Dumped for the dying ex girlfriend

[maskt]

Sorry for this being a long post but Im just so hurt and confused now, plus this guy was my first proper boyfriend and the first guy I slept with, we were only together for about 4 months - I know not a long relationship but he made me feel so special and good about myself. We were friends before this so I knew him for about a year.

 

So heres the whole story, everything with the EX and I was great we didnt fight or anything, the whole reason we broke up was because his ex has a brain tumour and is in hospital dying - things arent looking very good for her, EX tried to hide it at first but I found out, he didnt want me knowing and was very angry and upset I knew, his reasoning was that it was his personal secret and he didnt wana hurt me, but I am fine with him supporting her through this terrible time, but he just didnt feel comfortable with it, he wanted time and space.

 

Theres alot of history between them and I guess his feelings are mixed up rite now, he told me that when they were together ages ago, that if she ever got into the situation she is in now, he would drop everything for her and dedicate the rest of his life for her - which I told him wasnt a bad thing but then he said he would even drop a partner if he had one, he said he felt he was cheating on me with her cos he would go to the hospital hold her hand, kiss her, bathe her etc, I mite be stupid but to me that wasnt cheating cos I felt he was just trying to get her through this, anyway I realised that his heart still belonged to her so we broke up, but the next day he called me crying saying hes confused, he doesnt what hes doing, I told him I wanted to be there and support him but thats not what he wanted, and if he didnt know how much time and space he needed then I couldnt wait around hoping we will get back together when there was no guarantee, anyway for the next few weeks we would txt each other, mostly me checking up on him, cos im so worried about him, he would tell me he cares about me, misses me,etc.

 

But I met up with him 2wks ago, we started talking as friends, but then he took my hand, and started cuddling me, I didnt feel it was right so I backed off but he said dont go, then he whispered in my ear, that he was sorry, so sorry, he said he didnt think i would understand but I have, he said he misses me, and that this wasnt goodbye, then I told him hes making this too hard on me, then he said that I keep coming back to him, and I said yeah I must be a fool to do so, then he said no he was the fool for pushing me away.

 

He thanked me for stickn in there and not giving up on him I even bought an angel for the ex i just dont feel threatened or jealous by her - maybe love is blind. Anyway he asked if I wanted to hangout the next day after work and I said yes, but then later on he txted saying he couldnt.

 

Felt hurt so I saw him at work the next day and I asked him if he meant what he told me when we met up, he said of course he did, I told him that he was confusing me cos he didnt want me involved with all of this then he did he complete u-turn when we met up. He said he is torn between two girls, he said he would also txt me later and he didnt.

 

The next day I called him and we had a big argument , he basically was telling me that I need to move on. go have fun with my friends, if a guy asks me out, then I should go for it. It hurt so much when he said that, he said he didnt know how long his ex was gona be like this, she could go in a few days, months or a year.

 

I asked him if he had feelings for me, cos if he did then i can handle everything else, he said it didnt matter anymore cos it wasnt gona change anything, he could go on all day about how he felt about me but it wont change the situation, then the truth finally came out - he said that if his ex does get better and if she wants to get back together then of course he will think about it cos they have been together for 6yrs.

 

I was like well thats all I wanted to know - the truth,then we ended the convo badly and later that nite I sent him a goodbye txt, cos I didnt want to end on bad terms. He really does confuse me cos then on the next night he txtd sayn hope I had a good day, that he was sorry that we argued, that my txt made him sad but yeah I guess this is for the best, I was like what the???

 

I txted him sayn why are you sad, you were the one that wanted this. He didnt reply, so I saw him at work again the next day, we agreed to meet up that night to talk but then I chickened out after a few hours cos I just couldnt go through all that hurt again, so I told him I couldnt see him cos he wanted space and I wasnt respecting his wishes, he txted back sayn yes he did want space and now that he got hit smack bang in the face he doesnt want it anymore, he said, hes stupid and confused, he said he didnt realise it would hurt so much being away from me, but space is what he asked for and now he said he has to pay the price.

 

I told him it didnt have to be this way, I will give him the space he wants but if we still feel the same way after a few weeks or so the we can go from there and see what happens, he txted sayn that I mean so much to him, if only he could show me how much, that there was so much he wants to share with me but he cant, that his feelings for me is not something he wants to give up but he has to not to make him happy but because he promised his ex a long time ago he would give her his heart, soul, his everything if she ever got like this and since her days are numbered he wants to be with her, then to top it all off he said hopefully one day I will find someone that will love me more than he could dream off - oooohhh that made me soooooo angry.

 

He thanked me for everything and kept going on and on but ended sayn this would be his last txt for awhile, he said it wasnt a goodbye more of a see you later, he made me sooo angry.

 

So thats it over and done with - hes just giving me a whole lot of bull, wish he would be a man and be straight up with me, if he really meant all that stuff like he didnt wana give me up, then he wouldnt have cos he knew i would have supported him, he just keeps making exuses. Part of me just feels like I was kinda the rebound girl for him, I really dont know what to believe with him anymore.

 

Its been a week NC and im struggling cos I havent heard from him, cant get him out of my mind, just want to move on but dont know how too.

 

Any suggestions on my situation would be really helpful - sorry for rambling on, just so much going on in my mind had to vent it all out.

 

Thanks

[hoping2heal]

This isn't the right relationship for you. This isn't the right relationship for him either. It's really actually not fine and okay for a partner to comitt their life to an ex, that is a very big red flag telling you that their heart is still occupied. If something like that ever happened to an ex of mine, I would honest to God feel very sad for them, but I would feel sad hearing the same about my neighbor. I wouldn't dedicate my life to them and I certainly wouldn't choose them over my current partner. I would be sad they are going through that, but I can't be the one to help them through it. I am in love with someone else now, and the part of my life we had together is done with.

 

You don't want a man who is pining over another woman, do you? Do you really want your partner going to the hospital and kissing the hand of, being there for, and bathing and taking care of another woman? Is that what you want? I could never handle that, it would devestate me beyond all belief to be in love with someone, who loved someone else.

 

It doesn't matter the rhyme or reason, he is choosing her over you because that's where is heart is, apparently where it's always been, and that isn't what you want in a relationship, is it?

[ScarLettIsle]

This isn't the right relationship for you. This isn't the right relationship for him either. It's really actually not fine and okay for a partner to comitt their life to an ex, that is a very big red flag telling you that their heart is still occupied. If something like that ever happened to an ex of mine, I would honest to God feel very sad for them, but I would feel sad hearing the same about my neighbor. I wouldn't dedicate my life to them and I certainly wouldn't choose them over my current partner. I would be sad they are going through that, but I can't be the one to help them through it. I am in love with someone else now, and the part of my life we had together is done with.

 

You don't want a man who is pining over another woman, do you? Do you really want your partner going to the hospital and kissing the hand of, being there for, and bathing and taking care of another woman? Is that what you want? I could never handle that, it would devestate me beyond all belief to be in love with someone, who loved someone else.

 

It doesn't matter the rhyme or reason, he is choosing her over you because that's where is heart is, apparently where it's always been, and that isn't what you want in a relationship, is it?

 

 

I authorize this post with a 2nd VOTE

[quankanne]

while it sounds romantic, there's something seriously wrong with two people who expect to hold up a bargain struck long ago in the heat of a love affair ... I understand the desire to support her in her need, but to totally shxt-can a relationship because a promise like that is not good. For him or for you, because it's saying that he will never have anything more than a divided loyalty to you (or whatever girl he's seeing) because of the bargain with his ex. If that's where his mind is, why the helll did they break up in the first place, you know?

 

as painful as this is, your best move is to move on so that you can find the guy who is going to respect your relationship and give you his love and loyalty more freely. I know you miss your ex, but honey, he never was fully in the relationship with you as long as he felt committed to that promise to his old girlfriend, and you deserve better than that. WAY better, IMO.

 

be strong, and keep up NC even though it may be killing you inside.