I am a hairs-breadth away from saying "screw it"...

[Drew2073]

I am a hair's breadth from giving up on finding a girl. Screw it. I have my eharmony and match.com accounts but only until they run out because I cancelled them. I would get into a good rapport with a girl online, I would think we have a lot in common....then I release my picture to her.

 

<crickets crickets crickets>

 

I would get to know someone through a group or work, then ask her to join me for coffee...

 

"You're sweet, but I'm just not interested in you that way."

 

Right now I have a mixture of depression and seething inside. I feel I have one final option -www.lotsofevents.com- and if that doesn't work by this time next year, I'm going to give up for good and die alone.

 

It's not that I can't take rejection, but it wasn't just one girl, it was practically every one. Yes, it's true that sometimes I would get to a few dates but nothing beyond that. I guess I have trouble being romantically intimate, but on the other hand if I would find someone that after a few dates I felt I could develop feelings for, it was not mutual. I just can't find anyone who "likes me for me" and I feel if I have to change myself too much for a girl to like me, it's simply not worth it. I think I'm a nice guy, but I guess that's the reason why no one is interested because women are simply not interested in "nice."

 

I don't like to drink and loathe the "cattle call" atmosphere of singles bars. Up to two months ago I had my picture hidden on eharmony, would receive several interests a month Almost invariably the girl would pull a disappearing act as soon as I released my picture, so I decided make my picture visible all the time.

 

The interest notices dropped by 95%.

 

What finally set me off was that girl in Texas I had posted previous messages about. I decided I had to face reality and asked her whether she would ever be interested in starting anything. She responded "I'm not interested." I realized that she is in Texas, but honestly thought that we could use the Internet and occasional visits to at least give it a try because as the saying goes "there's no harm in trying." In addition, I thought there was a strong possibility that her post-Army job search would bring her up here where we could work from that foundation that had been started. I guess I was wrong, nobody ever wants to give anything a try even when it involves little more than the occasional email, Skype, IM chat or even a dinner or coffee that they wouldn't have to pay for. All I propose sometimes is to have a girl meet me for coffee or dinner and perhaps a movie, but no, even getting something for free and having a possible good time (horror of horrors!!!) with no further obligations if she decides not to continue beyond that is apparently "too much" to even consider.

[DSM-IV]

It's possible that what you wrote, just doesn't coincide with how you look. Perhaps how you act, just doesn't match your looks.

 

Post a pic, and let's see.

[Chicago_Guy]

You should have displayed your photos on your profile from the start. Why hide them at the beginning?

[stace79]

I am a hair's breadth from giving up on finding a girl. Screw it. I have my eharmony and match.com accounts but only until they run out because I cancelled them. I would get into a good rapport with a girl online, I would think we have a lot in common....then I release my picture to her.

 

<crickets crickets crickets>

 

I would get to know someone through a group or work, then ask her to join me for coffee...

 

"You're sweet, but I'm just not interested in you that way."

 

Right now I have a mixture of depression and seething inside. I feel I have one final option -www.lotsofevents.com- and if that doesn't work by this time next year, I'm going to give up for good and die alone.

 

It's not that I can't take rejection, but it wasn't just one girl, it was practically every one. Yes, it's true that sometimes I would get to a few dates but nothing beyond that. I guess I have trouble being romantically intimate, but on the other hand if I would find someone that after a few dates I felt I could develop feelings for, it was not mutual. I just can't find anyone who "likes me for me" and I feel if I have to change myself too much for a girl to like me, it's simply not worth it. I think I'm a nice guy, but I guess that's the reason why no one is interested because women are simply not interested in "nice."

 

I don't like to drink and loathe the "cattle call" atmosphere of singles bars. Up to two months ago I had my picture hidden on eharmony, would receive several interests a month Almost invariably the girl would pull a disappearing act as soon as I released my picture, so I decided make my picture visible all the time.

 

The interest notices dropped by 95%.

 

What finally set me off was that girl in Texas I had posted previous messages about. I decided I had to face reality and asked her whether she would ever be interested in starting anything. She responded "I'm not interested." I realized that she is in Texas, but honestly thought that we could use the Internet and occasional visits to at least give it a try because as the saying goes "there's no harm in trying." In addition, I thought there was a strong possibility that her post-Army job search would bring her up here where we could work from that foundation that had been started. I guess I was wrong, nobody ever wants to give anything a try even when it involves little more than the occasional email, Skype, IM chat or even a dinner or coffee that they wouldn't have to pay for. All I propose sometimes is to have a girl meet me for coffee or dinner and perhaps a movie, but no, even getting something for free and having a possible good time (horror of horrors!!!) with no further obligations if she decides not to continue beyond that is apparently "too much" to even consider.

 

Well one thing I will say is that when I was on dating sites I would never respond to anyone who didn't have at least three or four pictures available. You just can't force physical attraction. And just one picture doesn't usually do it either.

 

Second, maybe you are searching too hard for a girlfriend. Why not just try to take up some hobbies for fun? An art class, a group sport league, music lessons, church... there are a number of ways to meet people in a setting that is not overly intimidating and to just develop friendships and see where it goes.

[Thaddeus]

You have to remember that women on dating sites are AVALANCHED with contacts. A dear friend of mine decided to try it out just for a week or so (I think she went on Plenty of Fish but I may be wrong on that) and was flabbergasted by the number of men that wanted to meet her. It didn't hurt that she's very attractive and had posted a good picture (not revealing or anything, just a very nice photo). But the attention was just too much and she cancelled her membership after about 6 days. She said she received no fewer than 100 attempts at contact per day.

 

She decided to just forget about it entirely and now meets people in person, through friends and whatnot (she doesn't do bars or clubs, and I can't blame her since they're worst place to meet a potential partner).

 

So it may very well have nothing whatsoever to do with your profile or picture, it's just that you're one fish (so to speak) out of scores, maybe hundreds, of guys trying to initiate contact.

 

It's hard not to take it personally, I know, but it really isn't personal. They haven't even gotten to know you yet, so how could it be?

I think I'm a nice guy, but I guess that's the reason why no one is interested because women are simply not interested in "nice."

Now that might be part of the problem. "Nice guys" are at the bottom of the dating pool. Sure, women from far and wide will all say they want a gentle, sensitive man who's attentive to their needs and is romantic and all the rest... and who do these very same women gravitate to? The 'bad boy.' It happens so often it's become cliché.

 

I'm not suggesting that you become a 'bad boy' - hey, I spent some time working in the prison system, so trust me on this, if a woman wants a true bad boy she should hang out by the prison exit on release days - but I am suggesting that you try to develop something unique about yourself that gives you an edge.

 

It could be damn near anything. Take a course in medieval philosophy. Learn a language. Figure out how to juggle. Get your motorcycle license. Take flying lessons. Attend culinary school and become an exquisite cook (look what that did for that potty-mouth, Gordon Ramsay!).

 

But don't do it because it will attract women, but because it will make you a better man. Be that better man and the rest will fall into place naturally.

 

I know it sounds hackneyed and cliché as well, but it has the added benefit of happening to be true.

[Phateless]

1. Get a makeover. Seriously. Go to a trendy store and ask the hottest sales girl there to "make you look hot."

2. Get your ass in shape! Join a gym, lift weights, eat right, run and do cardio, lose weight, get your body into an attractive state.

3. Hygiene! Get your hair cut, get your body hair dealt with if it's out of control. Get contacts if you have glasses.

4. CONFIDENCE!! Take up some new hobbies that make you feel self-actualized. Find something that makes you passionate and feel strong inside.

5. Expand your social circle. Activity groups are a great way to meet people. For me, it was swing and salsa dancing.

6. Learn to flirt. Seriously. Read up on it, it WILL help.

 

This can be done.

[BCCA]

Your problem is that you are limitting your way of meeting girls. By only doing the online thing, you are severely hurting your chances of success. First, any half way decent girl is going to get no less than 50-100 emails a DAY, like Thaddeus said. Even if you are gorgeous and came up with the most awesome email ever, she might not ever notice it. Also, realize that many people use online dating as a 'last ditch' way of getting a date. Fact it, women have it way better off there than we do, and they know that they can get attention pretty easily.

 

Your picture is also your biggest marketing ploy. Show it to friends and coworkers, and ask them their honest opinion. You would be surprised how the pictures you thought were good look terrible to other people. Ask people to be brutally honest. Think of it like you going to find an apartment or a car, even if one looks good in writing, if the pics no good, youre not interested.

 

Your self esteem is probably in the toilet right now, isnt it? I can tell by the 'if this doesnt work im done' attitude, because Ive had it myself MANY times. But it doesnt help, it works against you. Remember, its a game of averages, the more women you talk to, the better your chance of finding someone good for you. If you talk to 1 woman online, and she ends up going MIA, then youre back to square one with nothing. Try talking to women as much as you can. A good exercise is to try and make some sort of convo with 10 women in a week/day, and dont ask ANY of them for their number (obviously, if its like an amazing connection go ahead, but the point is more to build confidence than to get dates). When you go into a situation expecting worse case scenario, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You expect things to go bad, so you do things to push them that way, even if you dont mean to.

 

If youre only meeting women online, you are already WAY behind the 8-ball. Women are there more for an OPTION, like I said - if they are even sorta kinda cute, they are getting hit on in real life often. When you make it your ONLY way to meet women, naturally youre going to be sort of desperate. Afterall, its that or nothing.

 

Right now I have a mixture of depression and seething inside

 

One is causing the other. You are depsperate, and come across that way to women, and when they no doubt reject you (women can SMELL depsperation and it turns the off immediately), you become angry, and think they are all b*****s who just want a rich arrogant jerk. This is not true at all. What they want is a confident guy who doesnt care if they shoot him down, because he can find many other girls who wont. When you make it seem like being rejected ruins your week or even day, it shows a very low level of confidence.

 

Here is what you need to do, and I know because it helped me:

 

1. Stop looking for a date.

2. Do what makes YOU happy.

3. Read 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Glover.

4. Realize that you are going to be turned down 10 times for every 1 that doesnt. Thats life. You wouldnt go out with just any girl either, would you?

5. Talk to women with no intention of asking them out long enough to find a groove, and see how easy it really is. Asking for numbers kills it, because youre either going to be so happy you got one that you stop looking or youre going to be rejected and feel like crap.

6. IF you get a number, look for another one. Always have 3+ women on your mind, so if one turns you down its not the end of the world.

7. Take a deep breath, and realize that being alone isnt so bad

[Thaddeus]

3. Read 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Glover.

I heartily endorse this book/website/message board. Go check it out.

[Drew2073]

It's possible that what you wrote, just doesn't coincide with how you look. Perhaps how you act, just doesn't match your looks.

 

Post a pic, and let's see.

 

 

[COLOR=#0066cc]<a href="http://s538.photobucket.com/albums/ff346/spectre73/?action=view&current=s645513052_843290_4268.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i538.photobucket.com/albums/ff346/spectre73/s645513052_843290_4268.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>[/COLOR][url=http://s538.photobucket.com/albums/ff346/spectre73/?action=view&current=s645513052_843290_4268.jpg][/url]

[New Again]

 

Tiny tiny picture.....looks like you're really NICE though! Bitter and down does not look good on you.

[Drew2073]

Tiny tiny picture.....looks like you're really NICE though! Bitter and down does not look good on you.

 

Try this:

 

http://s538.photobucket.com/albums/ff346/spectre73/?action=view&current=s645513052_843290_4268.jpg

This forum simply does not allow posting of a decent picture or link to one.

[New Again]

Try this:

 

http://s538.photobucket.com/albums/ff346/spectre73/?action=view&current=s645513052_843290_4268.jpg

This forum simply does not allow posting of a decent picture or link to one.

 

It's the same size

[BCCA]

I'm a straight guy, and I'll just say it, that picture is no good. Its too small, you cant tell what you look like, and you cant tell how large you are. Thats never going to work. On top of that, you look like this was taken at a funeral.

 

Get a picture of you doing something fun, and make sure its bigger than 1inchx1inch. Dont you see how women have like 5+ pics of them everytime? Thats what they expect.

 

If I got an equivilant pic from a woman, I would think they were trying to hide something.

[bean1]

Sorry you are going through this Drew. I would suggest a break from online dating and perhaps finding alternate methods. For what it's worth, my partner was about to give up (logged in & got ready to cancel his Lavalife subscription) and sent me a message for the hell of it. Anyways we've been together a long time now and have a little one together. It took him 2 years - he had trouble meeting women and was feeling about as low as you by the end of it. Good luck!

[Drew2073]

I'm a straight guy, and I'll just say it, that picture is no good. Its too small, you cant tell what you look like, and you cant tell how large you are. Thats never going to work. On top of that, you look like this was taken at a funeral.

 

Get a picture of you doing something fun, and make sure its bigger than 1inchx1inch. Dont you see how women have like 5+ pics of them everytime? Thats what they expect.

 

If I got an equivilant pic from a woman, I would think they were trying to hide something.

 

 

It's this **forum.*** You can't attach a pic, there are no IMG tags and trying to link gets nowhere but a tiny pic!!!

[Drew2073]

OOO-KAY...lets see if THIS works!

 

http://i538.photobucket.com/albums/ff346/spectre73/me.jpg

[You'reasian]

I am a hair's breadth from giving up on finding a girl. Screw it. I have my eharmony and match.com accounts but only until they run out because I cancelled them. I would get into a good rapport with a girl online, I would think we have a lot in common....then I release my picture to her.

 

<crickets crickets crickets>

 

I would get to know someone through a group or work, then ask her to join me for coffee...

 

"You're sweet, but I'm just not interested in you that way."

 

Right now I have a mixture of depression and seething inside. I feel I have one final option -www.lotsofevents.com- and if that doesn't work by this time next year, I'm going to give up for good and die alone.

 

It's not that I can't take rejection, but it wasn't just one girl, it was practically every one. Yes, it's true that sometimes I would get to a few dates but nothing beyond that. I guess I have trouble being romantically intimate, but on the other hand if I would find someone that after a few dates I felt I could develop feelings for, it was not mutual. I just can't find anyone who "likes me for me" and I feel if I have to change myself too much for a girl to like me, it's simply not worth it. I think I'm a nice guy, but I guess that's the reason why no one is interested because women are simply not interested in "nice."

 

I don't like to drink and loathe the "cattle call" atmosphere of singles bars. Up to two months ago I had my picture hidden on eharmony, would receive several interests a month Almost invariably the girl would pull a disappearing act as soon as I released my picture, so I decided make my picture visible all the time.

 

The interest notices dropped by 95%.

 

What finally set me off was that girl in Texas I had posted previous messages about. I decided I had to face reality and asked her whether she would ever be interested in starting anything. She responded "I'm not interested." I realized that she is in Texas, but honestly thought that we could use the Internet and occasional visits to at least give it a try because as the saying goes "there's no harm in trying." In addition, I thought there was a strong possibility that her post-Army job search would bring her up here where we could work from that foundation that had been started. I guess I was wrong, nobody ever wants to give anything a try even when it involves little more than the occasional email, Skype, IM chat or even a dinner or coffee that they wouldn't have to pay for. All I propose sometimes is to have a girl meet me for coffee or dinner and perhaps a movie, but no, even getting something for free and having a possible good time (horror of horrors!!!) with no further obligations if she decides not to continue beyond that is apparently "too much" to even consider.

 

You're getting incongruent responses from women.

 

Most girls are "too busy" to do much more.

 

You're past the bar scene.

 

Refine your search to some critical qualities that you seek in your women. Raise the bar. Change your venues - find your sweet spot. The bar scene is a nice place to unwind with your buddies, but terrible when it comes to finding quality women for lots of reasons.

[Lucky_One]

I looked at your Photobucket site, and I am guessing that perhaps the women you are contacting are not as interested as you are in as heavy a gamelife as you may be portraying yourself as being involved in. Are there gaming meetup sites that may be better suited for you?

[BCCA]

I still think youre limiting yourself too much be ONLY going the online route. You, as a guy, are at a big disadvantage. You also should think of less cliche, lets meet for coffee or dinner, date ideas.

 

If you are hell bent on finfing love online, everything Ive seen said to expect it to take at least 2 years of trying. If you cant handle that, like I said, expand your search.

[Drew2073]

I looked at your Photobucket site, and I am guessing that perhaps the women you are contacting are not as interested as you are in as heavy a gamelife as you may be portraying yourself as being involved in. Are there gaming meetup sites that may be better suited for you?

 

 

I mention computer gaming in my profile but only as one of several hobbies and interests. I never mention it otherwise unless she starts a related topic. Which, suffice it to say, never happens.

[stepka]

Drew, from what I can tell from the pic, you are a nice looking guy. I suspect that it may not be the best picture you can come up with though. First of all, get a photographer friend to take a lot of pix of you and help you pick out the best ones--then post them right up front--I always suspect married when a man doesn't have a pic and I don't respond to them at all. You look a little bit nerdy, but I tend to prefer those kind myself and some other women do too--so it doesn't hurt to play that up in your profile and then to look for the more intelligent women.

 

About the pix also--the first time I put a profile on cupid I found what I thought was a great picture of me, but I almost never heard from anyone, though my friends are always telling me that I'm very pretty and look great for my age--most people guess me to be 10 years younger. But then I got a much better pic and posted it and got a lot more responses, though they certainly never approached 100/day! 5/day would have been a good day--could be my age, or maybe I'm not as attractive as friends say I am, but I have dated some good looking men (and younger ones too), so who knows. Also, one very good looking man said that he was too intimidated to write for the first couple of months, so that could explain it too, but my point is that at times it's hard to figure out what is going on.

[BCCA]

I mention computer gaming in my profile but only as one of several hobbies and interests. I never mention it otherwise unless she starts a related topic. Which, suffice it to say, never happens.

 

Do yourself a favor. Remove any mention of online gaming from your profile. I just asked 5 women who sit near me at work what they would think if online gaming was under some guys hobbies on a dating website, and they all said 'no thanks'. Its fine if thats something you do on your own time, but you are basically marketing yourself to single women with other options. Online gaming is not really going to be a turn on or add attraction.

 

Pick out your best pics, and get help writing the rest of your profile. You cant keep doing the same thing, its obviously not working. So you have to change it up, or give up. Im hoping you dont give up, you just need a little help to get you going.

 

Seriously, for like $50 there is a woman who will write your profile for you, and help you write emails. I did it myself, and actually started getting women winking at me on match (which never happened, and i never got any responses on prior to hiring her) Its like e-flirt or something like that, I can get the website for you if you want.

[bean1]

Do yourself a favor. Remove any mention of online gaming from your profile. I just asked 5 women who sit near me at work what they would think if online gaming was under some guys hobbies on a dating website, and they all said 'no thanks'. Its fine if thats something you do on your own time, but you are basically marketing yourself to single women with other options. Online gaming is not really going to be a turn on or add attraction.

.

 

I would x2 this. In general, a lot of women like reading trash celebrity gossip magazines or wandering around the mall for hours with their girlfriends as a hobby, but we don't put it on our profiles to attract single men It's just one of those things...

[Drew2073]

Its like e-flirt or something like that, I can get the website for you if you want.

 

 

Yes, please. I'm willing to try pretty much anything.

[wontgohomewou]

Start running and working out religiously for a year and you will have girls left and right.