john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 So here goes why do our ex's feel the need to rub salt in the wounds by posting compromising pictures soon after a break up with themselves and other males/females, new boyfriend/girlfriends on Bebo, Facebook or Myspace when they know fine well we are looking at the pages? Is it out of sheer spite? or have they really moved on that quickly? Surely some respect and tact around the recent ex is required?
steelfist9 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I don't understand the psychology behind it. My ex does the same thing to me at work. Why do they rub it in our faces?
Exit Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 It's your choice to be looking at it. Stop looking. I did the same thing. Now not only do I have the pain of being broken up with her, I can see her new BFs face in my mind every time I am feeling bad. Do yourself a favor and stop looking. It doesn't matter why they do it, maybe it is to rub it in, or maybe they really did just move on. But no, they don't really owe you anything, they shouldn't have to censor their lives just because you are choosing to spy on it. I know it is hard, but you gotta stop looking.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 I have never posted these kinds of pictures and I wouldn't because I have more respect for people. I do believe these people are immature they thrive on drama whereas I can't be bothered with it.
Palmer253 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 It's sad but I believe it to be true that people (most) feel good when they know someone is hurt because they miss them. By posting a picture or statement on one of those sites that they know you will look at it and be upset with it makes them feel better about themself. I've had ex's do it to me, and I've even done it to a few ex's myself. It's absolutely childish and pathetic. Like you all know though relationships make you do some stupid sh*t. I know every time I've done something like that I've always eventually regretted doing it, and one time I even made a point to apologize to the girl I was doing it to.
Darren09 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 This happened to me i was checking Facebook like a stalker!!! i wanted to investigate the real reason to why my ex left. Only i went further than my ex's home page. i started looking up guys that my ex knows. And there it was a picture of them two kissing close up. That exact moment i discovered that picture on facebook was the lowest point in my life to date. I wish facebook was never invented its ****ing crap anyway! its my fault for looking but nobody should find out like that. I just ended up blocking my ex on these networks so i dont have any updates. And that picture never leaves my mind the thought she with another guy and not me. argghhhh makes me sick
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 This happened to me i was checking Facebook like a stalker!!! i wanted to investigate the real reason to why my ex left. Only i went further than my ex's home page. i started looking up guys that my ex knows. And there it was a picture of them two kissing close up. That exact moment i discovered that picture on facebook was the lowest point in my life to date. I wish facebook was never invented its ****ing crap anyway! its my fault for looking but nobody should find out like that. I just ended up blocking my ex on these networks so i dont have any updates. And that picture never leaves my mind the thought she with another guy and not me. argghhhh makes me sick My opinion is if you were genuinely in love you wouldn't broadcast it across these sad sites it's almost to show the world and prove to them you're in love, why bother if you actually are?
Darren09 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 My opinion is if you were genuinely in love you wouldn't broadcast it across these sad sites it's almost to show the world and prove to them you're in love, why bother if you actually are? Yeah i think it was done to drive me away even more so i would leave them to it if you get me? It just made me feel worthless and miserable. Still does.
adamt Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Maybe the ex has moved on. probably ready to move on before the relationship had ended. What you need to do is block them from facebook..etc made a massive difference to me. If you know nothing about them then your imagination cant run wild
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 On sites like that it is like a movie screen that is meant to be seen and looked at. They KNOW you are going to look at their page and they want you to believe that they have moved on. Maybe they truly did maybe they truly didn't and its all for show but what you can count on is that 95% of the time they are doing it on purpose. Its all again about control. Think about it...here you are in pain and agony and your ex knows it she knows what make you tick so she is going to do these things for a reaction out of you because she feels like she is in total control and has you by your nut sack. When people have a sense of power they are going to keep doing things to maintain that. This includes manipulation, deception, causing someone to be jealous, being cold and distant, and pretending like you don't exist. Every species on earth practically has it in their make up to be the top dog...the alpha male or the alpha female. The one most dominate...the one in control of the subordinates...is the leader. And they maintain that dominance by showing it out off any way they can. Regardless of what happened in the relationship and regardless of what they said to you that is all out the window when you are split. Blocking them outright is immature and is proving that you cannot deal with the idea of them with someone else. You are basically letting them win by doing this and it can confirm their thoughts even more that they were right about leaving you because it is showing WEAKNESS. If you leave them on your friends list and you do not react to ANYTHING they put up on there then YOU have control by not reacting and not letting them stick it to you. Again I know this from experience. Best thing is to not go to their page gather up some will power, bury them in your list of friends, and just leave it be. And remember this one...Whoever cares the least in a relationship is the one who is in control of it. This can also be true to when you break up. The one who cares the most is the one who is hurting and does NOT have control.
borbiusle Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Blocking them outright is immature and is proving that you cannot deal with the idea of them with someone else. You are basically letting them win by doing this and it can confirm their thoughts even more that they were right about leaving you because it is showing WEAKNESS. I've tried that in the past, to just let the pain sink in and do it's thing the same way you bust out reps at the gym, it doesn't work for me. I find I have to block myself from my Ex's page or I go back into stage 1 of our breakup, absolute rage and disbelief. I get very crafty, smart, and sinister and my imagination runs wild as to how to get back at this person. The things I come up with are so detailed, precise, and foolproof it scares me.(I've never actually executed my plans FYI except once in college, I usually take a week to chillax, always works). I'd rather just let the memory of them fade away to the point where I don't care anymore, instead of reliving the breakup and the aftermath over and over and over. My mind is my own worst enemy when it comes to breakups, even alcohol can't numb me out to it.
tigressA Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I agree wholeheartedly with Exit--if you don't want to see the stuff, quit looking or just block them! Like he said, they don't owe you anything because they're not with you anymore. When I broke up with my ex not too long ago I blocked his email address, got his numbers out of my phone, and blocked him on Facebook solely to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the first place, on either side.
broken_promises Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 After the last time I looked a few weeks ago, I have been vigilant about staying away from looking. It hurts WAY more and it has made it that much worse for me. I wish I NEVER knew about the new girl he was talking to, because she is actually the only thing that I am having trouble getting past in the breakup. So, yeah... it hurts way more to know and have the visuals running through your head. I think the reason for people to post pics like that are varied and depends on the circumstances of the breakup. For me, although I haven't done so, I have entertained the idea as a way of making my ex see that he didn't break me and hurt him as much as he hurt me. I think other people might need to post new pics to prove to themselves or their friends that they are happy and moving on (even if it just a facade right now... the fake it til you make it kind of thing.) For others, it might be a reaction to feeling free and being able to do whatever they want without worrying about what their ex might say about it now. They might not be doing it to piss you off, so to speak, but as a reaction against being in a relationship? Anyway - stop looking. It only serves to add more pain on top of pain.
moo Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Blocking them outright is immature and is proving that you cannot deal with the idea of them with someone else. You are basically letting them win by doing this and it can confirm their thoughts even more that they were right about leaving you because it is showing WEAKNESS. . I disagree. I dont' think blocking is immature. I think blocking saves pain. Shows weakness? I think it shows we are human and we hurt and we are trying to get through this mess the best way we can. If someone wants to leave because we show weakness, f**K them. Having weaknesses is part of being human.
hoping2heal Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 So here goes why do our ex's feel the need to rub salt in the wounds by posting compromising pictures soon after a break up with themselves and other males/females, new boyfriend/girlfriends on Bebo, Facebook or Myspace when they know fine well we are looking at the pages? Is it out of sheer spite? or have they really moved on that quickly? Surely some respect and tact around the recent ex is required? Because, as you said; they know damn well you are looking.
NightLord1 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I did say in another post that deleting them or blocking them is the best alternative if you can't with hold the temptation to go looking at their page. My point with my response in here was because if you do delete them then you don't have much self control. If you have no intentions of ever wanting to talk to an ex again then ya go right ahead and delete from your page. In my opinion i will not bow down or let someone beat me by getting my emotions in turmoil over a stupid social site. So you know what? they stay on my friends list and I just don't go to their page. I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction of me deleting them because then that would be just too easy for them. It works both ways...if your looking on their page they are going to look on yours too. I sure as hell wouldn't want them to miss out on my exciting life without them now would i? Sure everyone has moments of weakness and they are entitled but people have to build strength from that weakness so that they do not have to endure as badly in the future if or when things like this happen again.
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