john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Been thinking about Karma alot recently, used to go out with a girl when I was a teenager and I could tell she was probably more into me than I was with her, we used to often talk marriage until I started going out more and more with my friends and seeing what was out there plus I was getting closer and closer to cheating on my then girlfriend until I eventually dumped her over the phone, although it was cowardly I did feel a sense of relief. She used to contact me several times after we had broken up and I would always respond with answers that would never encourage her and although what I did was wrong maybe I did not ever want to lead her on so I guess in some way I must have cared but I did always think maybe I could do better. Then a few years down the line I met a new girl although this time it was me that was besoted with her (I felt like I was maybe punching above my weight this time) until she finally cruelly dumped me as she used to lead me on afterwards which obviously makes things worth. I have a few questions from this story; Is this me getting my just desserts? Are you always going to lose out in a relationship when you believe you are second best, maybe you become to clingy because of it? Should I apologise to my first girlfriend for the way I dumped her as I often think about it, or is that crazy talk after all these years?
northstar1 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Been thinking about Karma alot recently, used to go out with a girl when I was a teenager and I could tell she was probably more into me than I was with her, we used to often talk marriage until I started going out more and more with my friends and seeing what was out there plus I was getting closer and closer to cheating on my then girlfriend until I eventually dumped her over the phone, although it was cowardly I did feel a sense of relief. She used to contact me several times after we had broken up and I would always respond with answers that would never encourage her and although what I did was wrong maybe I did not ever want to lead her on so I guess in some way I must have cared but I did always think maybe I could do better. Then a few years down the line I met a new girl although this time it was me that was besoted with her (I felt like I was maybe punching above my weight this time) until she finally cruelly dumped me as she used to lead me on afterwards which obviously makes things worth. I have a few questions from this story; Is this me getting my just desserts? Are you always going to lose out in a relationship when you believe you are second best, maybe you become to clingy because of it? Should I apologise to my first girlfriend for the way I dumped her as I often think about it, or is that crazy talk after all these years? I don't beleive in Karma per say, or any other cosmic powered fate, but it's generally believable that if you go around taking advantage of people or treating them poorly, it will eventually catch up to you.
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 You can apologize to your first GF if you think it will make you feel better, but don't delude yourself into thinking there's some sort of universal score-card at work. Does that mean that if things are going poorly for a time, the 'universe' (or whatever) owes you happiness? It's nonsense.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 You can apologize to your first GF if you think it will make you feel better, but don't delude yourself into thinking there's some sort of universal score-card at work. Does that mean that if things are going poorly for a time, the 'universe' (or whatever) owes you happiness? It's nonsense. Might do more harm than good, I'm really not sure, I'm always weary of her thinking what the hell does he want after all this time?
Soul Bear Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 have you watched 'my name is earl'? start from season 1.
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Might do more harm than good, I'm really not sure, I'm always weary of her thinking what the hell does he want after all this time?Good point. Some years ago I tracked down one of my old girlfriends whom I left in a rather dismal way and bought her lunch (oddly enough, she accepted, which was a bit of a surprise). Over our meal I expressed my regret at having ended it in such a bad way. She took it with grace and good humour and said that she hadn't really given it much thought but it was nice to hear me apologize. We met only once after that, again for a brief lunch date where we just chatted about general stuff. (She's happily married with a cluster of kids and, besides, I had no designs on her anyway.) Did it make me feel better? Well, yes, sort of. Got something off my chest that had been bugging me for a long time. Did it make her feel better? Not really, no. She just never gave me much of a second thought after we split. And that's fair. How long has it been since you and she split?
WTRanger Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Karma is what you make of it. Just like any other spiritual mumbo-jumbo. Does that mean you should treat people like garbage because you can get away with it? No, as someone said, it will catch up with you. Somehow, someway. But in the end, you are going to treat people right because you want to and that's who you are. Not because there is some guy with a robe and a white beard with a checklist and a bad attitude and he's waiting for you to cock things up. However, wishing that an ex or anyone else gets the bad karma that is coming their way because you are such a good person and they totally screwed you over, etc, etc, is also asking for bad karma yourself. Convincing yourself that you are this great person and hoping that someone else's life goes to shambles. Well, that's not making you a great person now is it? Pride goes before a fall.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Good point. Some years ago I tracked down one of my old girlfriends whom I left in a rather dismal way and bought her lunch (oddly enough, she accepted, which was a bit of a surprise). Over our meal I expressed my regret at having ended it in such a bad way. She took it with grace and good humour and said that she hadn't really given it much thought but it was nice to hear me apologize. We met only once after that, again for a brief lunch date where we just chatted about general stuff. (She's happily married with a cluster of kids and, besides, I had no designs on her anyway.) Did it make me feel better? Well, yes, sort of. Got something off my chest that had been bugging me for a long time. Did it make her feel better? Not really, no. She just never gave me much of a second thought after we split. And that's fair. How long has it been since you and she split? Must be over 2 years I think. That's a good story actually but I guess not many work out that way, kind of makes me feel there might not be any point to doing it now, might be nice to catch up right enough. My mum met her not that long ago and she was saying she's moved in with her boyfriend, they spoke for ages-my mum always liked her alot more than the last one.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Karma is what you make of it. Just like any other spiritual mumbo-jumbo. Does that mean you should treat people like garbage because you can get away with it? No, as someone said, it will catch up with you. Somehow, someway. But in the end, you are going to treat people right because you want to and that's who you are. Not because there is some guy with a robe and a white beard with a checklist and a bad attitude and he's waiting for you to cock things up. However, wishing that an ex or anyone else gets the bad karma that is coming their way because you are such a good person and they totally screwed you over, etc, etc, is also asking for bad karma yourself. Convincing yourself that you are this great person and hoping that someone else's life goes to shambles. Well, that's not making you a great person now is it? I think you're probably right but I must admit I'd be lying if I didn't wish something just a little bit bad happened to her haha, which probably does mean I'm not the greatest person in the world.
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Well, if you do choose to meet her to catch up, do so without any expectations. That's difficult, I know, but it's also very important.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 have you watched 'my name is earl'? start from season 1. Great show my man
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 What about my other question though people? Are you always going to lose out in a relationship when you believe you are second best, maybe you become to clingy because of it?
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Clingyness is to be avoided at all costs. It reeks of weakness. And no thoughtful woman will date a weak man.
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Clingyness is to be avoided at all costs. It reeks of weakness. And no thoughtful woman will date a weak man. Great shout
llala Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 my mother taught me a great life lesson. If you live your life happily, and dont wish anything bad on anyone (dont have any vengence in your heart), then things will balance out in your favor. Especially in relationships. People talk, trust me. Seeing you happy, seeing you kind and lovable, will get back to your ex and made them feel like crap (though you cant WANT them to feel that way )
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 my mother taught me a great life lesson. If you live your life happily, and dont wish anything bad on anyone (dont have any vengence in your heart), then things will balance out in your favor. Especially in relationships. People talk, trust me. Seeing you happy, seeing you kind and lovable, will get back to your ex and made them feel like crap (though you cant WANT them to feel that way ) That is good advice, no point being bitter
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