stepka Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 just another thought here: At my age (50), I'd rather deal with a divorced man than one who's never been married.
jb1173 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 AMEN! I am sick of being the rebound girlfriend for men that call it quits because they aren't over their ex-wives. Don't they realize there is a reason she is your EX-wife? I didn't hang on to the ghost of my ex-husband for months/years on end. And I certainly didn't enter the dating world until I was darn good and ready.
carhill Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 just another thought here: At my age (50), I'd rather deal with a divorced man than one who's never been married. Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. Further, someone who can articulate what they learned about themselves from a marriage, even if unsuccessful long-term. I met my wife online many years ago when online was new. I doubt I'll meet women that way this time around, so no worries for the OP with me
2sure Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Why not just put right into your profile that you are seeking a committed relationship and not interested in those previously married?? Most sites even have filters with these preferences as options.
jcindaville Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I dont think there needs to be 2 years before a man should date after his divorce. Hell i dont think he should wait 2 months, if he is ready then he is ready. I dont understand women who say they are looking for long term relationships on match and they are still active members 8 months from the first time i saw them, they are clearly trolling looking for super man. I guarantee you that i am recently divorce and i have an immense amount to offer a lady, so dont paint all of us men into the same corner. I dont need 2 years or 2 months to know that i want to be with the right woman for the rest of my life. I just have to find that woman, and unfortunately match and the rest of those sites are were the women are at.
jcindaville Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Online dating is just really not my cup of tea either. The women who wink or e-mail me I am just not interested in. I did go on a date with one of them. But the attraction was not there, but I was out 40 bucks. Never felt good with dutch. Anyways, as one of the others put it. The ones that are interested in you are not the ones you are interested in. And the ones you are interested in are not interested in you. Sorry about the bad experiences, but I assure you, its the same, if not worse on the mens side. I'm very close in ditching online dating. It is really an ego killer and self-esteem destroyer. Wow bro, couldnt have said it better myself, ego and self esteem destroyer. You aint kidding! I never bark up a tree of a woman i dont think i at least should have a shot with and dude i have been rejected more than a guy with a 300 credit score trying to get a credit card. I mean i will try and communicate with a marginally attractive woman with 2, 3 kids, in my age group, hell sometimes 4-5 years older than me. And i get no response, none, not even a polite no thanks. I never claimed to be Joe stud, but i also dont consider myself to be ugly. Online dating has not produced for me, and i am just about on my last leg with it
sunshinegirl Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I dont understand women who say they are looking for long term relationships on match and they are still active members 8 months from the first time i saw them, they are clearly trolling looking for super man. I fall into this category but would hardly call what I was doing "trolling". In a year of on-off using match, I didn't meet a single man who was compatible and looking for the same thing I am. I kept putting my profile back out there in hopes of finally finding that kind of man, but each time it ended with things not working out. Just sayin - be careful with your stereotypes.
Vet Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Wow bro, couldnt have said it better myself, ego and self esteem destroyer. You aint kidding! I never bark up a tree of a woman i dont think i at least should have a shot with and dude i have been rejected more than a guy with a 300 credit score trying to get a credit card. I mean i will try and communicate with a marginally attractive woman with 2, 3 kids, in my age group, hell sometimes 4-5 years older than me. And i get no response, none, not even a polite no thanks. I never claimed to be Joe stud, but i also dont consider myself to be ugly. Online dating has not produced for me, and i am just about on my last leg with it If you're using that picture in your avatar, that might be one reason. When you send women pictures of yourself in various stages of undress, it sends clear signals: that you're vain, that you want something physical quickly, but most importantly, you don't understand predefined social cues.
jcindaville Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 If you're using that picture in your avatar, that might be one reason. When you send women pictures of yourself in various stages of undress, it sends clear signals: that you're vain, that you want something physical quickly, but most importantly, you don't understand predefined social cues. Didnt have any luck with or without a shirt. Thanks for the lesson though, point taken and i am not vain. So i guess it is ok for the woman to have shirts that clearly show off there cleavage??? So that means that all of them want sex and want it quickly??
jcindaville Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I fall into this category but would hardly call what I was doing "trolling". In a year of on-off using match, I didn't meet a single man who was compatible and looking for the same thing I am. I kept putting my profile back out there in hopes of finally finding that kind of man, but each time it ended with things not working out. Just sayin - be careful with your stereotypes. There are women I am sure that have been there a while that are not trolling, no doubt. But I do think a certain % of men and women use match just looking for action. JMO
Teslacoil Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I'll put my hand up in favor of lying when doing the online dating thing. I started dating a few months after my ex and I decided to get a divorce. At that point we'd already been separated for months, and I was very much ready to "move on". Waiting for the ink to be dry on the divorce papers is silly. Waiting for yourself to be emotionally ready is important. Anyways, I'll fully admit when I put my profile online, I wrote in single, never married. Why? Because I was a 20-something guy who was separated. If you read that in a profile, it really wouldn't matter what else I wrote. No one would have bothered with me. I'd be writing my own dating epitaph. Any women I went out with that went beyond date #1 (which is always just something casual like meeting for coffee or lunch / dinner to see if there's any real chemistry) I'd tell them the truth. If they decided to go for date #2, they knew what they were getting into. I explained this to several women, and they admitted that they wouldn't have bothered talking to me, and several of them went out with me multiple times. Two of them said that they really liked me, but they were too nervous about dating someone who was separated, which was totally fine with me. Not all divorced guys are out there on online dating sites "Trolling for women". I certainly wasn't. I'd been alone for months and wanted to try and meet someone special.
SummerLady Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I am so irritated by all the divorced men who post their profiles on match.com! If you don't want a serious relationship, then why are you trolling for women with an online dating website?! First of all, I am single and not married. If all I was looking for, was casual dating or new friendships, I'd get more involved in the community through volunteer work (which I already do). I joined online dating to meet men to date, towards a serious relationship. The divorced men who contact me on match.com, write in their profiles that they're seeking a lifelong partner, but then in several email exchanges, when I ask them what they're looking for, most have said they just want to form new connections with women and see if anything develops. First there was my ex (recently divorced, no children), and now there is this one guy who is divorced with 3 children, who has contacted me via email, just to complain about his financial woes and his need to make casual connections with women but not get into a serious relationship b/c he can't afford to, and because he's not emotionally ready. So why is he wasting my time?! Why do divorced men (or women for that matter) think dating is going to solve their problems? He's better off getting weekly therapy in my opinion. He clearly said to me in his emails that he doesn't have a lot of money, and his time is spent with his 3 children, and that he's not looking for a serious relationship right now. He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend whom I met on match.com, who (as I clearly complain about from previous posts here) was nowhere near emotionally available or ready to be dating women after his recent divorce. If you're not emotionally stable enough to date, then don't join an online dating service, because its not fair to us women who are emotionally ready and seeking men to be in a relationship with. Online dating is really stressful. I hear your frustration but I met my boyfriend on match, we were both divorced and hit it off. There are serious men on here. Please give it another chance. You will see.
MN randomguy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 If you're using that picture in your avatar, that might be one reason. When you send women pictures of yourself in various stages of undress, it sends clear signals: that you're vain, that you want something physical quickly, but most importantly, you don't understand predefined social cues. Didnt have any luck with or without a shirt. Thanks for the lesson though, point taken and i am not vain. So i guess it is ok for the woman to have shirts that clearly show off there cleavage??? So that means that all of them want sex and want it quickly?? Haha, You two brng up a good point with online or dating anywhere. Reality doesn't matter! That's right. Nobody is going to look at your profile, or see you across a crowded room and understand who you are deep down. Ladies, If you want guys to take you seriously, not shots of your t!ts almost falling out of your dress dunk in a club. Yes you get attention from guys when you're like that. Yes they say beautiful things to you. No they don't want to marry you and pay off your mastercard. Guys, She's reading the profile If it looks like Glenn Quagmire, if it sounds like Glenn Quagmire, if it doesn't know the difference between Their and They're... It is Glenn Quagmire.
MN randomguy Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Example Just logged into match. Just got a "Wink" from a girl who has a shadowy picture of her and describes herself as "full-figured" A Previous poster complained about this. The really attractive girls get bombarded with all sorts of emails. They don't go out to contact anyone. Just like real life. Don't let that get you down.
RedDevil66 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 divored peeps need love too ;-) The majority (not all) of people who have just come out a divorce have never lived alone or discovered who they are so they think their happiness will come in the form of meeting other people. Newly divorced men are unlikely to go to therapy but need it so will look for someone to talk to that is not a therapist.
ItsOnlyMe Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Because most divorced men I've met, are clearly rushing into dating when they should spend their time in therapy, to heal from their divorce. I think if you are divorced, you should not date anyone for a few years until you get comfortable being who you are again. I absolutely agree that one should be comfortable with who they are before they begin dating...whether after a break-up or just in general. I'm not sure I understand why a divorced man (or woman, for that matter) should go into therapy and "not date anyone for a few years," though. The process of divorce or separation is different for everyone. We all have different values, different morals, and different states of mental and emotional health. It's all very subjective. You don't want to date a guy who's separated or just wants to meet new people or have a "casual" relationship? Don't. You have options. The choices are yours. Trying to change the status quo is going about things completely back-asswards, in my opionion. If one type of profile on a dating site doesn't suit you, avoid it. If one dating site doesn't suit you, avoid that, too. There are a lot of options out there.
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