AugustLane Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I really have a crush on a man who comes into my retail store every week. He is 42. I am 32- not a problem, except I look to be 22-24 (yay me!). I know he thinks I am way younger than I am- plus I work with a bunch of college boys- so it would make sense to an outsider that I would be their age. I know this man thinks I am cute. We have chatted a few times and have some common interests. I would like to get to know him better. How do I go about this without asking him out? Should I casually reference my age next time we chat to see if that changes anything? Any tips?
Citizen Drawn Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Sounds like you're in a pickle, hopefully someone will give you some advice
CaliGuy Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I really have a crush on a man who comes into my retail store every week. He is 42. I am 32- not a problem, except I look to be 22-24 (yay me!). I know he thinks I am way younger than I am- plus I work with a bunch of college boys- so it would make sense to an outsider that I would be their age. I know this man thinks I am cute. We have chatted a few times and have some common interests. I would like to get to know him better. How do I go about this without asking him out? Should I casually reference my age next time we chat to see if that changes anything? Any tips? If you think it's necessary. At 32 you should be plenty mature enough and him being 42 is not a problem. Age is simply a state of mine. Mention it to him if he's apprehensive. You could be in my position (40) and look 10-12 years younger than you are so that all the women interested in you are MUCH older (arg, 50s!) or MUCH younger (early 20s).
Vet Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I really have a crush on a man who comes into my retail store every week. He is 42. I am 32- not a problem, except I look to be 22-24 (yay me!). I know he thinks I am way younger than I am- plus I work with a bunch of college boys- so it would make sense to an outsider that I would be their age. I know this man thinks I am cute. We have chatted a few times and have some common interests. I would like to get to know him better. How do I go about this without asking him out? Should I casually reference my age next time we chat to see if that changes anything? Any tips? He comes into your shop every week, I assume you help him out every time he comes in, right? Do you know if he's even single and looking? If you do, help him out next week, flirt a bit, and show your interest. If he's interested in you, he'll respond in kind. If you're worried about him thinking you're younger than you are, drop some cultural references from before these other kids' generation.
single ape Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 man.. no love for this question.. and it was a good one.. so I answered it.. http://www.singleape.com/?p=811
bac Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 that is great that you are younger. he would like that. did not you know that men like younger women?
Author AugustLane Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 OMG Single Ape that was a great post! Really funny and some good tips! But I have to tell you... This guy would never be caught dead in Abercrombie (I laughed out loud at that one!)! I work in a local Chocolate/ candy shop. He comes in and only ever buys enough for himself. I have never seen him come in with anyone.
carhill Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 OP, how would you flirt with a man your own age? There ya go Short of asking him out, the rest is up to him. Give him a couple of openings, then move on.
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 if your black tell him the best chocolate in that store is "hot chocolate"..when he asks where it is say "right here." There you go....if not, you can say white chocolate or dulce de lecha as an alternate...good luck..lol
Author AugustLane Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 I do flirt and he reciprocates... but we can only interact briefly because it is a pretty busy shop. I got out of a relationship 3 months ago, so even though I have seen this guy for a long time now, I only took notice recently. I know he has picked up on my new found interest over the last month- but he only comes in once a week. I am so darn impatient. I just wish I could bump in to him outside of my job so I would actually have some time to chat with him.
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 life is too short August, we are in the age of "independant women"...haven't you heard Destiny child's song? If you make a move on HIM and it gets rejected, then you are in a business, you did it, you may feel awkward, but you'll get over it. If you look 20 years younger then him he probably won't make a move. I had a girl cut my hair that I felt I had a lot in common with, but she was at least 17 years younger then me and I never made a move.....if you feel it just do it and don't think about the consequences. If he says he's with someone...so WHAT....there are other men...don't feel it's inappropriate or talk yourself out of it...do it...this could be the man of your dreams.
Author AugustLane Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 He could... but this is also my place of employment... I can't just go asking a guy out at work. I have customers to help and silly 20 year old boys watching me like a hawk if ever I talk to a guy (my co workers). Plus, I could get in trouble. Should I reach out to him online? Or would that be creepystalkerish?
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 August, all this "creepishness" stuff is really ridiculous.....if you read into all that crap then most women think every guy is Charles Manson....it's really proposterous to be honest. As far as you go you sound like you aren't that confident. You say it's your place of employment and you're worried about 20 year olds "hawking" you and that it would be inappropriate to ask him out at your place of work, YET you FLIRT with him regularly IN YOUR PLACE OF WORK. Think about what you're saying here. One thing about me is I don't give a rat's ass what "someone else" thinks. It's like some fool that cuts you off and you want to chase down on the highway...LET IT GO...you'll never see them again...if you race up to them that may be your last move you ever make with a AK unleashed on you......don't worry about those jokers you work with who you will probably never see the rest of your LIFE after you leave your job. If you still can't muster the courage to meet for DRINKS OR COFFEE then ask him his email address...tell him you want to send him something humorous...you can send him anything silly but then you can make your move as well.
Author AugustLane Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 I meant me being the creepystalkerish one.... I have his email- I found it online. See what I mean? creepystalkerish No, I suppose I am not that confident. I mean I am- but not when it comes to men. I dated the same man for 11 years then dated the last guy for like 9 months (who turned out to be an abusive a**). I see a lot of worth in myself, I just don't know that others are able to see what I see... if that makes any sense.
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 August, wow that is a long time to date a guy especially starting out in your early 20's...sorry things didn't work out. Even though you have his email (don't let him know that) just ask him for it during casual conversation...tell him you want to send him something humorous. You can gauge a lot by how he responds or even if he gives it to you. If he is hesitant or reluctant then you know "without" actually asking him out that you may want to just hold off and see if he makes a move down the line. I assume he WILL give you his email, considering the conversations and flirtation that you two have had. Then when he does it won't be so "creeperish" to email him. See how that goes and then let us know. Good luck.
Author AugustLane Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Thank you for the advice! I will let you all know what happens. ....now impatient me will have to sit back & wait for him to come back in to the store...
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Thank you for the advice! I will let you all know what happens. ....now impatient me will have to sit back & wait for him to come back in to the store... anytime, and he'll be in the store before you can ring up your next transaction...just be prepared.
Thornton Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I'm 29 but often pass for being a bit younger; my bf is 39. So I don't think the age difference between you and this guy is an issue, but the perceived age difference might be. My bf said if he'd met me in a bar he'd never have asked me out because he'd have assumed I was too young for him. Maybe this guy thinks you're too young for him to date? You need to weasel your age into the conversation somehow so he knows you're not as young as you look. If you like this guy and you have stuff in common, why can't you just ask him out? Perhaps mention a great movie you'd like to see, and say "Hey, if you'd like to see it too then maybe we could go together? I could give you my phone number and you could let me know?" Of course, you should also ask yourself why he hasn't asked you out? Presumably if he liked you he would have done so... Still, I think your best course of action is just to bite the bullet and ask him out, at least then you'll know if he's interested.
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Of course, you should also ask yourself why he hasn't asked you out? Presumably WTF? You just said with your own words that your own bf acknowledged he would NOT of asked you out if he met you at a bar because of your vast age difference...now you're saying this guy would of "presumbly" asked her out.....no way....the same reason your BF wouldn't of asked you out in a bar is the same reason I didn't ask the girl at the barber shop out even though she was pretty and we had some great laughs...b/c she appeared really young. I think she should do exactly as stated, I think it will work out for her..it sounds like the guy does like her but is reluctant (as your BF AND I) for a younger women due to her age.
Thornton Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I have also had the opposite happen, unfortunately. When I was 28 a guy aged 30 asked me out because he thought I was about 20 and he liked younger girls - the relationship didn't last very long after he found out my real age, lol If the apparent age difference is why this guy hasn't asked her out, fair enough. I was just surmising that there could be other reasons too, such as he could be married or gay.
trahn Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I was just surmising that there could be other reasons too, such as he could be married or gay. Or he could of had his nuggies nibbled off by rats or his pecker chopped off on a visit to Singapore....all the "what ifs" are irrelevant. The facts are the facts and the worst case scenario is that things don't work out as great for her as she would hope. I think they will but by doing nothing it guarantees a solid likelihood that nothing will move forward.
lucy9216 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I would not suggest using the email if you found it online and he didn't give it to you, that would be a little creepy. But does he have a facebook or myspace? send him a message on there! That would not come off as weird because it is easier to locate someone on these sites rather than searching for a personal email address.
dressing up Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 that is great that you are younger. he would like that. did not you know that men like younger women? No kidding. I look young for my age too. When a guy asked me how old I was and I made him guess (he guessed 10 years younger than the actual). When I told him my actual age, he was shocked but liked that I wasn't some young, immature kid but that I looked younger than my age.
Author AugustLane Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Would it be strange if next time he came in and we were doing our brief chatting if I asked him his age? I actually thought he was my age or maybe a couple years older before I found out his real age. Or is it as rude to ask a man's age as it is a woman's? I figure that would make it really easy to let him know how old I am too.
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