thinking of leaving my wife (out of options)

[FishInTheSea]

thanks for all the support this is my first thread and first night on the site. i have read many helpfull pieces of advice but found mostly men left by women and i am a man thinking of leaving my woman

 

backround

im 25 she's 27

married 2+ years together for 6

she was in school when i met her finished 6 yrs ago but just started working (outside of trained profession)

i have a good job she works for extra spending money

4 yr old daughter

been buying a house for 3 yrs now together

we have nice cars boat motorcycle (we both ride on it)

NO DEBT no worries of any kind that i know of

no past affairs (that i know of)

nothing that is out of the ordinary marriage i can think of

 

and by the way i did not marry her because of our daughter though i'm wondering if that was her reasoning now

 

here's the kicker.... i think and 1 or 2 of HER doc's now have diagnosed her with sever social anxiety. she has tried several types of meds now, but won't seek therapy. i have encouraged her to go as much as i think i can, but she won't even keep me in the loop about what's going on with her medically, or emotionally for that matter. she was a great woman to me before we got married, but i now believe it was because she was masking her anxiety, she hides it with a pretty smile and that's pretty convincing everything is ok. maybe now that we are married and she is getting comfy with me she is showing what goes on inside her head all the time. but she is taking out too much on me now and i feel put down all the time, like i'm being used and abused. she took our $3000 tax return and moved it to a private acct. she talks of divorce when we fight but tells me later she was just upset. i have even left after she said to get out on more occasions than i can count but she always calls and begs me back, or more like tries to share blame with me and agree to work it out. i am tired of leaving and coming back i am tired of being put down and treated like dirt cause she has anxiety to take out on me. she has called the cops on me because i was leaving and told them i was stealing the car and i had to take a different car because the cops showed up and vehicle was in her name, they wouldn't let me leave in MY OWN CAR. she even went one time so far as to actually acuse me in front of my family who knows better that i was molesting my own daughter. most of my family at that point told me to leave. because even the suspition of that can have your child taken from BOTH of us for furthur investigation, and what a poor choice on her part to involve our daughter like that. she actually has been dragging her in any way she can lately because it's a sore spot for me. she is normally a good mother but a poor choice on her part.(i can't forgive what she does and says to my daughter esp. about me) i know she says and does these things out of desperation, but there is no excuse for the things she has done to me. yet somehow i always comfort her when we try to work things out. so now here i am only giving you all a glimpse of what she has done to me, and i am the one comforting her all the time. no one is here to comfort me though. who can i go to with my problems? i try to talk to her about anything remotely important or emotional and she freaks on me or fights with me. she has even punched me and became physical first so i had to restrain her attack and run for it. i have never been physical with her and even since then, i've learned how to keep her from becoming physical by walking away before it gets to that point. once she is started the only thing i can do is avoid it. we can't even go on a weekend trip though anymore without a huge blowout fight or a long drawn out miserable weekend of putdowns. my things are packed and i was not supposed to come home today. at work though all i could think about is how wrong it would be of me to leave. would it be wrong of me to leave though? i read the abandonment advice from other threads and i'm glad i came home tonight, but i'm still lost as i don't want to divorce. how would i set up a trial seperation. has ANYONE been through anything even remotely like my situation? i can't do anything for myself anymore, and everything i do is for her and my daughter now. i have tried to tell her what she is doing to me and a few times i thought i was getting through to her but nothing changes. and here's another kicker..... she still talks to an X and an old friend of hers and BOTH of which i asked her specifically on many ocasions to NOT see or contact because it makes me uncofortable when she's with them. her friend even came over when i was here and confessed his love to her, as i walked outside he is telling her "i was telling my mom just a few days ago that i knew you were the ONE that got away" and he even had the nerve to say it right in front of me. (he's not been back since) but they still frequently talk and go do things, she also says his parents are like her parents to her. it's just too much for me when i add it all up together. she acuses me of meeting and being with other women but i come home everynight and am here everyday when she gets home. when do i cheat? and it's not like she just suspects it because i hide dtuff from her. it's quite the oposite actually i have caught her up in quite a few lies over mostly small stuff but it makes me wonder.

 

if anyone has anything to say please type it in. i am desperate to get the woman i married back. and i'm losing my patience and good tempur from waiting so long. happy to provide any details left out or unclear. THANKS

[Ronni_W]

Hugs, Fish.

That does sound like quite an unhappy situation for all involved.

 

Have you considered meeting with her doctor to express your concerns and paint a broader picture of her behaviours? Possibly her meds need to be adjusted or changed. As well, does she have family members that you could ask to help encourage her to get the proper mental health care that she needs and deserves? Talk therapy most likely will be helpful for her -- meds alone usually isn't enough.

 

It also sounds as if YOU can use some support and help with how to cope when she starts acting up, and the best way to protect your daughter from all the stress and adults' bullcrap. Perhaps a therapist/counselor of your own is called for, there.

 

You say that "there is no excuse for the things she has done" but of course her mental state is the likely reason. Perhaps you can ask her doctor, or do some research, to find out more about her specific condition(s) and that will give you some insight into what's going on for her as well as what's the best way for you to support her while ensuring your own (and your daughter's) mental and emotional well-being.

 

It is difficult living with someone who is suffering from mental-emotional issues, but I'm not sure that you've yet explored ALL avenues to try to effectively help and support her. Esp. as far as getting professional input.

 

After you've done that, it may still be that you have to leave in order to save your own sanity. But you'll be able to do that knowing in your heart that you left no stone unturned.

 

Wishing all of you the best.

[mark982]

fish, why you're putting up w/ all that crap is beyond me.she got some serious problems. but i can tell you(if) when you leave she'll make your life i living hell. she'll accuse you of all kind of things to the authorities. i'd cover my azz before you leave.