Solear Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think a lot of you will hate me for writing this. I started seeing a married woman from work. I had known her for two years and knew she was unhappy in her marriage. There was no illicit first time, we just grew as friends and she began to help me in my personal life. She then told me she loved me and wanted to take things further. I have always felt guilty about seeing her while she was married I was brought up better than that and have always been an ardent believer in not cheating. I love her so much though. within a month she was asking me to run away with her and told me she wanted my children. I am thirty she is thirty nine. I always said I would never run away or get her pregnant while she was still married and that she should leave and then decide that she wants me properly. She has helped me with so many things and I have been there for her through everything believing that her husband couldn't care less about her. She recently had a miscarriage (mine) and a week after telling me we can try again, she has left me. I'm completely blindsided. I have been led to believe that I was the love of her life. and now she said she cant leave her husband (who she doesnt love and leave her stepkids) to be with me. I feel so used. am so twisted inside with feelings of betrayal and sadness. The doctor has put me on valium to help me stop crying so much. What do i do?
2sure Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You said you were raised better than to compromise yourself by seeing a married woman. But you did it anyway. You said you would not consider children or a life with her until she divorced... But you did it anyway. Stop hurting yourself. When you know something is wrong and bad for you...dont do it. Normally it would seem you were manipulated, but it sounds like you had your eyes wide open...you have done more to yourself than she has done to you. She does sound like a drama queen and may not even have been pregnant. Forgive yourself and use the experience to grow.
Thaddeus Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 What do i do?You get on your knees and thank your god or your lucky stars or whatever you happen to pray to that you've avoided decades worth of drama, a bitter ex-husband and her erratic emotionality. I don't say this with irony. I'm sorry you're hurting and I can sincerely relate to losing someone you thought was "the one." (There's no such thing, really, but that's another topic for another thread.) Fact is, though, that she probably never had any intentions of leaving her husband and simply used you to get some of her emotional and sexual needs met.
Author Solear Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I did have my eyes open, but I was acting in her best interests as well, we spent the best part of two years together, I listened to her pining for a child, she told me she loved me more than anything. They're not even her kids they're her husbands. I wont deny I was attracted to her greatly. but I'm so confused how could someone do this after all this time? how could they just blank you. how cruel can a person get ?
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 How many years has she been married? Doesn't matter if they aren't "her" kids, flesh and blood, she is still stepmom to those kids. She isn't doing this on purpose to screw you over and hurt you on purpose, she's just being SELFISH and isn't thinking of ANYONE but herself. She doesn't care about the pain and devastation this will cause her husband (cheating on him for 2 years with you) and she certainly doesn't care how much pain you're in either. I have to ask, her miscarriage - She's told you it was yours, but how do you know for sure? It could have been her husbands. Also, how was she able to hide this recent miscarriage from her husband?
Author Solear Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 she had been married thirteen years, and her husband had a vasectomy, she fainted in work was the first we knew she was pregnant, not long after she had the miscarriage. she originally told me she'd phoned her mum to pick her up but after we split i took a letter round to her mums to ask her why, and on speaking to her mum she said she knew nothing of the miscarriage. when i challenged her, she told me her husband had took her to the hospital but she didnt want to tell me. because shed knew id be upset knowing someone else was there with her. It's completely messing with my mind. I dont know what to believe anymore. I keep going over things shed told me and i dont know whether any of its true or not. my whole world is just crashing around me.
stuckinoz Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I always said I would never run away or get her pregnant while she was still married and that she should leave and then decide that she wants me properly. So where does the "her leaving her husband" & "properly" being together - if you've already gotten her pregnant? I highly doubt she was pregnant in the first place (sorry - speculation) She seems to be lying to you left & right. You don't see that? I'd guess she's lying about her not being in love with her husband as well. Sorry for you that you have to endure this - but as Thaddeus said - You really should be thanking your lucky stars.
Gamine Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think a lot of you will hate me for writing this. I started seeing a married woman from work. I had known her for two years and knew she was unhappy in her marriage. There was no illicit first time, we just grew as friends and she began to help me in my personal life. She then told me she loved me and wanted to take things further. I have always felt guilty about seeing her while she was married I was brought up better than that and have always been an ardent believer in not cheating. I love her so much though. within a month she was asking me to run away with her and told me she wanted my children. I am thirty she is thirty nine. I always said I would never run away or get her pregnant while she was still married and that she should leave and then decide that she wants me properly. She has helped me with so many things and I have been there for her through everything believing that her husband couldn't care less about her. She recently had a miscarriage (mine) and a week after telling me we can try again, she has left me. I'm completely blindsided. I have been led to believe that I was the love of her life. and now she said she cant leave her husband (who she doesnt love and leave her stepkids) to be with me. I feel so used. am so twisted inside with feelings of betrayal and sadness. The doctor has put me on valium to help me stop crying so much. What do i do? You should thank God above that you were spared taking this relationship further. I cannot even imagine the horror of having to be tied to this woman through a child for the rest of your life. Some people are what I call 'Monets'. They look beautiful at a distance, but up close it's chaos. Instead of pining over her, be thankful you learned the truth about her... she is a cake eater.
fooled once Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I did have my eyes open, but I was acting in her best interests as well, we spent the best part of two years together, I listened to her pining for a child, she told me she loved me more than anything. They're not even her kids they're her husbands. I wont deny I was attracted to her greatly. but I'm so confused how could someone do this after all this time? how could they just blank you. how cruel can a person get ? Obviously, some people are truly cruel. You went against everything you believed in for a liar. Did you think that with you she wouldn't lie? Did she feed you the line of not having sex with her husband? Are you SURE it was your child? You can't be sure unless there was a DNA test. I am very sorry you are hurting. But, look for the silver lining -- now, you WILL stick to your guns and NOT get involved with someone who is already committed to someone else. Rarely do these situations work out good.
fooled once Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 she had been married thirteen years, and her husband had a vasectomy, she fainted in work was the first we knew she was pregnant, not long after she had the miscarriage. she originally told me she'd phoned her mum to pick her up but after we split i took a letter round to her mums to ask her why, and on speaking to her mum she said she knew nothing of the miscarriage. when i challenged her, she told me her husband had took her to the hospital but she didnt want to tell me. because shed knew id be upset knowing someone else was there with her. It's completely messing with my mind. I dont know what to believe anymore. I keep going over things shed told me and i dont know whether any of its true or not. my whole world is just crashing around me. And really - you don't know she had a miscarriage. That could be another lie she told you. You spoke to her MOTHER about her being pregnant with your child???? A small piece of advice while you are trying to decipher how much of a liar she is --- go for pretty much everything.
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