I'm lost!!

[Blue Star Above]

So there's this girl I met at a fair a little while back. We hit it off immediately, and ended up talking on the phone til 4am a few different times. We seriously clicked. We had a lot in common, and we flirted a lot off the bat, and she made it clear she found me very very attractive, and I said the same back. (I really do find her very attractive).

 

So anyway, we've been talking all day every day since, and making little plans here and there like cuddling to some movies, going places together (adventuring), holding eachother, looking for paranormal stuff together, etc. (No we aren't kids. I'm 22).

 

So anyway, today she says shes very sick with a terribly bad migraine. She was at the doctors earlier for it actually. She only got 2 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours or more.

 

Well, today we're flirting as usual, making little plans, etc. Then she tells me she heard if you have your neck kissed in a certain place during a bad headache, it will help the headache dissipate.

 

So I said maybe her and me should try.

 

She said yes, but there's one problem.

 

I said yea?

 

She said she only does that stuff with people she's dating.

 

So I said "Well, maybe we should consider one or two of those things we're going to do, as dates".

 

She said "Yes maybe we should. But I'm afraid I'll want more than that.."

 

So I said "You want more? Would you want to.. steadily date?"

 

She said "Yes, but also no. Because I know you cut off your ex's and I don't ever want to lose you. But at the same time I want to date. But also theres the age difference."

 

(Shes 19, im 22. Her parents are very strict and wouldnt go along with it she thinks).

 

So I said "Maybe we could be platonic friends to others, but to you and me, we could be more. That's just me though."

 

I tried to play it cool, but not too cool so that I'd look like a tool. I just wanted to be normal and not threatening, but not too distant. I didn't want to come off like some player. Because I really do want to be with her.

 

She hasn't replied. I don't know if she fell asleep, or if my idea offended her. It's been about 40 minutes now since I sent it. Should I send another saying "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, we can take it one day at a time."

 

Or should I say nothing? She may have fallen asleep on account of her condition. I don't know what to do right now.

[Soul Bear]

Dont reply. You WILL look like a tool.

Just wait until tomorow and see how.

[boogieboy]

Yes let her initiate the next contact.

 

Im a lil suspicious about how she thinks since shes already anticipating a breakup before youre even together. You will have to stand your ground, and she will have to accept that if you dont date, that you will cut her off, because friendship is not an option.

 

Ill also throw out there that she might be the type of girl that breaks it off with you, but keeps you hanging on for ego purposes and shes already trying to get you to see if you'll go along with it. Wow, that pisses me off.

[Blue Star Above]

Thank you both.

 

It's ok boogie I reread my post and said that wrong. She actually said "IF one day we broke up, I dont want to lose you".

 

She didn't say what I posted. I wrote that too fast.

 

But I appreciate both your points of views. I'm a down to earth person, not trying to use this girl for sex. Not trying to hurt her and leave her in the dust, use her, anything. I really am seeking a sincere relationship and nothing shady or suspicious.

 

This girl has a few different health problems, actually, that I didn't mention really. She has been very sick the past 3 days..

 

I don't want to lose this girl. I have let many girls fall through my hands before by just not giving a damn. But I don't want it to happen with this one.

 

So at what point SHOULD i initiate contact? Sometime tomorrow?

 

I was thinking of maybe saying a simple "Goodnight, sweet dreams"...

[boogieboy]

Dont be needy or clingy. She left you hanging, let her initiate the next contact. DOnt be tempted to jump on her when she pulls back. When shes ready to talk to you, she will hit you up. Let her miss you.

 

If she really likes you, she wont think up dopey reasons to not be with you.

[Blue Star Above]

So I shouldn't ever initiate contact again then? Just completely wait for her?

 

I have faith she will... I mean who would seriously flirt this much and talk this much and make all these cute little plans... I would always say things like "I want to go to < place >" and she'd always say "WE should go".

 

ALWAYS.

 

She always included herself.

 

I just hope I didn't screw anything up. I'm not good with girls like I used to be man. After I lost my last girlfriend, I really became a ****ing idiot when it came to picking up girls. I was so used to a relationship dynamic, that I don't know how to hook em and start from nothing again..........

 

P.S. boogie and soul.. you both know me.. this is an alternate account. I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. I will have your back on my real account.

[boogieboy]

Just wait like a few days for her. Im sure she will call tomorrow though.

[Trimmer]

So I said "Maybe we could be platonic friends to others, but to you and me, we could be more. That's just me though."

I don't think your suggestion was all that offensive, or anything that shuld make her uncomfortable. Actually, I think you softened it even a little too much with the "that's just me, though." You could have left that off and sounded more confident, but at least this way, it's softer.

 

But overall, I don't like the suggestion anyway. It sounds too much like you are kids playing some kind of a game, and I know you're not, and you don't want to come off that way, nor do you want a relationship to have that as its foundation.

 

What I think you should do is have a talk with her, and go in with the attitude that you'd like to try a serious, fun, mature, adult relationship. (Or call it "dating steadily" or "dating exclusively" or whatever works for you...) One of the things that means is that there is no guarantee about what may or may not happen in the future , but that's how adults start relationships. Dating is a test - to see what might happen - and you can't explore the full potential without taking some amount of risk. Again, that's how adults do it.

 

So my point is to go in proposing to try dating like grown-ups, no games, and see what happens. If you are confident in this, she should only like you more for it. You won't have to "play it" cool, you will be cool.

 

And, in addition, you haven't promised anything stupid ("I'll never break up with you...") but rather, you've given her a realistic, and hopefully attractive, perspective on early dating, and sort of moving up to a new level of maturity. Here's where your HUGE age difference (I'm joking...) actually may bring you an advantage - some perspective that you can share with her.

 

This way, you can make the point that you really do want to be with her, and are taking her seriously (instead of the "let's have a relationship but not tell anyone..." angle...) and if you can go in feeling confident about your position, and what you are offering, it won't come off as threatening or distant, as you were concerned about.

 

Bottom line: offer her to try dating as the adults that you are both becoming, and let her know that you two will figure out the obstacles (her parents?) together as they come along. No guarantees, but that's what dating is about: testing the water with each other, trying things out, and taking a risk that may result in a reward. For now, just take it one step at a time.

 

That's just me, though.