CaliGuy Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I think I gave her plenty of outs, which is why this one really shocked me. I asked her what time she took lunch, clear indication of where I was going, she gave me a time, and looked at me, and then I followed up with, 'we should grab lunch sometime, Im free X day' she agreed, and said give me a call or text me. So I called the night before to set up a place to meet, and she didnt call me back. So I decided in the morning to text, in case she was busy to see if she was still up for meeting, and no response to that either. Im litterally more confused with this girl than a lot of others, she was all 'nice to meet you', super happy to see me again, really seemed into talking...and now I dont know what to think, was it all BS? Add to that, Ive seen her twice in 3 days on the bus, I have to believe it will happen again...and now, its awkward. BCCA, maybe she is just insecure. That or just not interested. Her loss not yours. Either way, there are PLENTY of women out there to choose from. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and always keep your fishing line out there till you find one that you want to DATE (and vice versa). Just keep your willy in your pants while you're checking out the buffet. Next time you see her, just smile, say hi and keep walking. Act like you don't give two poops about her -- or that you even remember calling her
fallendisguise Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Honestly, I don't know what to make of her not replying to your text. Is it possible that she is just super friendly? That could explain her being chatty and excited to see you, but not continuing contact. I would not contact her again and see if she replies in a few days. Maybe she's listening to some girl friend of hers really bad "play hard to get" advice. It could be any number of things. If you don't hear from her in a few days then I would write it off. As for it being awkward when you see her... it will only be awkward if you let it be and you are undoubtedly going to see her again. When you do smile and say hi and leave it at that. If she strikes up a convo, no harm in going a long with it, but don't ask her out again. Ball is in her court.
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 So many variables, Im not going to worry about what happened. Obviously, she isnt interested, end of story. Im not going to avoid her or taking the bus at any specific time, so Ill deal with it the best I can. Truth be told, there are thousands of people around, some of them have to be single and interested. Im not going to ask her out again. Ill smile/wave, and answer any questions politely, but Im not going to A) be a sour puss and make it obvious that this upset me, or B) give her the chance to blow me off again by asking her out or otherwise implying that I want to see her again. For now, Im just going to assume she isnt interested in me that way, and carry on with life. No big loss here, Im sure Ill survive. I have no patience for any woman who says she cant find a nice guy anymore, though, most of them blow them off left and right
Citizen Drawn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Ok, I'm going to give an alternate viewpoint as simply state that your "level of interest" instinct is simply off. You are simply lacking the instinct to be able to tell a dud. This needs fixing. The first question I have for you is what is it that makes you think a woman is interested in you enough to go on a date? What signs?
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 What are your thoughts on online dating? I didnt like that it seemed to take a week to find out a girl didnt want to go out with you, and sending emails that werent responded to wasnt any better than not getting call backs, so Ive stuck with girls I can actually see in front of me. It's OK. More disappointing than anything. It's nice to have profile up and email some girls every few days, though. Nothing to lose, y'know? My biggest problem is that I absolutely can get laid, if thats all Im looking for, but as far as getting an actual date goes, I have no luck. I can get bar girls flocking all over me if I dont want more than a lay, but apparently, trying to take a girl out isnt what they are looking for? Buddy, I've lost all sympathy for ya. I can't get laid for sh*t; if you can, go do it and stop whining.
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Well, first thing I see is how interested they seem in talking to me, if they only answer the question I asked, or if they go on about other things, if they also ask me questions, how happy they look to be talking, if they look at me or if their eyes scan around, if their feet are pointed toward me or they touch their hair. I also notice their reaction to me asking for their number and if they would want to hang out sometime. If there is some hesitation, I tend to take that as a sign of low interest. When they are all over it, like this girl, I tend to see at least SOME interest. I may not be the best at reading people, but Im pretty darn good. Trust me, if I even thought there was a problem, I'd toss the number away. I only call people Im at least 60% sure are interested, but I could have some issues there. If you have any pointers, Id love to hear them.
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Buddy, I've lost all sympathy for ya. I can't get laid for sh*t; if you can, go do it and stop whining. Dude, imagine this though: IM the one feeling used! Its like the rest of my body is a breathing aparatus for my penis. They dont care about how I think, what I do, or what I have to offer, they want sex, and they are out. If I walk up to a girl like I want to take them home they are all over it, but when I try and be nice and see what they are about, they lose interest.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Sounds like a good problem to have. Maybe you should see if a relationship develops from one of these one-night-stands. I'm serious.
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Sounds like a good problem to have. Maybe you should see if a relationship develops from one of these one-night-stands. I'm serious. Some one else said that, and you know what happens? One of two things: 1. Girl is looking for more, but Im not. 2. Girl never wants to see me again, awkwardly leaves anytime she sees me (this has happened more than a dozen times, once with the girl litterally looking me in the eyes, and walking out of the bar)
Citizen Drawn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Well, first thing I see is how interested they seem in talking to me, if they only answer the question I asked, or if they go on about other things, if they also ask me questions, how happy they look to be talking, if they look at me or if their eyes scan around, if their feet are pointed toward me or they touch their hair. I also notice their reaction to me asking for their number and if they would want to hang out sometime. If there is some hesitation, I tend to take that as a sign of low interest. When they are all over it, like this girl, I tend to see at least SOME interest. I may not be the best at reading people, but Im pretty darn good. Trust me, if I even thought there was a problem, I'd toss the number away. I only call people Im at least 60% sure are interested, but I could have some issues there. If you have any pointers, Id love to hear them. LOL actually those aren't bad signs actually. I still think your instinct is off though, can you think about the times when you've had successes and distinguish them from the times it's not lead anywhere in terms of the signs that were there?
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Well, like I said, it's hard for me to sympathize. You must be a tall, good-looking, charismatic dude if women "flock" to you at the bar. I do not see what the problem is. Next time, pay more attention to the horny chicks who seem smart. IDK what to say. A lot of people would like to be in your position. I think you should continue to f*ck everything that moves, and be keenly aware of the hotties WITH brains. Cause it does happen. Rarely. But it happens.
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 LOL actually those aren't bad signs actually. I still think your instinct is off though, can you think about the times when you've had successes and distinguish them from the times it's not lead anywhere in terms of the signs that were there? Well, here is the issue with that: The last time I had 'success' is when I picked up my ex...about 5.5 years ago lol Since we broke up last August, Ive only gotten success after midnight at local bars, and only for the night lol
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Well' date=' like I said, it's hard for me to sympathize. You must be a tall, good-looking, charismatic dude if women "flock" to you at the bar. I do not see what the problem is. Next time, pay more attention to the horny chicks who seem smart. IDK what to say. A lot of people would like to be in your position. I think you should continue to f*ck everything that moves, and be keenly aware of the hotties WITH brains. Cause it does happen. Rarely. But it happens.[/quote'] Ill be honest, the girls at the bar - most of them are at the bottom of my 'attractiveness threshold' or very close. We are talking 6/7's here, not 10's. Most of them I might date if they had an amazing personality, but probably wont ever find out. I also know the guy who owns a bar that I go to all the time, and he makes me out to be a huge pimp, which helps.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Well, here is the issue with that: The last time I had 'success' is when I picked up my ex...about 5.5 years ago lol Since we broke up last August, Ive only gotten success after midnight at local bars, and only for the night lol Ah, difficult then. I mean, personally for me, it's all about the way someone looks at me but obviously it might be different for you in terms of what you're particularly good at picking up. Problem is you need a few successes first to be able to put your finger on it, so just keep trying until you get one and you'll be off and running
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Again, I don't see what there is to worry about. Girls like you. Don't sweat it. You'll be back on here next week telling us about some cutie you met, and I'll chime in again then. -JB
Soul Bear Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Hey BCCA- long time bro... What I usually do is txt....8 times out of 10, a day or two later with a 'remember me?' You can usually guage from their response the general direction and confidence...or their lack of reply Unfortunatly, we do live in a society now a days where people generaly txt more than call....impersonal and not so in your face....it scares me to think how we will communicate in 20 years time
Author BCCA Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Soul Bear, how are you my man? Im leaning toward the fact that I called instead of texted NOT being the issue. I really dont think if a girl was interested it would matter. She might be more apt to reply to a text, but that doesnt mean shell be more interested in dating me. What I need is a better filter to gauge interest, like someone mentioned. Either Im really gullable or I just dont notice things I should, but some of these girls strike me as emmy award winning actresses lol
dreamergrl Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 BCCA - I've been trying to think of something good I can offer to this. Here's all I could come up with.. Maybe you could try meeting girls a different way. There's been times that I've given my number, because being put on the spot, when I wasn't interested. It's horrible, but I've done it before. So maybe you could try meeting girls in a different setting. Or even online. Something! A singles group maybe?
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I really dont think if a girl was interested it would matter. This. If a girl likes you, it won't matter if you texted, called, emailed, etc. (Well, as long as you don't use more than one method - I had a girl add me on MS and FB as well as emailing me and giving me her number - needless to say, she came off as a stalker and I won't be calling her.) If a girl is into you - as long as you don't come on TOO strong - she will not care what method of communication you use. She'll simply be excited to talk to you, in any form.
Author BCCA Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 dreamergrl, Ive tried at bars, on the bus, singles groups on meetup.com, Match, grocery store, museum...you get the picture! I'm really so over online dating its not even funny, it was a complete waste of my money. If you have any other suggestions, I'd gladly take them into consideration, but I'm not just trying any one thing. Also, I have to ask, if you werent interested - I dont for the life of me see why you gave him your number, and Im guessing it was actually YOUR number, too. I dont get this, arent you going to have to deal with him calling or seeing him again? Is it just putting it off in hopes you never see him again? Sorry, this issue is really bothering me lately! haha
dreamergrl Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 dreamergrl, Ive tried at bars, on the bus, singles groups on meetup.com, Match, grocery store, museum...you get the picture! I'm really so over online dating its not even funny, it was a complete waste of my money. If you have any other suggestions, I'd gladly take them into consideration, but I'm not just trying any one thing. Also, I have to ask, if you werent interested - I dont for the life of me see why you gave him your number, and Im guessing it was actually YOUR number, too. I dont get this, arent you going to have to deal with him calling or seeing him again? Is it just putting it off in hopes you never see him again? Sorry, this issue is really bothering me lately! haha I wasn't expecting it, and didn't want to come off and say no. I know it was waaay wrong. That was more so when I was younger though. I've since then found my voice to say "No". But sometimes it's hard to reject someone, especially when you know how it feels to be rejected. Other times I'd be mildly interested - but as time I passed I lost that interest.
Author BCCA Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 So Im thinking your rational behind it is that youll probably/hopefully never see them again? Because just saying 'no' or that you have a bf makes things WAY less weird later. Also, you ARE rejecting them. Most guys would agree that giving me your number with no intention of answering my calls hurts far worse than just being told no or I have a bf.
dreamergrl Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 So Im thinking your rational behind it is that youll probably/hopefully never see them again? Because just saying 'no' or that you have a bf makes things WAY less weird later. That sums it up. But I've made a point not to give out my number unless interested now.
Peanut9330 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Well if I’m interested in a guy and he asks me for my number I give to him simple as that, if I’m not interested I wont give him my number I don’t want to lead anyone on or have to deal with ignoring that person later. No point in playing games, but I guess some people prefer to give out their number and just ignore the call.
dreamergrl Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 So Im thinking your rational behind it is that youll probably/hopefully never see them again? Because just saying 'no' or that you have a bf makes things WAY less weird later. Also, you ARE rejecting them. Most guys would agree that giving me your number with no intention of answering my calls hurts far worse than just being told no or I have a bf. I know this, but being younger it's harder to find that voice. No one wants to look at the rejection they are about to give. And it wasn't ALL the time I had no intention on not answering the call. Sometimes the call would be missed, other things would come up, and the interest fades. It's hard to continue an attraction from Monday to Friday when there wasn't much built up to begin with. I've been asked for my number plenty of times, and never got the call. It hurts just as much, trust me. But that's the dating world. There's not always going to be a reason for everything.
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