john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Do you believe we only miss our ex's if we are dumped and we want to regain the upper hand? Do we just want them back to mess them around like they did to us? Is it because we haven't met someone we like ourselves yet? or none of those reasons?
steelfist9 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I think a lot of it may have to do with that. You usually feel worse when you feel like you don't have your own fate in your own hands. When you are dumped, you feel like your ex is not grieving, no longer loves you..etc. I think I would feel a lot better if I were the one who dumped her. I'm not so sure if I want her back. I just miss the good times that we had and think that it's unfortunate that we didn't work out because we were so close and had so much love for each other.
silic0ntoad Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 It all depends. I don't believe that things happen, at all. I believe things are made and are unmade. Nothing happens for a reason, it is made or unmade for a reason, regardless of how you or I feel about it. I am a prideful person. It hurt my ego when she left. But you know, it's not so bad now. Getting the "one up" on them is to find someone that lasts forever, that loves and cherishes you for who you are- and you love them for who they are, not who you want them to be or not be. So, in all reality, it's the dumpees that have the last laugh. And he who laughs last laughs the longest.
steelfist9 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I wish she would come back cause I want to screw her over so bad right now. I'm pissed as hell looking at her myspace and hearing her calling him at work. I'm extremely pissed. I have to keep my cool at work but feel like I can blow.
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I wish she would come back cause I want to screw her over so bad right now. I'm pissed as hell looking at her myspace and hearing her calling him at work. I'm extremely pissed. I have to keep my cool at work but feel like I can blow. Steel...man you should know better then to myspace stalk. Don't kill yourself and keep shooting yourself in the foot over this. You have to be strong and not go to her page! This won't help you in the long run to forget and move on. I know its hard but its something that must be done if you want to heal.
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Do you believe we only miss our ex's if we are dumped and we want to regain the upper hand? Do we just want them back to mess them around like they did to us? Is it because we haven't met someone we like ourselves yet? or none of those reasons? We all want what we can't have. If we had something that we came to appreciate and love and then it is yanked away from us we will miss it like crazy and want it back like there is no tomorrow. It is human nature. Another part of it is no one likes rejection and when an ex dumps someone they are rejecting you and that hurts and will hurt a lot. Here you are thinking you are with someone who won't reject you because you are with them and boom they suddenly drop you like a bad habit. When you are the dumpee you will normally not have anyone else lined up or to go to. The dumper almost always does and it diverts their emotions and thoughts away from the person they dumped and this will typically make it easier for the dumper to go about their days without missing whoever it is they left.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 I wish she would come back cause I want to screw her over so bad right now. I'm pissed as hell looking at her myspace and hearing her calling him at work. I'm extremely pissed. I have to keep my cool at work but feel like I can blow. Steelman you seem like a good dude- we feel your pain, the holiday pics on facebook kill me too but you know you need to stay away from those sights, we are all going through the same pain we can heal together youre stronger than you think.
Exit Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I think a lot of these factors do play into it. I don't think I want my ex back, but my ego is just bruised that she actually was able to walk away from me, and shortly after find someone else to care about. I know if I had feelings for someone new already, I wouldn't care as much. I think it is healthy and intelligent to be able to realize these things about yourself, to know what is really feeding your emotions. You don't miss them as much as you think you do.
silic0ntoad Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I agree, Exit. But you also have to remember alot of these friends that pop up at the end of a relationship simply end up being rebounds- at least, in my experience, every single girl I've been in a relationship with has had someone lined up- and all of them ended up the same way, with a bad break up. Thus why I specifically try to not get involved with anyone after a break up for a few months or so. I don't want to hurt them, and I don't want to carry baggage into the next relationship. It's been 2 months for me, now I know I am ready to move on. She is the one who lost in this deal, which is fine with me. A bruised ego always leads to these feelings. But sometimes, you have to tell your heart to STFU and use logic.
llala Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Why is it that so many rebound relationships end up going bad? 2 of my closest friends are currently in new relationships days after breaking up with their boyfriends of years. 1 of them is dating her lifelong best friend. Both of them keep telling me how they are feeling a feeling of overwhelming joy every time they are with them, and never think of their exes. But according to statistics, these relationships are doomed to fail soon. Why?
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Why is it that so many rebound relationships end up going bad? 2 of my closest friends are currently in new relationships days after breaking up with their boyfriends of years. 1 of them is dating her lifelong best friend. Both of them keep telling me how they are feeling a feeling of overwhelming joy every time they are with them, and never think of their exes. But according to statistics, these relationships are doomed to fail soon. Why? Some people go against the rule and are lucky I guess
silic0ntoad Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Why is it that so many rebound relationships end up going bad? 2 of my closest friends are currently in new relationships days after breaking up with their boyfriends of years. 1 of them is dating her lifelong best friend. Both of them keep telling me how they are feeling a feeling of overwhelming joy every time they are with them, and never think of their exes. But according to statistics, these relationships are doomed to fail soon. Why? Well, honestly, most of the time they fail due to one of two things: In the US 40% of relationships are founded through infidelity. 40%! How can a relationship founded on such an insidious thing ever truly last? Secondly, most of the time, the person who rebounds is simply doing it to avoid being lonely, and nurture the heartache they feel from dumping someone- mainly to cure loneliness. So, once that fades, or the other person screws up, it's see ya, off to find what I really want. When people are weak and vulnerable they settle- and when someone is looking for a cure to lonliness whena relationship ends, they settle, and eventually outgrow the rebound. Just my two cents.
Trialbyfire Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Do you believe we only miss our ex's if we are dumped and we want to regain the upper hand? Do we just want them back to mess them around like they did to us? Is it because we haven't met someone we like ourselves yet? or none of those reasons? Yes, I believe there's a strong element of pride/ego and self-esteem, associated to break up. While I'd hate to believe that people would deliberately get their exes back, to mess with them, I think some are like this.
HappyAgain Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 In my case, yes this is true. I want them back just to laugh in their face for even thinking that I would consider reuniting. But, this was an abusive relationship that left me deeply scarred and I don't think it's the norm.
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