Cora Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I need some advice here. A few days ago I went onto this one website out of pure curiosity. This guy emails me saying he would like to get to know me better and telling me a bit about himself. He asked for my messenger info and gave me his as well. He also asked for my number, but I did not feel comfortable giving him that much info yet. We got to talking on messenger, getting to know each other etc.. He seems very nice. At one point the convo ventured off into sex. I said WHOA wait a second. Just to be upfront with you if you are just looking for a good time/sex etc.. then you can keep on looking because I'm not that girl. He apologized and said no that he really wanted to get to know me. He later asked me for my number again. I told him sorry, but I don't give my number out to just anyone and I didn't feel comfortable with giving him my number yet. Maybe I'm a little too uptight I dunno. Anyway he says no problem, but I'm gonna go ahead and give you mine just in case. He said he was tired and was going to bed, but that he would like it if I continued talking to him over text until he fell asleep or if not send him a text the next day. I say what the hell and I sent him a text. He sent me one back and then I end it with one last one. The next day I was busy cleaning the house and didn't have my phone on me. When I finally check it I see I had two missed texts from him. The first saying good morning hot stuff. The second an hour later saying wake up sleepy head. I didn't get back to him until almost five hours later and I explained what had happened. We continued talking throughout the day through text and then later tonight on messenger. I don't have the best cell service where I live so a lot of his texts were delayed. I would send him one and then get like five back from him. Aparently he loves to text! He just recently moved here from Chicago so he is new to the area and looking for new friends, people to hang out with etc. His father lives in NC and he has been helping his dad around the house and building this deck. He has been driving back and forth between NC and here, SC every so often. He is driving back into town tomorrow morning and wants to meet me. He wants to take me to dinner and he suggested maybe going to the beach. He also said to give him a call tomorrow morning when I wake up so that we could talk while he is driving back. We said good night on messenger and then not even a minute later I get a text from him saying I miss you already. I text him back saying good night get some rest. I don't know, I guess I just feel like things are moving kind of fast. I have never met a guy who texts this much either. He seems very clingy and if I don't text him back right away he sends like five texts wondering what happened? Even after I explained to him about my terrible cell service. Is this normal? Does he seem a bit odd to you guys? Other than this he is a completely sweet guy, or at least he seems to be. I'm not even sure if I am ready to meet him or not. Do you all think it's too soon? Everything just seems to be moving so fast and some things about him make me wonder. He is also a bit cocky. I have only known him for a few days, we haven't met up in person yet and I already feel like I need a break from him. I guarantee if I don't call him tomorrow he will be calling me. Now I don't want to just not give him a chance if something good could possibly come out of this. Should I agree to meet him? I honestly don't know what to do. I have never been this indecisive. Does he seem to be out for only one thing or could he be a genuinly nice guy? Ughh I'm so screwed up that I can't even tell a good guy from a bad guy anymore! I told him also that if he thought he was getting some IF we meet then he is sadly mistaken because I will not make that mistake again. Maybe I was a little too blunt? I just wanted to make things clear. He said he understood and that he genuinly just wanted to get to know me and that he really likes me. Sigh.....what should I do?
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Ummm. He sounds shady. Yes on the clingy. What do you mean by cocky? If the guy is clingy AND cocky, I'm going to say he's got major self-esteem issues. One or the other would be bad enough for the confidence department. But both sounds like a blowout.
Author Cora Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Ummm. He sounds shady. Yes on the clingy. What do you mean by cocky? If the guy is clingy AND cocky, I'm going to say he's got major self-esteem issues. One or the other would be bad enough for the confidence department. But both sounds like a blowout. What I mean by cocky is he will say things like oh by the way I'm one of the best kissers. Maybe even the best you have ever had. Then he will brag about how well he can cook. He is supposedly going to Atlanta later this month to interview for Food Network. He is constantly talking about that as well. He is 28 years old and he told me he had been married once, got divorced a year later and are great friends today. He said he still talks to her everyday. He then told me about a relationship he had after his ex wife. WTF? Why is he telling me all this stuff? Then there is the clingy crap. The more I think about it the more I can't believe this shyt. He is a great looking guy and very sweet. But I don't know if I can get over this other stuff. I figured what would it hurt to at least meet the guy even if there is nothing romantic there. I just don't know though.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Yeesh. The danger in meeting up with him is creating hope in his mind and giving birth to a stalker. Your call. People that are good at things generally don't brag about them out of the blue.
Author Cora Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 You are right! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy for thinking this way. When I first started talking to him he seemed pretty normal and harmless, but each day after he just got weirder and weirder. I dunno, damn I sure know how to attract the odd ones!
xpaperxcutx Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 A guy who starts talking about sex will only want one thing from you: S-E-X. It doesn't matter if he tells you he wants to get to know you, you already know what his intentions are in wanting to know you. I once give a guy my # and he would text me nonstop about wanting to meet up, etc. Needless to say, I knew his intentions, and I just ignored him. Do you really want to meet a guy who's cocky and tells you that he's a good kisser? Guys like that are perverted in general, and only wants to get in your pants.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 You are right! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy for thinking this way. When I first started talking to him he seemed pretty normal and harmless, but each day after he just got weirder and weirder. I dunno, damn I sure know how to attract the odd ones! Actually Cora, if you continuously try to meet men online, then yes, you will come across more odd ones than prince charming. Was the site legitimate? Even the legitimate ones won't guarantee you the man of your dreams.
Author Cora Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 The thing is this wasn't even a dating site and I wasn't looking for guys. I checked this site out because I was curious after being told about it. This guy emails me out of nowhere. I said what the hell, he seemed nice enough. That is until a few days in when he became weird and just plain clingy!
mammax3 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I think he sounds shady too. A concern for me (if I imagine what it may be like in his head) is that you said you didn't want to give him your number, and yet you still started texting him (not a judgement, just sayin') and you've said you don't want to engage physically ... he may think you mean No to that as you meant No to the phone calls. Likely he's fine, but if there are red flags and your perception that he's high maintenance, then I'd try to extricate myself as simply as possible. It's tough to gauge a person from a few days of online chatting.
boogieboy Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Youre indecisive and feeling funny for a reason. Red flags. Dont meet him until you REALLY want to. If hes smothering you, tell him so straight up , so that he can back off. If he stops entirely, then you know he wasnt serious about you. If its mving too fast for you, and youre not feelin it yet, dont meet him. Hes not going anywhere, he can wait until youre confortable.
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 go with your gut.. it never lets you down and you never say later.. damn I wish I hadn't listened to my gut... I think you already know what your guy is saying.. From what I read he has some trouble with boundaries.. so look out for that one.
Devil Inside Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 If you already feel smothered imagine what will happen when you meet him. I agree with the guys above, trust your gut. Unless you want to go meet him...don't!
curiousnycgirl Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I agree with everyone else - always go with your gut. Having said that I have done a lot of dating off web sites, and strongly urge people NOT to spend a lot of time texting, im'ing, etc before meeting in real time. When you don't actually meet in person - you end up building an impression of the other person that they can never possibly live up to. I believe it is best to meet fairly quickly at a safe, public place. That does not mean you need to give out your phone number! You can take his - in the US all you need to do is hit #67 before dialing and your # is blocked. I do believe in taking these percautions (I've been stalked) - but still urge everyone to meet quickly and progress accordingly. However in this case you were not on a dating site, so frankly I just think it's creepy (depending on what type of site it was of course). Good luck
KS882 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I was just going to say the same as Devil Inside, if you're feeling like he's been clingy now what would happen if you did get together? It would probably be a whole lot worse then. I'd say not to bother to be honest. I met a guy like this once. We weren't really anything other than friends. But we'd meet up and walk around the shops, maybe go for coffee and things. Was all nice at first but then he'd ring and text constantly. Even when I'd tell him I was doing something and couldn't reply he'd ring and ring then get all stroppy when I couldn't answer. Made him well aware we weren't anything other than friends, he wasn't my type. But it just got strange! He'd have messages on Facebook and MSN about me and would go on and on about me coming to his house when his brother's were out. Red flags when guys do these kinda things! You might be right, he might just be a nice guy but to be honest if I'd really watch out and be careful of any guy who's going to pester like that and keep texting when he doesn't get a reply. If you do decide to meet him just be careful! Don't rush into ANYTHING you're not comfortable with. Take care!
KS882 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Oh and just wanted to add too, agreed with curiousnycgirl about meeting quickly. I've never actually tried online dating but my best friend has. She spent months texting and emailing this guy she'd met online. Seemed like a nice enough guy. I urged her to ring him to make sure he wasn't anything dodgy but she wouldn't. Anyway then met up just after Christmas. She was so excited about it, built up all the expectations, even plans for the future just from what had been said/ she'd been reading out of his texts. She went to meet him and the guy was a... well to put it nicely he was a moron. Ignored her all night and she had to pay for everything. So, yeah, does seem like with internet dating it's better to meet them first before you build up your hopes too much, make sure they're say who they say they are and that there's some kinda spark before you get too excited.
Author Cora Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks all! Yeah, umm the more I think about this the more I just don't want to meet him. There was this initial spark when we first started talking, but after just a few short days it really isn't there anymore. All I really feel now is creeped out! Thankfully he hasn't tried to contact me yet any today. Of course he wanted me to call him this morning. I haven't so maybe he will get the hint. If he brings up meeting again I think I'll just tell him I want to wait. I'm not sure now if I ever want to meet him really. The reason I asked if this kind of clingy behavior was normal is because I have always had the opposite kind of guy. The one who you never hardly hear from. Like they will contact you once a week if that. I swear I either get one extreme or the other! I wasn't going to give him my number at first, but he seemed harmless enough. It wasn't until after I gave him my number that I saw his true colors start to come out. It's this very reason why I don't like meeting guys online anymore. I have been backing off more and more from the online dating thing. However, when I met him it was on a non dating website and I wasn't even looking to talk to anyone. He just sent me an email and I didn't want to be rude and not reply. It's not like he seemed like a total creeper then. If he did I wouldn't have replied at all. He was attractive and nice and I was curious so I said what do I have to lose? Anyway, I'm just glad I'm finding all this out before I met him. I guess what seems too good to be true at first usually is. Thanks for all the advice.
Author Cora Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 So now I'm ignoring/avoiding him. I saw he was online today so I made myself invisible. Later on he sends me a text saying kisses. That was it and I did not respond. A few hours later he sends another text saying you can call me now and then yet another with just a smiley face. I ignore them. You would think by then he would have gotten the hint. Instead he calls me and I don't answer so he leaves a voicemail. This is the first time ever hearing his voice. He sounds somewhat normal, but that's about the only normal thing it seems. On the voicemail he says hey just wanted to call and say I'm driving back home to SC now so it's kind of hard to text and drive. Give me a call bye. I ignore that as well. That was over three hours ago. I have heard nothing from him since so maybe he finally took the hint. Why do I feel so terrible for doing this? This is not my style at all. I'm having regrets, but he creeps me out. If he just wasn't so creepy he would be perfect! Well almost perfect. Anyway, I'm sticking to my guns on this one. I just feel bad for ignoring him like this and I didn't have the heart to say listen bud you are creeping me out. This feels so weird to me because I have always been the ignored, never the ignorer. Jeeze, if only the guys who I'm really interested in would pursue me like this! Well maybe not quite go this overboard.
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