becky2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I am in love with a MM and he is in love with me, I know this sounds like the same old story but please hear me out. We have been best friends for 12 years and in the last year have had an affair. There has been very little sex over the last year so it is not about that, this is about our love for each other and how much we love being with each other. In the last 6 months we have decided to call it quits and move on several times but cannot seem to end it, I have told him from the beginning if he believes that his marriage can be saved that he should try and make it work he has said over and over that he does not want it to work, that it was over a long time ago, he wants out and wants to be with me. The guilt over leaving his 2 children (who are in middle school) is killing him. He did finally leave and after a week was a complete wreck with feelings of guilt. After many hours of talking I said you have no choice but to go back and make a true effort with your marriage, he will not be able to get on with life if he does not at least feel like he made an effort. So I have let him go. At this point I believe that he is going through the motions of counseling etc... to be able to end this showing he has done everything he could and to relieve his guilt. Is it possible for him to make his marriage work at this point? How can someone have such strong feelings for someone else and make it work? Did I do the right thing? Is it possible that he could still leave her? It was one of the hardest things I have done in my life and I did not want to say it but realized if he left because of me we did not have a chance. I really do Love him and I KNOW he really does love me.
carhill Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Perpetuation of the status quo is inherent in humans. A man with a long marriage and family has innumerable impetuses and pressures to maintain that status quo. That said, such marriages break up all the time. Plenty of my friends have dealt with it. IMO, the healthiest potential is for his marriage to succeed or fail on its own merits and failings, irrespective of outside influences such as yourself. So, accordingly, I agree that you did the right thing and encourage him to give his marriage his best effort. Your responsibility also is to be unavailable to him in moments of weakness or failure, for he has to own his choice and his responsibility. That's the other side of the status quo sword. He can't have it both ways. Best wishes
Author becky2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 Thanks for the reply, I am having a very hard time with this I really believe we were meant to be together....This is killing me I don't know how he can make it work when he is in love with someone else?
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