220ST Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Hi there... I've been dating a woman for about the last three years. She is the love of my life. Those of you that have "the one" know where I'm coming from. I still get that feeling in my stomach when I'm with her, or see her... just like day one! I dated going to school, etc., was married for 14 years, and never felt this way about someone. We are about an hour and a half from each other. When we first started dating, we saw each other about three times a week. We talk daily, send messages over the phone, etc. Always end a call with I love you. The problem that's really bothering me, and making me wonder... ? I see her maybe twice a month now. =( It's like it almost bothers her if I ask when are we going to get together to see each other or do something!?! Communication is important, and we've talked about this. It really bothers me, and this had been going on for at least five or six months. Sex was non-stop early on. Needless to say... that's not happening as well. I know the new is fun and exciting, but seeing her twice a month? I'm 44 to her 48, and she's having a hard time right now. The big change is going on with her. I love her, support her, try to help her with all of that. She just never brings up when we can see each other, and borderline gets ticked if I bring it up (it seems). I don't think she's cheating, but it sure seems one sided these days. I don't know what to do. It sucks, though! Help!! Thanks!
Devil Inside Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 If your gut is telling you something is off...it is. Twice a month is rough...I mean what's an hour and a half. Also sex is a good barometer of how the relationship is going...so if it's slowed way down...I would be worried. Time to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Ask her what is up. Tell her to be honest. Maybe she needs something more, or is having a hard time. I also get a hint of her detaching herself. Alot of people start doing this months before breaking up. Not trying to freak you out, but it is similar to what you describe..especially her seeming bothered by you asking when you can see her again. Good luck!
BobSacamento Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 3 years. Perhaps she sees this as going nowhere. Has she said anything about wanting something along the lines of a serious commitment? Like I know people who have been with each other for a long time, and maybe they aren't married but at least they are living together.
D-Lish Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I work with a woman going through "the change" at work... and let me tell you we all walk on egg shells around her. I didn't know her before- but other people tell me the difference in her is like night and day. She's happy and cool one moment, having a tantrum the next, then locked in her office in tears... She grabbed me at work one day and just started shaking my arm, so angry she was spitting when she yelled at me. It was truly about nothing... If this is menopause, it really could explain a lot about her behaviour. I hope she is seeing her doc- there is help if this is the problem.
Author 220ST Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Hi... We've talked about getting married. We aren't in a super big hurry, but that's the plan of attack. We have talked about where we plan to live or build a house after my kids are in college a few years down the road. Like every relationship... we've locked horns a few times, and she's the type that if she's not interested... I'm pretty sure she'd let me know. I really don't think she's interested in someone else, and if she's not at work... we're on the phone (or now... the rare event we're together). I guess there's always a way, but I just don't see it. Or... see why she'd be interested in hanging on, and just not move on (if something was going on). Thanks for the replies. I lurked on here for a bit, and there seems to be some good people on here.
Author 220ST Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 If this is menopause, it really could explain a lot about her behaviour. I hope she is seeing her doc- there is help if this is the problem. Big time. Yes, on the doc. I hate seeing her like this, and from what I've read... it just cuts the sex life down to nothing. She can't really take a hormone because she had breast cancer (going on 6th year clean). No sleep at all, always hot and sweating, or then cold. I've just been riding it out, and trying to support her. She's always tired, but she's not getting sleep from this. I was wondering if this is what's going on? If I should just ride it out? I've gone this long.
D-Lish Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Big time. Yes, on the doc. I hate seeing her like this, and from what I've read... it just cuts the sex life down to nothing. She can't really take a hormone because she had breast cancer (going on 6th year clean). No sleep at all, always hot and sweating, or then cold. I've just been riding it out, and trying to support her. She's always tired, but she's not getting sleep from this. I was wondering if this is what's going on? If I should just ride it out? I've gone this long. Hmm, yes, it could last for 10 years...!!! They can replace testosterone to help with sex drive- but I guess they can't if she's had cancer. You sound like a wonderful and supportive guy, she's lucky to have you.
Author 220ST Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Hmm, yes, it could last for 10 years...!!! They can replace testosterone to help with sex drive- but I guess they can't if she's had cancer. You sound like a wonderful and supportive guy, she's lucky to have you. That's very nice of you to say that. Thank you. Now... the 10 years!
D-Lish Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 That's very nice of you to say that. Thank you. Now... the 10 years! Lol, you're welcome. Hopefully her doc can help with an alternative plan of care. Menopause can suck the life out of a woman. I have compassion for the woman I work with- but she still scares me to death!:lmao:
Author 220ST Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Well... I have finally come to the conclusion that she's just not interested at all in seeing me, or being with me. Might not have been the smartest thing to do, but I don't like keeping secrets, and told her that I posted on here. I was just being honest, and can't really talk to her about it... or she gets ticked off She got all pissy, started dropping the F bomb left and right, and thought everybody was attacking her. When I was told that it was all about sex... I'm done with that. I'm not like that. So... left the ball in her court, and told her to think about what she wants. I told her to call me. You think I heard from her? Not... Everything was really one sided. You know what... That's fine. I wish her luck in finding someone that treats her as good and true as I did.
dreamergrl Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I remember when my mom went through the change... Yikes! Well you left it up to her. I'm not sure though, I'd have mentioned that you came here before having a good sit down with her. Communication is the key. I know it's got to be hard having it right now... with the big C... but she might have very well felt betrayed that the issues were displayed amongst strangers. I once dated a guy who knew I was on here (he knew before we when we were just friends), I had forgotten he knew, until I came on here looking for some advice. He went MIA. A year later he wanted to date again, so I though, sure I'll try it. Forgetting yet again (I'm slow sometimes ) then I got an email blasting me how I wasn't writing about him, and now I had something to write about Anyways... if you want it to work, I suggest a nice sit down chat. Keep in mind she's sensitive right now (which sounds weird with her dropping the f bombs) and she's going to react.
Thaddeus Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 You know, in a lot of situations in life women tend to have it much easier than men. They (generally) have their choice of partners, they get guys to buy them dinner and take them on trips, a smile and a wink at a police officer might get them out of a ticket (yes, this DOES happen... I personally know a couple of cops who have told me stories like that), stuff like that. True, there are some situations where they don't have it as good as men - buying a car, for instance, can be a real challenge for a woman sometimes - but when it comes to 'the change,' men win the genetic lottery hand's-down. Women get hot flashes and irritability and nausea and erratic emotions. Men get a red sportscar. Or a motorcycle. Or both. 220ST, your situation really sucks, especially because it's one of those things that's completely and utterly beyond your control. I sincerely hope you realize that; it's really got nothing to do with you, and everything to do with how she's managing her 'change.' I hope she and her doc can come up with some sort of plan, even if it's not hormone therapy, that can help ease this transition.
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