lastout_82 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 If you dont know my story check for seperation tips.. Update.. Found out sat that she was still having the EA with the same guy. Gut told me, and found it in her phone. but it dont matter now. Here is what im going to pull and let me know if its legit. Selling/pawning our wedding rings, taking money getting uhal and a storage building. putting all my stuff in and leaving note for her that she has to be out of that place in 2-3 weeks. my name is comming off the lease and if she cant find anywere to go call and i will come get the kids and their things. Glad it worked out this way. things would of never been the same between us anyway. its taken me a few days to get over the despair but i learned alot about myself in those weeks. im happy for the decisions i made and wouldnt go back and change a thing about nothing. Will be getting a lawyer very soon to discuss my options. Very pleased that i found that and even asked her if she is still talking to him and she said no. thats what turned me off the most is the lies continued. so F it. F her.
seibert253 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Act like everything is normal, then BAM. Have her served with D papers and give her the oh, by the way, you need to find someplace to live speech. Oh man you've got balls the size of mountains. Impressed. It sucks, but I'm impressed. Seriously, How you doing?
mark982 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 i think everythings justified,only difference is this time it's a man doing it instead of a woman. i did that when my i caught me ex f-ing around,plus i burned every stitch of clothes she owned.
phineas Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Sounds like my wife & her PA. She moved out when I caught her. Now i'm divorcing her because after she moved out she told me she was done with him & wanted to work it out with me. She wasn't. I'd talk to the lawyer before you move out just to make sure it won't affect custody in the future. It's an apartment instead of a home but the judge might not care.
LisaUk Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 So pleased to see you have seen the light. Those two little boys of yours are your priority now. How are you doing though?
Author lastout_82 Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Yea im going to pawn the rings take the money move my **** out and move on. Actually Lisa im doing alot alot better. took a few weeks but im up on my feet again emotionaly, there comes times when i think about the things i read and seen how she was acting but i know im better than that now. Just good to me to know i will always strive to be better than her. and one day i will fight to have full custody of my boys. i want her to have them now just being daycare times and its easier for them to be with her than me due to my situation. but my head is way up and i feel alot better about ****. Funny she said she doesnt want us to hate each other or anything but i cant really stand her now. maby that will go away in time but if it dont than thats ok.
Author lastout_82 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 well been away for over a month almost two. But i keep finding myself back at the same point. wanting to work on things. most of the time i dont say nothing about it. sometimes i burp out something and see what she says. before i was so ready to get it overwith and i keep falling back. i sobbed today over it for the first time in weeks. i know to leave her alone and make it look like everything is ok. i just get filled up on emotions, goes, happy, anger, confusion, to sadness in a day. Should i say something? i asked her about us yesterday and i knew that was a mistake after it left my lips. really i dont know what to say to her, so i guess i say nothing. dont know what to do either. someone help me or give me some tips or something.
Auroracoladybug Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 hey lastout...I know what you mean, J hasn't helped me with the baby at all and is trying to tell me that the courts are going to force so many overnights etc...that he could be vindictive...then he acts like well I want this to be amicable and civil (yet text me that my asking for help with the bills and saying that he is partially responsible only proves he was just a paycheck to me...FU)...he wants to go to mediation so I asked yesterday if he was going to make an appointment with a mediator and he responded "well you have to sign those papers (d papers)" I know better...I cant find a lawyer yet and I know I have to get the papers in...I asked him if he had any feelings for me yesterday his response "I care in so much that you are my baby's mother" that was just like what you did...I got the answer though...I now have my wedding band on my other hand (I will wear it until the divorce is final), it is a reminder to me that I have done everything I can for him and I will honor my marriage until it is over but without the love and respect returned..IMO we are not married already... for all the good fathers out there...
Author lastout_82 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 my problem is, ill feel fine, then ill want to talk to her. like the other day she asked me when i would bring the kids home. i said i dont know yet. then shen tried to spark up somemore conversations and i told her i dont want to talk to you right now. and a few text later i found myself talking again about "us" and its not what i wanted to do. somedays i can forget about her and somedays i want to reach out. i want to do the 180 thing but everytime i call to talk to the kids i find myself talking to her about things not related to our problems. i dont know what to do. finding it very hard to look away. i feel i wnt to work on it then i think of the things she lied about and did and it makes me not want to. then i do. then i dont. just hard for me now.
Auroracoladybug Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Don't beat yourself up about the small talk...you are in the same boat as me with the kids. It is really hard when we love them and want to make things right with us on top of having kids with that person. Get yourself a defined schedule with the kids as much as possible and then you can avoid the unecessary chit chat (I have to do that too)...You will always have some chit chat to be civil and the kids need to know that you can communicate...just tell her give you time...if it involves the kids great otherwise show no great interest.
Author lastout_82 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 its like this, i get them on weekends friday at 7pm, take them back sun about 5pm or so. sat is the 1 year birthday party, she asked what i was going to do. i said i would be there ofcoarse. Alot of the problems are with me between us. Some with her. Mine is i havent heald a steady job in a few months and the one i had was ****ty. Now i dont work anywere and im staying at my moms, currently have many apps in the wind and going to temp agencys. i relized what i have done to us but we always stayed afloat. just barely at times. The problems with her is that other man. before she asked me to leave many times, i didnt want to i didnt think it was my place to leave. she was talking to him i wasnt. then one day i stood my ground and said no im not leaveing again. i have been gone 3 weeks prior. she said if she had too she is filing seperation papers, didnt want that so i left. i dont know what else to say if you want details i can tell.
Auroracoladybug Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 well atleast you show more interest in your kids then others...you can't control her decisions (the other man), just do the best you can for you and the kids...my DH did the same thing if i wasn't doing what he wanted me to at the time he would hold separation or divorce over my head...I have quickley reached the spot of I don't want this treatment and I will move on from this. Yes I still want my family and my husband but not like this...a good friend of mine said it takes two for all of this to come...Yes you know that a lot of the problems are with you...what problems are with her...someone on here mentioned to write down all of the things that were not working (things she did and didn't do, pet peeves, irritating habits) with her especially...some things can be changed some not so much...the point if she does come around and want you back BOTH OF YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CONCERTED EFFORT FOR THE OTHER...THIS DOESN'T WORK ONE WAY! I say that because I know if my DH would have come back to me I would have let him walk all over me and nobody deserves that...
Author lastout_82 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I have to pretend like she fell off the face of the earth, i know that, its so hard though. even a coucler i went to told me that. said " Pretend like she isnt alive, only focus on you and kids. Dont talk about any problems between you. Try not to even talk to her at all. Then when you meet certian "checkpoints" keep up the goals. She will always notice what youre doing no matter how small or big it is. Even if she is not around." then he told me if she wants to work it out she will, but will i want to work it out then. who knows. i was told that in june, its now august and i have done that maby a total of 2 weeks, i just keep finding myself wanting to work on it. have to stop now. The problems with her, lieing, mistrust, when i found out about other guy i could catch her in so many lies and deceat. if there is one thing i hate, its a liar. I have my own goals, if she notices good, if she dont oh well. i will always have my kids thats all that really matters to me right now.
Auroracoladybug Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You deserve better lastout...and I think you are getting there...this rollercoaster sucks but atleast you have some support
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