Jersey Shortie Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 What was the biggest issue within yuor relationship with your SO that you had to learn to work out or over come? And were you able to work it out or does it still persist to be a problem in your relationship or perhaps it caused you to break up?
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 With my first wife, she was ALWAYS, ALWAYS late. She could never be on time for anything, and it took her AGES to do her hair, makeup, clothes and all the rest. I managed it as best I could. At first, I'd let her know that we were running behind which would usually be answered by something like, "Just one more minute, I just have to finish building the Panama Canal, bring peace to the Middle East and send some men to the moon. Just gimme a sec!" Eventually I learned to simply tell her that we were expected somewhere 30 minutes before we actually were expected, then we'd only be about 15-30 minutes late rather than an hour or more.
HappyAgain Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Being emotionally abused, being used, being lied to about wanting children until it became too late to have any, being stolen from by the one who "loved" you, being cheated on, and much much more. I'm not over it yet and am still seeking therapy for it all. I haven't gotten into a serious relationship since ending this one because I know that I still have baggage and want to remain single until I've worked it all out.
Lauriebell82 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 With my ex boyfriend it was his constant lies and deception. Finally after putting up with it for 2 1/2 years I got enough courage to finally dump him. Best thing I ever did in my life. My current relationship, we had a few minor issues, they are worked out. The biggest was probably over finances, mainly "who pays for what." I was in college for a long time and broke off my butt and he seemed to think I was trying to be a mooch. We did have a real great talk at some point and worked everything out. We never fought about the issue ever again. I do believe hard issues in relationships can be worked out to a certain extent. (depending on what it is). Lying, cheating, abuse, that is a different story. But "relationship issues" that come up can be worked out if both couples are willing to do so. I think a couple is compatible if they can work out differences.
AlektraClementine Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 My fiance's "harmless" flirting with other women. For the last 15 years, his job has taken him all over the world (he's a tour manager for bands) and he's met a lot of people. Insignificant, but nonetheless, a lot of people. This is a close-knit community and they all keep in touch. Some of the "keeping in touch" crossed some of my lines. I overlooked a lot of it until eventually I exploded and was suspicious of EVERYTHING he did. He always chalked it up to friendship. Never insisted I get over it or anything. Was always quick to try and sooth my vulnerabilities, but the problem was that the behavior continued. He did something that ruined my trust in him as well. Seeing as how we really are in love, it was more important to fix the issue than to break up. He kept insisting that he would do anything to regain my trust. I finally drafted a long email entitled "Handbook to Rebuilding Trust: A Quick Tutorial". It included what I find acceptable and what I find not acceptable. What I would work to accept and what I would never accept. What I expected from him behaviorally with regard to female friendships (i.e. if you're going to be in touch, I need to know about them, your history, your purpose for staying in touch). If it was a female friend with whom he had no other connection with other than flirtation, she was a friend no more. I told him "thems my rules. take 'em or lose me". It's been resolved ever since. p.s. my part of the bargain was that I would try to ask more questions and make less accusations.
anne1707 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Different temperaments. I will lose my temper very quickly and will be very emotional but in turn calm down very quickly and be able to put things behind us (though typical woman, only after a "talk" ). He is slow to lose his temper but when he does, he will sulk (or as I now refer to it after "Men are from Mars...", go into his cave). However we have both changed over the years. I am much calmer and will also recognise when he needs to be left alone and in turn he also makes an effort to make the peace sooner and stop being so distant.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I will lose my temper very quickly and will be very emotional but in turn calm down very quickly and be able to put things behind us (though typical woman, only after a "talk" ). ... However we have both changed over the years. I am much calmer and will also recognise when he needs to be left alone and in turn he also makes an effort to make the peace sooner and stop being so distant. My ex had (prob. still has) a terrible temper. Anne1707, I am glad you have worked on this aspect of yourself. There are few things worse than walking on eggshells around one's SO b/c of fear of their outbursts. Please continue to keep an eye on this, for your BF's sake... and good job on working on it.
tigressA Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I wore the pants. All the time. My ex was pathetically nice, and it seems he never really knew how to make decisions. I always had to decide on where we were going to go, what we were going to do. He offered little to nothing in the way of compromise or challenge. I encouraged him to make choices for us but then he would always say, "It's my choice to have you make those choices"--what a copout! Even in the bedroom--he would always ask before doing something, like oral, or switching positions. I always told him I'd like him to be more assertive and to "just do it" more instead of always asking me, but he never could rise to the occasion. Sex went from good, to mediocre, and then finally crash-landed at intolerable--I'd have to stop after just a couple of minutes because I felt so grossed out. It didn't help that he's 2 inches shorter than me and outweighs me by only 15 pounds--I started seeing him as a weak little boy instead of a man and I couldn't shake it.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Tigress, wow. Not all of us are like that.
tigressA Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Tigress, wow. Not all of us are like that. I know. I have faith that I'll find a real man eventually.
Woggle Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I had to stop letting my experiences with other women cloud the way I looked at my wife. I have been somewhat successful at it but sometimes I do need to go somewhere after work to cool off after listening to the office misandrist all day brag about mistreating men.
Quinch Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 One of the biggest issues I had with an ex girlfriend was that she desperately wanted children - right now!!! - while I wanted to wait at least a few years to enjoy just being together before children spoiled the peace. I got the impression that she was only interested in me for what she could get out of me (as it were) and then she would lose all interest in me at all. In the end I began to feel that she didn't consider me as an equal partner - just a means to an end so I had to end it there.
anne1707 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 My ex had (prob. still has) a terrible temper. Anne1707' date=' I am glad you have worked on this aspect of yourself. There are few things worse than walking on eggshells around one's SO b/c of fear of their outbursts. Please continue to keep an eye on this, for your BF's sake... and good job on working on it. [/quote'] You almost make it sound as if I'm a Psycho on the loose! A bad temper yes but I don't think my H would agree that living with me has ever required walking on eggshells. Apart from that, he has too much self respect to do that.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 My ex had (prob. still has) a terrible temper. Anne1707, I am glad you have worked on this aspect of yourself. There are few things worse than walking on eggshells around one's SO b/c of fear of their outbursts. Please continue to keep an eye on this, for your BF's sake... and good job on working on it. Sounds like her guy needed to work on himself too. For her sake as well. Lets at least be fair. I had to stop letting my experiences with other women cloud the way I looked at my wife. I have been somewhat successful at it but sometimes I do need to go somewhere after work to cool off after listening to the office misandrist all day brag about mistreating men. We do that here every day at 4 while eating crumpets and tea. We make the men kneel on their hands and knees so we have somewhere to put our tea cups.
Saxis Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 The majority of problems stemmed from hobbies/free time and finances. For some reason I keep getting into relationships in which the women rely on me for their sole source of entertainment. Women who normally led fairly extroverted and random lives, while I'm the opposite. Something in them seems to change. I like my routine, it keeps me sane. Bowling on Tuesdays, meet with friends on Sunday, it's simple. Sure, life doesn't always work into a perfect routine; games get canceled, people get busy. That doesn't bother me. When it gets to the point of "You didn't go last week and it didn't kill you!" and "I guess I'll just sit on the couch tonight, alone..." that becomes a problem. I had my hobbies before we were together, I have them now, I'll have them after. It's what I enjoy doing! It's not that I enjoy them MORE than being with a partner. I've never, in any way, held a partner back from doing something they enjoy, and on many occasions, have given up my planned time to join and appease them. I guess it just turned into them EXPECTING me to give it up for them. Please, for the love of Beer, don't f**king guilt trip me with that BS, or my next response might be, "You lived without me an evening or two each week before, it won't kill you! So you can sit your *ss on the couch all night loathing or you can find something to do. I'm not going to take it on my shoulders to make sure you're entertained every f**king second!".
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 You almost make it sound as if I'm a Psycho on the loose! Nope, I just know that a bad temper will drive a guy away like a flock of... something. Good on ya for recognizing one of your hot buttons.
anne1707 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Nope, I just know that a bad temper will drive a guy away like a flock of... something. . I agree. But I was not losing it every day, or every week or even every month. It was just that when I did lose my temper, it could be quite full on. But now I never lose my temper the way I used to. And that is partly because of the efforts my husband has made in our relationship because he has recognised how his actions (or inactions) did not always help the situation. It goes both ways here.
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