fetacheese Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 My ex boyfriend finished our relationship recently (it was an amicable break up) and I agreed that it was the best decision. A few days later he then admitted to missing me, wanted to see me - I did not think this was a good idea and said so. We kept in touch by sms and phone for a couple of weeks. I now see that this was not the best thing to do. So, I thought to myself, in the meantime, that contact like this after a break up is not the right thing to do for the healing process. I told him recently that I did not want further contact - he has accepted this and has expressed his wish to be friends down the line. I cannot but help feel so guilty - on the one hand I am pleased that I have finally dealt with a relationship break quite well and been upfront about it (others have fizzled out or gone on far longer than they should have). I am afraid that I sounded cold/ without emotion when I let him know but felt this was the right thing to do. Why do I feel so guilty? I hope this will pass.............
marlena Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Hi fetacheese (good stuff by the way), Why would you feel guilty? He broke if off with you, right? If he changed his mind days later, he should have "dipped his tongue in his brain before speaking" as they say in my neck of the woods. If I were you, I'd be proud of myself for taking it so well.
Author fetacheese Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Good question?! I think it is maybe because I am out of my comfort zone on this break up. I tend to be a 'rescuer' in relationships and do not fulfill my own needs - I focus too much on the other person's. Time for me to change I think......... I love your saying by the by! ("dipped his tongue...") Made me chuckle Thanks for your final comment......I am partly proud of myself - just hope this guilt trip passes soon. I tend to wonder (and hope) that ex doesn't think ill of me and that I am being mean (it wasn't a bad break up by any means) but I feel as though I need space to get over things.
marlena Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 but I feel as though I need space to get over things. Just tell him so. If necessary, also tell him that a friend said that he should have dipped his tongue inside his brain before speaking out!!! Maybe he'll learn to think before acting. Seriously, stop feeling guilty. You did nothing wrong. Tell him you'll get back to him when you feel good and ready!
Author fetacheese Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Thanks so much Marlena - appreciate your comments I told him that I think it's best to not contact one another for the time being in order to be able to move on. He seemed to understand. I'm just afraid I came across as being a bit 'cold'.....
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