Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 H2H, I am going to "meetings" once a week, so I am learning about myself and my past as a child and what I grew up with. I also have to learn how not to be a doormat, and know when to "man up" when the time calls for it. This experience is a huge learning curve for me, and I have always said to myself, that she ought to be ashamed of herself for treating me or any other person that way. You just don't do that to people. I hate to say this, but what goes round, comes round....or I could just listen to Justin Timberlakes song "What goes around" over and over again...LOL!!!! I'm not wishing her any ill demises in her future with whoever, but I think there will come a time when she will reflect back on this, or maybe she won't. I can only get stronger and more wiser from this experience.
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 H2H, I am going to "meetings" once a week, so I am learning about myself and my past as a child and what I grew up with. I also have to learn how not to be a doormat, and know when to "man up" when the time calls for it. This experience is a huge learning curve for me, and I have always said to myself, that she ought to be ashamed of herself for treating me or any other person that way. You just don't do that to people. I hate to say this, but what goes round, comes round....or I could just listen to Justin Timberlakes song "What goes around" over and over again...LOL!!!! I'm not wishing her any ill demises in her future with whoever, but I think there will come a time when she will reflect back on this, or maybe she won't. I can only get stronger and more wiser from this experience. Yes, and she will be getting plenty of misfortune if she never shapes up. She may never, as I told you very early on, plenty of people die without ever changing their ways. If she continues on this path, she will never have a meaningful, loving relationship. That's a big thing to miss out on, it's too bad for her but not too late for you. I'm really glad to hear you're doing something to help yourself. That is really, really commendable. A lot of people won't do themselves that kind of justice, it's really great that you're one the people who IS. Good for you, you have some really good things going for you.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks H2H, you've been a huge help during this whole thing. I think what you do out here on this site is commendable. God bless you!!
llala Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Dude I would get one of those masks you have up there as your avatar and go to her house with a big knife and peep into her windows...take a knife and drag it down slowly on the door...Oh wait where was I? Anyway she is doing that on purpose to get you jealous and yes to get a reaction out of you. She just met him and has no idea who he is or what type of person he is going to turn out to be so that really is all she is doing. Some women will do anything in their power to get a reaction from a guy and as soon as they do the guy automatically fails because he lost his cool. Doesn't matter if you are right or wrong if you react your done. Best thing to do is ignore it and to ignore her. if she contacts you again get back to her because if you don't she may think you are pissed off or something over what she said to you and that in itself is a reaction. Just play it calm...don't lose your cool...and go from there. My little brother who's in college just had the same thing happen. Ive never had a guy beg back. But do women lose all interest if the guy tries to contact them at all after they end it? (even friendly)? Is there a way to get the power back?
steelfist9 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I'm very sorry you have to go through this. I am going through a similar situation. The worst part is that my ex works at the same job as me and it seems that whenever I'm in hearing distance she has to say something about how our relationship was a mistake, how great she is doing now..etc. It's a freakign mess. I hate myself for being so messed about during this breakup.
silic0ntoad Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 My little brother who's in college just had the same thing happen. Ive never had a guy beg back. But do women lose all interest if the guy tries to contact them at all after they end it? (even friendly)? Is there a way to get the power back? Getting the power back is to leave the corpse buried. Break contact. Drop off the face of the planet. Don't seethe with guilt over nothing you could control. It's easier said than done, but to dissappear is true power.
llala Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I'm very sorry you have to go through this. I am going through a similar situation. The worst part is that my ex works at the same job as me and it seems that whenever I'm in hearing distance she has to say something about how our relationship was a mistake, how great she is doing now..etc. It's a freakign mess. I hate myself for being so messed about during this breakup. Hello. Listen, my ex is doing the exact same thing. He has blogs. And he's trying to make himself seem like the happiest person in the world at the moment. And people talk. Anyone who is telling you this news isnt truly your friend. Remember that. I had 2-3 of his guy friends msn me to tell me how great he's been doing. *******s the lot of them, deleted in an instant.
steelfist9 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I'm so curious as to what's going on. I'm going to contact a psychic today.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 H2H, since my ex called me the other day to tell me how wonderful and exciting her new friend is, she called the following morning to ask me about some e-mail address password she had lost, to which I told her I didn't know what it was. Then today, she called me and I didn't answer, however, she didn't leave a message....I'm wondering what she's up to. She hasn't called back, so I don't know what she's doing. I will still not answer if she does call me back, I will let her leave a message if it's important enough. I still have to meet with her to get the rest of my belongings sometime next week, so I am planning that one. What are your thoughts?
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 H2H, since my ex called me the other day to tell me how wonderful and exciting her new friend is, she called the following morning to ask me about some e-mail address password she had lost, to which I told her I didn't know what it was. Then today, she called me and I didn't answer, however, she didn't leave a message....I'm wondering what she's up to. She hasn't called back, so I don't know what she's doing. I will still not answer if she does call me back, I will let her leave a message if it's important enough. I still have to meet with her to get the rest of my belongings sometime next week, so I am planning that one. What are your thoughts? I think she's up to her usual bull****, nothing new. Nothing that takes me by surprise. There isn't a way for you to get your things without having contact with her? You aren't strong enough yet against her mental warfare and I worry about what she will do to you once she has the opportunity. Glad you're ignoring her phone calls.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Well today was her son's b-day, so I wonder if that might have something to do with it. I hav'nt heard from her since, and I'm wondering if I should return her call later today just to be civil, and say I was really busy and I missed her call. I'm just curious, it could be nothing, but again to be civil about it wouldn't hurt.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Well today was her son's b-day, so I wonder if that might have something to do with it. I hav'nt heard from her since, and I'm wondering if I should return her call later today just to be civil, and say I was really busy and I missed her call. I'm just curious, it could be nothing, but again to be civil about it wouldn't hurt. To be civil? Ah, this is exactly what I'm talking about DSM. You are NOT strong enough right now against her mental warfare. After everything woman has done to you, you still don't get it and you want to talk about being civil? She tries to eat you for breakfeast at every given opportunity she has, and you want to be civil? Why don't you just open the door for jeffry dahmer or charles manson when they knock? I mean, really?
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 OK, I see what your saying, so you think that maybe she might be checking to see if I am still available and waiting by the phone for her to call....I gotcha, well then I am glad I didn't answer the phone, and if it was important enough she would have left a message. Odd thing is that when she usually calls, and I don't answer, she will leave a message, but she didn't this time. Well, I still have to collect my belongings next week and so when I do, I will make it a rush job, and act like I have somewhere to go, and not give her the oppurtunity to say anything, because again, she may be looking for a reaction from me, which would only feed her ego.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 OK, I see what your saying, so you think that maybe she might be checking to see if I am still available and waiting by the phone for her to call....I gotcha, well then I am glad I didn't answer the phone, and if it was important enough she would have left a message. Odd thing is that when she usually calls, and I don't answer, she will leave a message, but she didn't this time. Well, I still have to collect my belongings next week and so when I do, I will make it a rush job, and act like I have somewhere to go, and not give her the oppurtunity to say anything, because again, she may be looking for a reaction from me, which would only feed her ego. That's exactly what she's doing. Be prepared, because I have a feeling she's really going to pull out the stops if need be. She isn't going to let you go that easily, and by let you go; I don't mean because she CARES for you, but your her little pawn in her little fantasy world and it is going to be devestating to her ego and narcisus to have you cut off the air supply and I think she's not going to go out without a fight. I'm really worried about you having to see her next week. She already has you thinking about calling her, and being civil.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Well I do have to pick up what's left of my belongings, and I know I may have to see her. All I want to do is just get my things, and get in my car and drive off. I know if I stay and get into a conversation with her, it might get emotional, and I don't want that. She told me, when she dropped the bomb on me the other night, that she wanted to meet with me next week while she's at work, so the kids don't see. She told me that she had a long conversation with the kids about our situation, but funny thing is, she didn't waste anytime to introduce them to her new fling. That's why I don't believe she just met him last week. His name and location was on that list of names in May when I found it on the counter in her kitchen. It was just his first name and where he was from with his phone #, but how many of this guy's name does she know right? It's not that common of a name. I did put 2 and 2 together, so that's why I don't believe her. We'll see what happens. So for right now H2H, I should continue to ignore her calls unless she leaves a message or what?
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Well I do have to pick up what's left of my belongings, and I know I may have to see her. All I want to do is just get my things, and get in my car and drive off. I know if I stay and get into a conversation with her, it might get emotional, and I don't want that. She told me, when she dropped the bomb on me the other night, that she wanted to meet with me next week while she's at work, so the kids don't see. She told me that she had a long conversation with the kids about our situation, but funny thing is, she didn't waste anytime to introduce them to her new fling. That's why I don't believe she just met him last week. His name and location was on that list of names in May when I found it on the counter in her kitchen. It was just his first name and where he was from with his phone #, but how many of this guy's name does she know right? It's not that common of a name. I did put 2 and 2 together, so that's why I don't believe her. We'll see what happens. So for right now H2H, I should continue to ignore her calls unless she leaves a message or what? When she leaves a message you STILL ignore her. If there's a problem someone else can fix it, if there's an emergency she should be calling her boyfriend to help, not you. I also don't doubt she tries to pull something like that too when she starts getting desperate. See? Even with this guy..still more lying and cheating. She's just a wrecking ball of a person. Why do you think you should call her if she leaves a message though? Honestly, let's get to the bottom of this civil ness idea you have.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I don't know, I guess it's my good heartedness. I see where that's gotten me before though right? Nothing should matter anymore anyways, she did what she did, and I hope she's happy. Maybe now she can take the knife out of my chest, so I can heal faster. It's just amazing how she can be so easygoing about this whole thing, and not have any feelings about what she did to me, but I can blame myself too for allowing it to happen from the begining. No man in his right mind would tolerate what I tolerated from her, and I told her that. That's why I do have alot to learn, yes I am a good person, but too good, to the point where I was taken advantage of, and she knows it.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I don't know, I guess it's my good heartedness. No, that isn't it. You are good hearted, that is not why this happened to you. There are plenty of good hearted people who know how to use their kindness as a strength without allowing it to become a liability. You have been exposed to and/ or experienced some things in your life that skewed your view of healthy normal relationships. Where most people would of put there foot down and left because she was cheating and lying, you stayed. The reason you stayed had nothing to do with kindness, compassion, being good hearted. Make no mistake of that. I see where that's gotten me before though right? See above. Nothing should matter anymore anyways, she did what she did, and I hope she's happy. Maybe now she can take the knife out of my chest, so I can heal faster. She isn't going to do anything to help YOU heal faster. In the entire course of the relationship she cheated to serve HER, she lied to serve HER, she cut you down continuously to serve HER. She did nothing for your benefit through the relationship, why would you expect her to start after a break up? It's just amazing how she can be so easygoing about this whole thing, and not have any feelings about what she did to me , Why amazing? Has she done anything to show she has a concious about her actions? Not unless there's something I haven't heard. but I can blame myself too for allowing it to happen from the begining. No man in his right mind would tolerate what I tolerated from her, and I told her that. Bingo, but that's why it's important you seek help and heal from what you've been through so that if another woman should pull this, you will know to walk away. You will know she is poison, and destruction. You will know it is not your fault. That's why I do have alot to learn, yes I am a good person, but too good, to the point where I was taken advantage of, and she knows it. I think there's a big misconception about why people get taken advantage of. It isn't because they are nice or too good hearted, it because they are naive or don't know any better, or because they have grown up in a dysfunctional environment where there is no line that says "this is crossed, this is wrong." Being a nice or good person has nothing to do with letting others treat you poorly or take advantage of you.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 She def. had me pegged, she knew how I was going to react, and so she knows how to manipulate the situation. She had an answer for everything I asked her, about any suspicions I had, and with that I would "give in", and believe her whenever she explained herself, well, shame on me for that. I guess it just came down to not wanting to lose her. She read that from me, and so she continued her games, because she had me right where she wanted me. I def. should have had the balls to stand up for myself when the time was right. That's what she was talking about when she would tell me what she was looking for in a man, someone who challenges her, and is not afraid of confrontation. Someone who is firm in their decisions, and is ambitious, etc etc. Now, it's like I think she's just seeing if I am waiting by the phone for her to call, well I knew she called me today, but I didn't answer, and she didn't leave a message. I wonder what today will bring?
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 She def. had me pegged, she knew how I was going to react, and so she knows how to manipulate the situation. She had an answer for everything I asked her, about any suspicions I had, and with that I would "give in", and believe her whenever she explained herself, well, shame on me for that. I guess it just came down to not wanting to lose her. She read that from me, and so she continued her games, because she had me right where she wanted me. I def. should have had the balls to stand up for myself when the time was right. That's what she was talking about when she would tell me what she was looking for in a man, someone who challenges her, and is not afraid of confrontation. Someone who is firm in their decisions, and is ambitious, etc etc. Now, it's like I think she's just seeing if I am waiting by the phone for her to call, well I knew she called me today, but I didn't answer, and she didn't leave a message. I wonder what today will bring? Yeah, the only difference is she's lying about what she wants in a man. We have been through this before, we both know she doesn't REALLY want a man that stands up to her because they would DUMP HER ASS IN A NEW YORK MINUTE, so she can't possibly want a man like that; she'd lose him in four weeks once he's onto her phoney baloney. . But yeah, she definately had you pegged and she isn't going to let you go without a fight, so please be prepared for it. She's going to be pulling out her very finest tricks for you soon enough, but they will all mean nothing. She's just going to use them to bring you right back where she wants and NEEDS you to be. Be prepared for it, be strong against it, and don't fall into her trap. I.E Don't think she's being nice, needy, weak, vulnerable, in need of you..and ever being sincere about it. She won't be.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Well if her mind is set on this new guy, why would she continue to play games? Why not get it over with, just give me back my stuff and be done with it. Or, is it that "she wants what she can't have" routine? I am an emotional person, and I know if I start talking to her I am not too sure how it will go emotionally. So, from now til next week when I do get my things, just ignore her until she actually sets a time frame to meet? I'm just trying to figure out the best course of action here.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Well if her mind is set on this new guy, why would she continue to play games? Why not get it over with, just give me back my stuff and be done with it. Why...Why! Are you expecting her to act like a normal, logical, healthy, sane, stable person? Why have him when she can have you both? Besides, she's always kind of liked her man that way, no? And by have you; she has someone to tear down, someone to make her feel superior. Someone she can be on a complete power trip with and abuse, manipulate, torment in any which way she chooses. Yeah, she's a real sweetheart. Or, is it that "she wants what she can't have" routine? I am an emotional person, and I know if I start talking to her I am not too sure how it will go emotionally. She's betting on this. Here's what I want you to do when you have to see her. Over and over repeat what she's done. "Cheated" "lied" "cut me down" "made me feel badly about myself" "made me question myself". Just repeat it over and over, I'm dead serious. Do it in your head mentally so she can't hear you if need be, but say it out loud the entire car ride there; it's important for you to HEAR OUT LOUD what she has done to you. I know it's a little unconventional, but I think it could really help you get through it, and you don't stop for NOTHING. Constantly repeat it to yourself, like a mantra. So, from now til next week when I do get my things, just ignore her until she actually sets a time frame to meet? I'm just trying to figure out the best course of action here. Well, you tell me. Do you think you should call her? Do you think you should answer next time she calls? Don't just give me a yes or no answer either, humor me and explain why you answered the questions the way you did.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Well, first off I have no clue as to why she called me yesterday and didn't leave a message (which she usually does). So I assume it wasn't anything important. I can guess that maybe she was testing me to see if her theory continues to be true, that I will always be there and available by the phone waiting for her like a sap. Had I answered, she might have asked me a stupid question like she did the morning prior to yesterday or maybe something about my belongings...who knows. I feel like I want to keep her guessing (by not answering and NOT being so available), like I want her to wonder what I am doing or who I am with. But see, she's so indepedent and strong willed, I don't think she is thinking that, because maybe she doesn't care..not sure. I don't want to feed her ego, cause if I did call her back, she can say to herself "see, I still got him. Hook line and sinker". I want to change my method of operation now, I don't want to be the doormat anymore, I want to turn the tables on her and see how she likes it, but again, she probably won't care. The whole point of me being civil does sound stupid, I guess it's my nature, but after what I've been through with this woman since April, why should I give her the satisfaction, she doesn't deserve it. It will only feed her ego by reacting or responding. The only time I should respond is when she makes the appointment to meet so I can get the rest of my belongings. Then I will meet her, get my stuff, say nothing and drive away with my pride (balls) still attached.
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Well, first off I have no clue as to why she called me yesterday and didn't leave a message (which she usually does). So I assume it wasn't anything important. I can guess that maybe she was testing me to see if her theory continues to be true, that I will always be there and available by the phone waiting for her like a sap. Had I answered, she might have asked me a stupid question like she did the morning prior to yesterday or maybe something about my belongings...who knows. I feel like I want to keep her guessing (by not answering and NOT being so available), like I want her to wonder what I am doing or who I am with. But see, she's so indepedent and strong willed, I don't think she is thinking that, because maybe she doesn't care..not sure. I don't want to feed her ego, cause if I did call her back, she can say to herself "see, I still got him. Hook line and sinker". I want to change my method of operation now, I don't want to be the doormat anymore, I want to turn the tables on her and see how she likes it, but again, she probably won't care. The whole point of me being civil does sound stupid, I guess it's my nature, but after what I've been through with this woman since April, why should I give her the satisfaction, she doesn't deserve it. It will only feed her ego by reacting or responding. The only time I should respond is when she makes the appointment to meet so I can get the rest of my belongings. Then I will meet her, get my stuff, say nothing and drive away with my pride (balls) still attached. You're getting caught up in her game, don't. Start audibly reminding yourself why she isn't good for you. Don't worry about playing her game back, it isn't healthy. No, she'll never really care aside from the damage sustained to her ego, that's how she is unfortunately. She is going to make it her mission to make you cave though, that's why it's important you continue to say out loud to yourself why she is bad for you, you wouldn't believe how we start to process information once we have HEARD it, not just read it; HEARD it. It's amazing.
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