DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Well I guess it really was too good to be true. After 6 days of NC with my ex (that's a record), she called me tonight and left a message on my cell stating "we need to talk". After I heard this, I was like, "uh oh, this can't be good". So I called her back, and she stated to me that she has met someone else, and that she wants to meet with me to give the rest of my belongings back to me. She went into detail about her new mate, and for some reason or another she indulged into how much of a man he was, and how he was everything she was looking for, and that she met him at Home Depot just last week, and instantly fell for him....yada yada yada. Maybe someone can explain to me why she would go into detail about this guy and how great he is, since she really just met him. She also stated to me that he lives an hour and half away from her, and that he's in the military and he's being deployed in December. Why is she telling me all this? Is she looking for a reaction? Or is she just looking to close the book on our relationship? She also told me that she called her "guy friends" and asked them NOT to call her anymore because she was taking things serious with her new mate......yeah..and she couldn't have done that with me when we were together for almost 2 years? I don't know whether to believe her story or not about all this because she is very good at being a decieving liar, and all the while she was telling me this, she expressed no emotion whatsoever (crying or sobbing), NONE. She did say she was sorry, to which I replied "no your not", and that not only was I partially to blame for what happened between us, but she is to blame to. I explained how she took advantage of me and my not being aggressive enough during the relationship. She told me how her family expressed how unhappy she was when she was with me, and how happy she is now with this new guy.......whatever YOU JUST MET HIM!!! oh, and she has already introduced him to her kids, and they instantly like him,...yeah they liked me too when I first met them. BTW, he's been divorced for ten years and he has 2 kids of his own that are a little older than her kids. We'll see how the meet goes when I pick up my stuff. I also had a hunch that this might happen, that she would meet someone, I guess I was given false hope of reconnecting with her...oh well. H2H, I bet you can't wait to get your hands on this thread...LOL
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Dude I would get one of those masks you have up there as your avatar and go to her house with a big knife and peep into her windows...take a knife and drag it down slowly on the door...Oh wait where was I? Anyway she is doing that on purpose to get you jealous and yes to get a reaction out of you. She just met him and has no idea who he is or what type of person he is going to turn out to be so that really is all she is doing. Some women will do anything in their power to get a reaction from a guy and as soon as they do the guy automatically fails because he lost his cool. Doesn't matter if you are right or wrong if you react your done. Best thing to do is ignore it and to ignore her. if she contacts you again get back to her because if you don't she may think you are pissed off or something over what she said to you and that in itself is a reaction. Just play it calm...don't lose your cool...and go from there.
Blue Star Above Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Ah, time for some good psychology lessons. Oops, I'm on the wrong account. Oh well... Anyway, this girl is insane. She sounds as if she's suffering from Histrionic Personality Disorder. Well, that's assuming she's being honest. Because if she is being honest about saying all those things after only knowing the guy for a week, she definitely see's relationships as overly intimate. Also, sounds like depedent personality disorder. Oh how I love labeling people. I can drop a few more disorders, because believe me she qualifies for about 5 more.. but the thing is, it doesn't matter. The way this all builds up, is she's just plain insane. You don't need to know what bricks built her, but rather just listen to me that she's psychotic. P.S. Go strict NC and watch her lunge back for you in 1.5 to 3 months. From now til then, be prepared to shoot her down for your own good. Get yourself ready.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Oh yeah, couple of more tidbits. She also stated to me that she feels like she's known this guy forever because of how smart and intelligent he is, and again everything she's looking for in a man, qualities wise, and I guess they were joking around last week when they met when he jokingly proposed to her, and she stated to me that she actually thought about it.....what a nutjob!! I was cool, calm and collective to her during the conversation, I gave her a piece of my mind, to which she really didn't have much of a response for.
EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 lol didnt you guys break up 2 maybe 3 weeks ago? i doubt shes found anyone in that small amount of time that she just adores soo much and loves everything about him when she knows nothing about him. i mean, i dont think i would. i think shes def. looking for a reaction from you. dont give her one.
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Well I guess it really was too good to be true. After 6 days of NC with my ex (that's a record), she called me tonight and left a message on my cell stating "we need to talk". After I heard this, I was like, "uh oh, this can't be good". So I called her back, and she stated to me that she has met someone else, and that she wants to meet with me to give the rest of my belongings back to me. She went into detail about her new mate, and for some reason or another she indulged into how much of a man he was, and how he was everything she was looking for, and that she met him at Home Depot just last week, and instantly fell for him....yada yada yada. Maybe someone can explain to me why she would go into detail about this guy and how great he is, since she really just met him. She also stated to me that he lives an hour and half away from her, and that he's in the military and he's being deployed in December. Why is she telling me all this? Is she looking for a reaction? Or is she just looking to close the book on our relationship? She also told me that she called her "guy friends" and asked them NOT to call her anymore because she was taking things serious with her new mate......yeah..and she couldn't have done that with me when we were together for almost 2 years? I don't know whether to believe her story or not about all this because she is very good at being a decieving liar, and all the while she was telling me this, she expressed no emotion whatsoever (crying or sobbing), NONE. She did say she was sorry, to which I replied "no your not", and that not only was I partially to blame for what happened between us, but she is to blame to. I explained how she took advantage of me and my not being aggressive enough during the relationship. She told me how her family expressed how unhappy she was when she was with me, and how happy she is now with this new guy.......whatever YOU JUST MET HIM!!! oh, and she has already introduced him to her kids, and they instantly like him,...yeah they liked me too when I first met them. BTW, he's been divorced for ten years and he has 2 kids of his own that are a little older than her kids. We'll see how the meet goes when I pick up my stuff. I also had a hunch that this might happen, that she would meet someone, I guess I was given false hope of reconnecting with her...oh well. H2H, I bet you can't wait to get your hands on this thread...LOL LOL. I mean this as a joke to make you laugh DSM..but you know that movie, 50 first dates? Where he finally gets her orientated into reality and she knows what's going on, and then the next day she has forgotten everything and they have to start all over? LOL. Okay DSM, I'm going to respond in a minute here. Just come scoot back on over here again, so we can have our little chit-chat.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 OK, I'm here all night. It's too bad I can't PM you...LOL!!
DSM-IV Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Hey, there is only room for one DSM here. What does DSM in your name stand for...?
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Well I guess it really was too good to be true. Wait, what part was too good to be true? The part where she cheated on you? The part where she lied about cheating and tried to throw it back at you? Oh I know, it must be the part where she cut you down and always made you feel like an inferior person. I don't know, unless I'm just blind and missing something here in this amazing union filled with love and intimacy and bliss that the two of you had going on there. After 6 days of NC with my ex (that's a record) Good for you for keeping up with that. , she called me tonight and left a message on my cell stating "we need to talk". Now, on the message did she actually SAY "we need to talk" or did she say "Hi, I'd like to spew some more venom today and I'm starting to itch a little bit from not having decieved anyone lately, so would you mind humoring me while I talk a bunch of BS? Cause that would be super!" After I heard this, I was like, "uh oh, this can't be good". Well, it could be provided she was about to tell you she was ready to stay out of your life. Getting rid of a manipulative, poison spewing, cheating black widow spider of a person? Well! Next to winning the lottery, I'd say that is about the best thing that could happen to you all month! So I called her back, and she stated to me that she has met someone else, Oh god, that poor guy. I hope he likes tylenol. and that she wants to meet with me to give the rest of my belongings back to me. She went into detail about her new mate, and for some reason or another she indulged into how much of a man he was, and how he was everything she was looking for, and that she met him at Home Depot just last week, and instantly fell for him Right, how much of a man he is. Well, for her sake she had better hope not, because if he was? He won't be hanging around her for very long. That isn't to say you're not a man DSM, we've already established there's some reasons for things going on with you, and that's why you even stick around in her crap. It doesn't make you less of a man, but I do hope you decide to heal from those things some day, simply so you won't end up with another one of these fine specimens. ...yada yada yada. Maybe someone can explain to me why she would go into detail about this guy and how great he is, since she really just met him. She also stated to me that he lives an hour and half away from her, and that he's in the military and he's being deployed in December. Why is she telling me all this? Is she looking for a reaction? Or is she just looking to close the book on our relationship? She also told me that she called her "guy friends" and asked them NOT to call her anymore because she was taking things serious with her new mate Hold on what did she say? I was trying to understand but all I kept reading was "blah blah blah". ......yeah..and she couldn't have done that with me when we were together for almost 2 years? I don't know whether to believe her story or not about all this because she is very good at being a decieving liar, and all the while she was telling me this, she expressed no emotion whatsoever (crying or sobbing), NONE. She doesn't have any to express. I'm not surprised in the least, to be honest. That part right there is right on charachter for her as far as I'm concerned. Also, don't lose sleep over it. She isn't telling the truth and she proved that already by her actions with you. If she really was turning over a new leaf like she wants you to believe, for starters she wouldn't of even HAD THE CONVERSATION that she did with you about him. She's just blowing out more hot air again. She did say she was sorry, to which I replied "no your not", and that not only was I partially to blame for what happened between us, but she is to blame to. I explained how she took advantage of me and my not being aggressive enough during the relationship. She told me how her family expressed how unhappy she was when she was with me, and how happy she is now with this new guy.......whatever YOU JUST MET HIM!!! LOL. Sorry, she's just so funny sometimes, ya know? oh, and she has already introduced him to her kids, and they instantly like him,...yeah they liked me too when I first met them. BTW, he's been divorced for ten years and he has 2 kids of his own that are a little older than her kids. We'll see how the meet goes when I pick up my stuff. I also had a hunch that this might happen, that she would meet someone, I guess I was given false hope of reconnecting with her...oh well. Why on God's green earth would you want to connect with her? You already have said you can't take the cheating and lying, we both know she isn't going to stop that. Not with this peter schilling she won't either, again; it was obvious the minute she started telling you about him that she hadn't changed one iota. I tell you what, I really hope she believes everything she says in her fantasy land she has conjured up, because I sure as hell don't buy it for two seconds.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Well, what's done is done. When I do meet her to get the rest of my belongings, I will simply get my stuff and get in my car and take off without giving her a chance to say anything. I need to stand on my own two feet for once, and show her who's boss. She told me how I wasn't aggressive enough during the relationship among other things, and that's what she's looking for in a man. We were on the phone for about 30 minutes, maybe way too long, but I did say what I had to say and she showed no remorse for anything....maybe she did meet someone, and I told her I hope she's happy...the way I look at it.....he's her problem now.
DSM-IV Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Your initials are DSM? Surely, it 'tis a sign, you are a prodigy of psychology! Anywhoo, joking aside. Prepare for the pain to come. There are many things I could tell you, but only one thing that can truly help you: Prepare for the oncoming pain, and embrace it. You can't run from the pain, run towards it. Cry every tear you can, because each tear is a memory you're letting go of.
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Well, what's done is done. When I do meet her to get the rest of my belongings, I will simply get my stuff and get in my car and take off without giving her a chance to say anything. I need to stand on my own two feet for once, and show her who's boss. She told me how I wasn't aggressive enough during the relationship among other things, and that's what she's looking for in a man. We were on the phone for about 30 minutes, maybe way too long, but I did say what I had to say and she showed no remorse for anything....maybe she did meet someone, and I told her I hope she's happy...the way I look at it.....he's her problem now. Yeah, I feel sorry for that guy. Once again she's BSing about the aggressive crap. Sorry, but if she had a man who was self respecting and assertive in her life, he would wipe her off like the dirt on the bottom of his shoes RIGHT QUICK. You have a reason for why you put up with her crap, and it's people with the same vulnerability and pre disposition to do so that she wants and NEEDS in her life, because anyone who has their **** together simply would see right through her storytelling hour and her actions and say "buh bye". Also, it should be troubling enough that she had no remorse for her actions. That would scare the **** out of me. It's also another good resaon why it's a GOOD thing she's gone. I've had my less than sparkling moments, but I did feel remorse.
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Your initials are DSM? Surely, it 'tis a sign, you are a prodigy of psychology! Anywhoo, joking aside. Prepare for the pain to come. There are many things I could tell you, but only one thing that can truly help you: Prepare for the oncoming pain, and embrace it. You can't run from the pain, run towards it. Cry every tear you can, because each tear is a memory you're letting go of. This is really smart, solid advice. I agree with everything said here, yeah she's cruella de vil, but it's still okay to mourn her loss and very normal.
DSM-IV Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Hey hoping your current post count (814) is the area code my most recent ex girlfriend is from. Ooh crazy.
Trimmer Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 She went into detail about her new mate, and for some reason or another she indulged into how much of a man he was, and how he was everything she was looking for, and that she met him at Home Depot just last week, and instantly fell for him....yada yada yada. Maybe someone can explain to me why she would go into detail about this guy and how great he is, since she really just met him. The other factor is that she is probably saying these things over and over to anyone in earshot, as a way of convincing herself. Some part of her - buried way beneath the layers of wacky cake with crazy frosting on top - knows that she is out of control and doing stupid things, but the other part of her is valiantly trying to convince herself that "it's all good" by telling this glowing story over and over again. Remember, the story she's telling is not necessarily reality, nor a reliable prediction of how things will go, it's the story as she sees it - as she wants to see it.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks DSM-IV, I think I'm beyond the tears and the pain, I now need to focus on me, I feel like a free man now, I don't have to deal with her kids, the dogs, even the non-stop chirping freakin birds, or her BS anymore or the everyday stress factory called her house. I just wish I could turn the clocks back one year to the day, and I wouldn't have relocated across the state and moved in with her. It's like that saying "Had I known then what I know now..."
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Hey hoping your current post count (814) is the area code my most recent ex girlfriend is from. Ooh crazy. Oh so it's like that now. Ok "DSM-IV" "who I never knew from your first post who you were" . That's funny though .
DSM-IV Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks DSM-IV, I think I'm beyond the tears and the pain Unfortunately, you aren't. As I said my friend, be prepared. Don't hesitate to cry. True strength is the ability to cry. And hoping, I still cannot confirm or deny any identities you may or may not assume are or aren't me.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks, I'm taking it all in, and I probably will cry again, even though I hate to admit it. But crying does flush out the system. Thanks again for the support.
tigressA Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks DSM-IV, I think I'm beyond the tears and the pain, I now need to focus on me, I feel like a free man now, I don't have to deal with her kids, the dogs, even the non-stop chirping freakin birds, or her BS anymore or the everyday stress factory called her house. I just wish I could turn the clocks back one year to the day, and I wouldn't have relocated across the state and moved in with her. It's like that saying "Had I known then what I know now..." Hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up over it. Embrace the saying, "Better late than never." Be happy that you got out when you did and that you're not wasting any more time with her. Oh, and DSM-IV--I was born and raised in that 814 area code
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks, I'm taking it all in, and I probably will cry again, even though I hate to admit it. But crying does flush out the system. Thanks again for the support. Why do you hate to admit crying? It's a perfectly useful function. Prolactin is released in your tears and your brain releases stress reducing chemicals. It's very good for you physically to cry, it helps a lot. I agree with Tom, you have a ways to go yet because you haven't even accepted what you have been through. This is actually the reason every day you post something new about wanting to be back with her, because while you recognize when someone points out to you what has happened, you haven't actually accepted it. I mean, MAYBE you just like our daily chit chats but alas, I doubt that's the reason . It hasn't actually registered to you yet, and that's okay too. It's just going to take some time for you.
Trimmer Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks, I'm taking it all in, and I probably will cry again, even though I hate to admit it. But crying does flush out the system. Don't be afraid to admit it to yourself, and don't fight it like it's a bad thing, even though yes, it will hurt. Accept and embrace that you are mourning a loss, and realize that it's absolutely and completely human. Stuffing it down and trying to extinguish it without allowing yourself to experience it will do more harm than good. Just keep the perspective that you are mourning the loss if what was, and your vision and hopes of what might have been. But also keep a perspective on the reality of what the situation has become, to remind yourself that, even as you mourn those losses, in reality, you don't want to go back there. Try to maintain that balance in your perspective, and it will help you process it and get through it.
Author DSM2709 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks everyone, it will take some time. I also know in time I will meet someone that will accept me for who I am, and I can't wait for that. My friends have told me that there will come a time, that I will look back at this moment in my life, and laugh. I believe things happen for a reason, and yes maybe this just wasn't meant to be, and the sooner I realize that, I will be a better person for it.
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks everyone, it will take some time. I also know in time I will meet someone that will accept me for who I am, and I can't wait for that. My friends have told me that there will come a time, that I will look back at this moment in my life, and laugh. I believe things happen for a reason, and yes maybe this just wasn't meant to be, and the sooner I realize that, I will be a better person for it. I also hope, you come to realise this behavior of hers is NOT acceptable. You knew about the cheating for a good, long time and put up with it. I hope you don't get out of this relationship, only to hop into one that is similiar. That's why I was saying I hope at some point you get some help to heal from what you've been through in your past, so that you really can experience a healthy and loving relationship at some point down the road.
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