything, just the same thoughts and memories running through my head. I just want this to end. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am mentally and physically drained. I'm not suicidal but I wish I could just fade away into oblivion. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? I can't see it, it is complete darkness in here. I am a prisoner in my own mind and there is no escape. I try my best to put on a brave face, but behind these eyes theres nothing but pain and despair. I never knew there was such a pain as this, 100 times more painful than any physical wound I have ever sustained. Was it worth it? At this stage, I will say No. I had five of the best years of my life, but now every happy memory brings 10 times as much pain. Pain that noone and nothing can help. I blame this pain on one thing - LOVE. LOVE SUCKS
ThomasX Forever Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 You're very in touch with reality and I find it refreshing. If I had a nickel for every idiot who came here, trying to play it cool and composed, posting with a smiley face in his breakup post, I wouldn't need to publish any books. You're right though, the memories are nothing but pain. I never understood how people said that the happy memories will help you through it. They COULDN'T BE more off. The happy memories are like cancer in your brain. But that's where crying comes in. Because every tear you cry, contains a memory within it that you're releasing from your head and heart. It WILL get better. What people FAILED to tell you is it's going to get WORSE FIRST. The light at the end of the tunnel is many many miles away and that's why it isn't visible. And the light from the side of the tunnel you entered from, is starting to fade, and you will become engulfed in complete darkness as you get to the middle of that tunnel. But persevere through the few miles of absolute darkness and the light will begin to become visible again, and all the walking you did will make you a hell of a lot stronger.
Exit Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 There's no way to fast forward healing after 5.5 years. I'm 4 months in and still suffering over a year and a half. Don't bother looking for the light at the end of the tunnel because you're nowhere near the end yet. It's completely normal to feel the way you do. You will make it, you will survive, and you will be ten times stronger than you were before.
Confused_Chump Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 This period you’re going through is going to be the hardest on your journey to recovery. However, if you allow yourself to accept that time will mend your heart and then hang in there with all your strength, the pain you’re feeling now will slowly diminish bit by bit everyday. In times of uncertainty, like you're experiencing right now, I recommend reading some books on dealing with break ups. Some of them will give you a good step by step process that will lead you in the right direction towards the light at the end of this dark dark tunnel. I whole heatedly agree with hoping2heal that "Love is beautiful and wonderful and if it ends it's a nightmare, and a guillotine". Right now, I don't think you should worry about being a "cold hearted bastard" or future relationships. The only thing that matters now is mending your heart and becoming whole again. It takes courage to open one's heart to someone else because like you're experiencing now, it can end up being extremely painful. So once you've healed, decide then on whether you're ready to open up your heart once again to someone else. This special person may be the one that will show you that "love is wonderful".
NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Lost my love of 5 and a half years, the only thing I really cared about and loved, 2 months ago and it hurts. She was my first and only love of my life and I'm afraid to say, this experience has scarred me and hurt me like nothing has ever or could ever hurt me. I'm sorry to say that I will now shut my heart out. Love just isn't worth it. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING AS LOVE. I now understand how my friends are so emotionally detached to the girls they meet, I guess they are now wiser from their past experiences. I'm afraid I will now become a cold hearted bastard, as this is the only way to prevent this happening again. Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS. This is exactly why men do become dicks, jerks, players, and all the things women SAY they hate in a guy. When a man gets hurts early on in a relationship that is all it takes for them to become that way and women wonder why they act the way they do? Look man you can't change the past. What happened happened and theres no going back. Your going to feel like crap and your probably going to feel like you have no soul for quite a long time. If you feel like staying in bed all day, then do it. If you feel like crying then let it out. Do what is necessary to let all that crap out so you can begin to heal. You WILL heal it is just a matter of when and how long since everyone is different. I had to see my wife die two weeks after our kid was born...I STILL am haunted by her shadow from time to time and shes been gone for five years. Just when I think I fully healed I will get something that reminds me of her and boom i feel that sting again. It took me YEARS to finally move on from that horrible experience. But i have to be strong for my kid an ensure she has a good life. You have to find what will give you your strength to go on and survive to another day. Once you find it...keep it for as long as you need it no matter what it may be.
silic0ntoad Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hey man, I feel you. It does get far, far worse before it gets better. You just have to keep your chin up and balls out and slug through it. Not much else can be done.Thomas X is right- happy memories are simply another stab at the wound of loss. For me, I am still struggling with mine, but not as intensely as before. Try new things. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do anything.
MSUE Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Lost my love of 5 and a half years, the only thing I really cared about and loved, 2 months ago and it hurts. She was my first and only love of my life and I'm afraid to say, this experience has scarred me and hurt me like nothing has ever or could ever hurt me. I'm sorry to say that I will now shut my heart out. Love just isn't worth it. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING AS LOVE. I now understand how my friends are so emotionally detached to the girls they meet, I guess they are now wiser from their past experiences. I'm afraid I will now become a cold hearted bastard, as this is the only way to prevent this happening again. Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS. aw...I'm sorry you are hurting so bad...5 1/2 years is a long time...and although right now you are in such oain...time will pass and you will start feeling a lil better...one day at a time...Love does exist...I experience it everyday...but love like everything else in life comes to an end...if you have this gut feeling that next girl in your life will be hurt because of what this past experience has done to your heart then that means that you have more healing to do before you have a R again...think about..its a not fair to the next girl to pay the price for something someone else did...its truly a bit unfair I hope your heart heals soon and keep your chin up...this too will pass...you may not think it will...but trust me it truly will...now it may not be today or this week or even month everyone heals differently some need more time than others... I'm sending you hugs
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Everyone says it will get easier but it has only gotten worse. The pain is unbearable and it takes everything in me to get out of bed. I am a walking zombie now, I'm sure my colleagues at work have noticed. I can't concentrate and focus on anything, just the same thoughts and memories running through my head. I just want this to end. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am mentally and physically drained. I'm not suicidal but I wish I could just fade away into oblivion. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? I can't see it, it is complete darkness in here. I am a prisoner in my own mind and there is no escape. I try my best to put on a brave face, but behind these eyes theres nothing but pain and despair. I never knew there was such a pain as this, 100 times more painful than any physical wound I have ever sustained. Was it worth it? At this stage, I will say No. I had five of the best years of my life, but now every happy memory brings 10 times as much pain. Pain that noone and nothing can help. I blame this pain on one thing - LOVE. LOVE SUCKS i am starting to see this is the fun part, the depression, sadness, self hatred. this is what gives us the inspiration to create a great work of art, the next ebay, our next great love. without it we would settle of less.
RedDevil66 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I'm in my mid 40's and loved and lost. And you're right, love does suck. Why? Well because most of us have false expectations of what love is. being closed off and bitter is actually a survival mechanism. Here's the thing, love is not really an emotion. It's an act, it's an energy. When you can learn to love freely and stay neutral about it, its hurts less. The tough part is to figure out how to get to this level. It comes with age and experience
ms.stressed Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Lost my love of 5 and a half years, the only thing I really cared about and loved, 2 months ago and it hurts. She was my first and only love of my life and I'm afraid to say, this experience has scarred me and hurt me like nothing has ever or could ever hurt me. I'm sorry to say that I will now shut my heart out. Love just isn't worth it. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING AS LOVE. I now understand how my friends are so emotionally detached to the girls they meet, I guess they are now wiser from their past experiences. I'm afraid I will now become a cold hearted bastard, as this is the only way to prevent this happening again. Sincere apologies in advance to the next girl I am with, its not my fault - this is the reality of life. LOVE SUCKS. Oh Dear please don't say that. As a woman going through this, no one wants a piece of a man. Please don't close yourself off. I think this is what happened to my ex. So many women did him wrong that he didn't know what to do with a good woman (me) when he had it. I've broken up with my ex and taken him back so many times. Please don't inflict this pain on another woman. Trust me good women are out there waiting to be loved fully and completely. Don't give up on love.
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