akazid Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Just go curious and intrigued by this website ... basically looking for an analysis of my situation and some decent advice. I'm a 25 yr. old male who graduated from college in 2007 with a BE and a ME in 4 years from college with a lot of work experience (2 years helpdesk, 1 year financial IT, 1 year pharmaceutical IT). Commuted to college for 4 years about 2 hours a day, worked anywhere from 15 hours to 25 hours a week and managed to take up to 28 credit hours a semester (Even while working 20-25 hours a week ...). I also am not a native English speaker and speak 2 languages fluently. After graduation I've managed to get a job that pays well and is extremely stable (Well, stable as long as I work a ton). Over the last 2 years I've managed to pay down my college debt by about 50% (15k), help my parents with debt (18.1K), and provide myself with a decent safety net if anything were to go wrong. My issue, I am pretty sure that I'm a workaholic but have further ambitions for law school but I have a few issues: 1.) I need to be extremely financially responsible because it appears that my parents aren't doing well financially and I'm basically their support if something goes wrong. My dad is literally 3-4 paychecks behind on pay due to his employer. 2.) I've been pretty much independent for the last 2 years and I find it extremely hard to see myself going to law school, working my job, being able to help my parents financially, having some sort of social life, being actually able to provide for myself while at it AND staying sane. 3.) I think my job takes out way too much of my energy and time (60+ hours [upt to 75+], I'm surprised I'm still here but then I see it as an opportunity to help parents as the job does pay 88k ... thus it does provide an ample cash flow ... for my age anyway) My concern is that if I maintain on my current track I will miss out in regards to dating/women/relationships. I also don't feel it would be appropriate for me to start anything serious since I probably won't be able to step up and support someone emotionally. Based on the tasks/goals I've set forth it would definitely be a big challenge. Furthermore, I have no problem meeting women but I just don't take the extra steps because of the goals I've outlined above (i.e. my workaholic tendencies?) and I have no intention of dragging someone through the mud in the next few years. Basically, by the time everything would settle for me I'd be 29/30/31 and potentially single. Do you see this as worth it? I do want a wife and kids in the future. That’s a definite. I'm debating this and I can't come to any decision. Family is pushing me for law school. I think it might be a better investment for me to invest more into a relationship/social life. Also, this one might come out of the blue BUT if I'd move to my "native country" I'd probably be golden since I can speak English extremely well and probably be as successful as I want to be without a law degree and the stress that might come with obtaining it. Any insights? Ideas? Suggested readings?
RA1 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I think I'm like you. I've always done pretty well in my studies and career but it's taken a huge effort and still does. Some people give the impression of managing effortlessly. Part of my work load is certainly due to my being a perfectionist but I'm never going to be any other way. I love my work and the idea of cutting down on quality to knock it out quicker is anathema to me. This probably doesn't help you at all but I wanted to say that you are not the only one with the problem. If you find a solution, please let me know!
westrock Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 It's all a matter of setting your priorities. You need to work on both career and dating/relationships. Having a successful career is a worthy goal to work towards and it sounds like you are a responsible and mature person. This will serve you well in your social life too. You are still young so you have plenty of time which means you can probably focus for the next few years more on building your career, however, as you've recognized life is not all about work so you still need to have a social life outside of work even for your own personal benefit. If your life's plans include getting married and having children one day, you need to put some effort now into also achieving those goals otherwise what's the point of having achieved career success but then you find out you are not happy in your personal life because you didn't spend enough time working on those goals also?
Blackfrost Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Part of my work load is certainly due to my being a perfectionist but I'm never going to be any other way. I love my work and the idea of cutting down on quality to knock it out quicker is anathema to me. This probably doesn't help you at all but I wanted to say that you are not the only one with the problem. This almost completely sums me up as well - but I DO have a family. The key to building a family with this type of work ethic, is to definitely find a partner who understands your passion for what you do, and supports you in your goals. It took the failure of a first marriage, for me to understand the type of person I needed to find as my lifetime partner. Once I found her, we've been married for fourteen years. Pick someone who compliments your style, has your back through good and bad times, and ultimately makes you stronger in your goals. Yes, I know this is easier said then done - but it can definitely be done "IF" you know who you are, know what you want to be, and don't settle for someone that tries to change you into a person that you aren't.
Author akazid Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 RA1 - thank you. Actually it does help because it shows that I'm not the only person who: 1.) Puts in a lot of effort and sees others appear to put in little effort. 2.) Total perfectionist - I though there's something wrong when I KNOW exactly what I can / cannot get away with but I still make it perfect anyway ... westrock - Yup, balance. It's definitely something I lack. The main issue though is I've noticed that people around me usually have the financial support that I don't. For example, I'm paying for college and will be paying for college. I cannot drop my job and go to law school. I have too many responsibilities. People around me CAN do that because their family has $$$ and they really do not have to keep their job. They can lose it any time of the day and still be happy. I really can't. So no balance for me for now ... Blackforest - Those are the qualities I've been actually looking for in a mate. As odd as it may sound I basically look for someone who is hardworking, realizes what may be required for success, and is supportive of ther people's goals. Have found such people and just keep in contact with them for not to see what kind of people from interacting with them before going further. Also, I took the "Myers-Briggs Personality Type" test and it said that I'm a "INTJ" which, based on Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTJ#Inferior:_Extraverted_sensing_.28Se.29) sort of described me exactly (scary). I – Introversion preferred to Extraversion: INTJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy). N – iNtuition preferred to Sensing: INTJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities. T – Thinking preferred to Feeling: INTJs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations. J – Judgment preferred to Perception: INTJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability, which to perceptive types may seem limiting. INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play... Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.
westrock Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 westrock - Yup, balance. It's definitely something I lack. The main issue though is I've noticed that people around me usually have the financial support that I don't. For example, I'm paying for college and will be paying for college. I cannot drop my job and go to law school. I have too many responsibilities. People around me CAN do that because their family has $$$ and they really do not have to keep their job. They can lose it any time of the day and still be happy. I really can't. So no balance for me for now ... Akazid, Don't be discouraged when you see other people around you who can quit their job because their family has $$$. When it comes to balance, work with whatever your current circumstances are. Even if you can only find an hour or so each week that you can squeeze in some leisure time that's still progress.
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