Beardy Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I've posted this over on ENA, but would love the opinions of some LS regulars. Sorry if this is a forum faux pas! Brief summary for those not familiar with my story: 5 1/2 realtionship, I go overseas for 2 mths, come back and she does the "love you but not in love" routine, I move out of our apartment, two or so months later I actually find out that there was another man involved - a Hollywood actor no less (both the EX and I are from the UK). When I found out about the other man, I decided to stop being friendly and go complete NC. Then one of our old pets got sick and she keeps texting me about that, which I feel kind of responsible to respond to - it's not the pet's fault we split up and if the EX needs advice about that, well, I feel I should give it. Last weekend was my birthday, at a party I made quite a connection with a new girl. She's cute, great fun and we've known each other for years. We flirted all night and now she's going to a wedding overseas with me in Oct - as a friend or something more, I'm not sure yet. I'm fairly certain she's keen, but if pushed, I really can't say I'm over my EX and deep down part of the reason I'd pursue something with the new girl would be as a stepping stone to getting over the EX. So the next day was my actual brithday. I got cards from my EX's parents and sister, nothing from the EX until late in the evening, something pithy text message, which was more about the sick pet than wishing me well on my birthday - like it had been an afterthought. The cards from her family both pleaded with me to get in touch with them as they miss me so much, "There's a hole in this family that no-one else can fill" to quote verbatim. I miss her family. I know they'd be happier if I was with her than with this guy based in the US and who is about 10 years older than my EX. I suspect my EX is probably in some weird rebound/GIGs/late-20s life crisis relationship - age difference, complete different lifestyles, long distance, plus the kudos of dating a semi-famous actor. It's because of this, deep-down, I hope she comes back to me. Some questions: Go complete NC with the EX regardless of the pet?Pursue things with the new girl - I'm scared of hurting either of us?Get back in contact with the Ex's family?This has gone on too long. Thanks in advance for your patience!
mickleb Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I'd speak to the family and deal with them about the pet - ask them if they can help out and give some suggestions. Still makes it clear you don't want to speak to your ex. Take the new girl to the wedding AS A FRIEND and keep it that way until you KNOW you are over your ex. It's not fair of you to rebound onto her just because your ex has done it to you. I would suggest you need some time to really deal with what has happened to you. Five and a half years is a SIGNIFICANT relationship and there's NO WAY you have processed all of this yet. (You still want her back.) Hope this is useful. Good luck. x
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I've posted this over on ENA, but would love the opinions of some LS regulars. Sorry if this is a forum faux pas! Brief summary for those not familiar with my story: 5 1/2 realtionship, I go overseas for 2 mths, come back and she does the "love you but not in love" routine, I move out of our apartment, two or so months later I actually find out that there was another man involved - a Hollywood actor no less (both the EX and I are from the UK). Ouch. When I found out about the other man, I decided to stop being friendly and go complete NC. Good. Smart. Then one of our old pets got sick and she keeps texting me about that, which I feel kind of responsible to respond to - it's not the pet's fault we split up and if the EX needs advice about that, well, I feel I should give it. So she knows manipulation and it works like a charm on you. Make no mistake that is what it was. There are PLENTY of other sources she could of sought information from about advice with the sick pet. She chose you as an alterior motive, and you bought the bait. Also, no it isn't your pets fault you split, and at the risk of angering PETA here, it's a pet and not a child, she used it to bait you, you took the bait because you wanted too, and now you are trying to justify doing what you know you shouldn't of with some lame excuse about how it's a pet and it isn't their fault, and I'm sure she's so helpless she couldn't of gotten the information herself. Oh please. Last weekend was my birthday, at a party I made quite a connection with a new girl. She's cute, great fun and we've known each other for years. We flirted all night and now she's going to a wedding overseas with me in Oct - as a friend or something more, I'm not sure yet. I'm fairly certain she's keen, but if pushed, I really can't say I'm over my EX and deep down part of the reason I'd pursue something with the new girl would be as a stepping stone to getting over the EX. Don't do that. Don't use someone else. It's not very nice, and you don't enjoy being hurt right? Don't take your hurt self out and hurt someone else then. So the next day was my actual brithday. I got cards from my EX's parents and sister, nothing from the EX until late in the evening, something pithy text message, which was more about the sick pet than wishing me well on my birthday - like it had been an afterthought. Yeah, more crap. The cards from her family both pleaded with me to get in touch with them as they miss me so much, "There's a hole in this family that no-one else can fill" to quote verbatim. This family isn't very helpful right now. I suppose though that it wouldn't be too proper to write them back and telling them that unfortunately their daughter didn't feel the same way as she was having hollywood hunk man fill her hole. I mean jeez, they probably mean well but they should think about what is in your best interest, you've been through a lot. I miss her family. I know they'd be happier if I was with her than with this guy based in the US and who is about 10 years older than my EX. That's fine, but you are not dating her family. Her family does not get to choose for her. It doesn't matter what her family wants, do not confuse that with what SHE wants. I suspect my EX is probably in some weird rebound/GIGs/late-20s life crisis relationship - age difference, complete different lifestyles, long distance, plus the kudos of dating a semi-famous actor. Yeah, the kudos. They really are worth nearly selling your soul for. It's because of this, deep-down, I hope she comes back to me. No honey, it's because it hasn't yet hit you what she actually did and how she betrayed you, that you hope she comes back to you. Some questions: Go complete NC with the EX regardless of the pet?Pursue things with the new girl - I'm scared of hurting either of us?Get back in contact with the Ex's family?This has gone on too long. Thanks in advance for your patience! Go complete NC - yes. Pursie things with new girl - no. Get back in touch with ex's family - that's a hell no. I understand they mean well, but it's only going to make things much worse for you. Remember, it hasn't actually hit you over the head yet what this woman has done to you, when it does; you won't want to touch her with a ten foot pole; hit her with it maybe... It's unfortunate for you and the family because the bond you had but that's over now, and there's no need to keep that wound open either, for any of you.
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