Hkizzle Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Seeing so many people come here for similar advice, I want to create a list, or glossary of terms and things people should do or avoid doing in relationships. There are differences in strategies targeting men or women, so feel free to add gender specific ones as well as ones that apply to both sexes. Please feel free to add on. But to make this easier for the reader please follow 4 simple rules. 1) This isn't meant to be a debate, having a big discussion will hinder someones chances of finding useful information. 2) If it's just a personal opinion and not really a proven strategy, don't post it. 3) Number your strat, I'll start with #1 4) Keep the information concise to make it an easy read.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 #1: Spot and avoid psychological projection Psychological projection is the phenomenon where one projects one's own feelings, thoughts, motivations and desires onto someone else. So for example if you are in love or feel a connection for someone, you assume the other person feels the same about you, even if they don't. Psychological projection happens because it's a mechanism where the brain protects the person from rejection. In other words it's a form of denial, or self reinforcing mechanism of getting what you desire when you really haven't got it. It however can cause great harm in the long run because it can lead you into relationships that aren't meant to be. Men that feel attraction for bitches, and women for jerks tend to fall into the trap of psychological projection.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 1. Put down the Cosmo and the Glamour and the relationship books. Your relationship is yours, not what the magazines and books tell you is should be. Do not make your man take 'quizzes' or answer lists of questions that you found in a book or a magazine somewhere. 2. Your man is first and foremost human. He can change and adapt his behaviors, but not the biological impulses that drive those behaviors. Biology is not an excuse, but it is the base. Accept him as a man, and he should follow through on behaviors that will work best for you (or should, anyway - if he refuses, then that is a refusal to compromise, which can be a different problem) 3. Sex is important for men in relationships. Very important. For most, sex is a vital part of love when he is in a relationship in which he is happy. 4. Don't over-analyze the relationship. Don't create work where none may be needed. 5. Your happiness is your responsibility. Do not ever lay the responsibility for that at his or anyone else's feet. Happiness should be shared, not obligated. If your only source of happiness is another person, then get help. Seriously. That sort of satisfaction can only come from within, and if you hold someone else responsible for it, you'll kill the relationship. 6. Everyone needs some alone time. 7. As Kenny Rogers said... you got to know when to hold em, and know when to fold em. If someone is ready to walk away, let them. You'll gain nothing by trying to force them to stay.
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 3. Sex is important for men in relationships. Very important. For most, sex is a vital part of love when he is in a relationship in which he is happy.Quoted for truth. Sex, for most men, is the #1 driver in a relationship. Denying a man sex is right up there with infidelity and abuse (well, it IS a form of abuse, actually) as the main reasons why a man would be willing to leave a relationship.
Katherineos123 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 #1) And in my opinion, the most important thing to remember in a relationship is to BE FRIENDS. Be able to laugh and goof around with your SO. It keeps the relationship fun.... Cut them the same slack you would any other friend... Support them the way you would a friend... Show them the same level of respect, kindness and sensitivity you would your very best friend. If you d TRULY feel this way and act this way... Everything else will fall into place.
HappyAgain Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 If they appear too good to be true then likely it isn't true.If they agree with you about everything all time, be careful that they have a backbone.Be careful of people who say great sex is 80% of the relationship; there's not much substance for the long haul.Be careful of people who whine and whine about their previous LTRs; why did they stay so long in that case.Always look at their family dynamics; this is how they''ll treat you over time.Be careful of people who share everyone of your experiences; yes, we've all lived a life but they can relate to everything?!? Just plain bull**** coming out and true insincerity.Be careful of people who like every single hobby you do; really were we twins separated at birth?!? They'll soon stop enjoying the stuff because they never really did like everything.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Don't make a serious commitment really quickly it will magnify the intensity of an argument.
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