scoochamenz Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I just moved to a new city and in an effort to make new friends, have been using Craigslist to meet people. So far, only one friendship has panned out, even though it is very new. I did make one friend that I really liked and thought we connected, but she wrote me an email tonight giving me the heave-ho, albeit in a nice, respectful way. I respect her for having the balls to tell me why instead of just fading away, so I'm fine with it. The problem is what she told me - that she feels I am somewhat needy and she can't get a word in edgewise because I talk so much about myself and my own problems, she feels exhausted after spending time with me. I knew I have this tendency, but I didn't think it was really this bad so I'm very happy that she pointed this out to me so that I can work on it. I feel like I shouldn't try to make new friends until I have this worked out. The problem is I don't know how to do that. I can't afford therapy and it's lonely being somewhere new and not knowing anyone, so I don't know how to contain that loneliness when meeting someone new. I really feel confused about this and don't want to push people away. I'm a nice person with a great sense of what friendship is, but people don't stick around long enough to find that out and it has to be me pushing them away. Does anyone have experience or tips about how to cure this problem? I'm starting to feel like a narcissist and I don't want to be one of those! Thanks!
Mary3 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I think you are reacting under stress. Being lonely is stressfull and you find a date and pour your heart out. Only problem is , some girls have no heart . None to listen to you anyway. I have one friend who says she can't stand needy guys. I am more balanced about it. I figure he might be needy because he is pure lonely, maybe he had a lonely childhood. But to cut someone off because they are acting needy is cruel. The KEY here is : The neediness might be in the beginning when you feel lonely and confused. But later , when you see that person is growing close to you , CALM down and chill a bit. You have this persons interest. Now remember not to go on and on and on about your problems. Thats for your MOM or your teacher or your friend . NOT for your NEW date. Please , please remember that. You are out to make a first impression. Don't make it your last.
boogieboy Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Its very simple. New friends are with you because they feel you can offer them fun. So dont talk to them about your problems, no one wants to hear about your problems. They want you to be interested in them, so they can be interested in you. And when they are interested in you, they dont want to hear about your problems. They want to hear about happy things, they want to hear happy stories, they want to laugh. They want to be shown new places. No one likes a downer. Talking about your problems just makes you look to everyone like you feel sorry for yourself, and you want people to feel sorry for you. Thats not fun. Get it?
Recommended Posts