JLT123 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. We had kept in contact off and on. The last time we spoke civily to each other she indicated she didn't know or couldn't tell if the feelings were there (she was saying last January that she will always love me, but just can't be with me). She said almost two months ago she wouldn't be forgetting our conversation for a while, and she would think about going to the concert with me I bought tickets for. A little over a month ago she told me she met someone else, slept with him, threw it in my face she took him to a baseball game and I never did (even though I took her to FLA 3 times, Universal Studios, weekend getaways at the Casino, etc.) She changed her cell phone number and the conversation ended ugly. Well, I was able to get her new cell number through other means and she doesn't know it. I've had it for about 4 weeks now and haven't tried to call. I really want to talk to her, not only to try and end things without burning bridges, but to at least say a few things I didn't get to say before. I know this is a stupid question, but bad idea? It's been eating away at me for so long now I honestly don't know what to do.
DSM-IV Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 No, it's a lovely idea to come off as a psychotic, needy, desperate stalker who she cannot escape from despite obvious actions to. And also, it is a great idea to reward her for cheating on you, by trying to end things on a nice note. Go for it!
Author JLT123 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 She didn't cheat on me... we were broken up. And I know how it looks, which is why I haven't done it.
moo Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well I'm sure I look like a crazy bitch to my ex, but I pretty much don't care. However, I did respect some limits. I did not try to get his new address. I did not call his job. I did not go to his city and seek him out. I did not send letters to his job. I did not snail mail him at all. I think getting her number by other means is crossing the line. Even if you are in pain, you still have to respect some boundries.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 boundaries be damned u crossed all that when u wrote the NEW PHONE NUMBER down... i see police and charges in ur future... please LET IT GO
frustrated&sad Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 JLT, For your own peace of mind, you should burn the number. Try to let it go and be at peace. Even if you said all the things you want to, the hurt/pain/anger will still be there. It really doesn't make that big a difference. Bow out graciously.
DustySaltus Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 When my ex-fiance kicked me out of her apartment in Israel I went to the ticket window at the airport where they told me that a round trip ticket was cheaper than a one way ticket. They gave me a "return" date of July 25th, just because they had to, not because I was coming back. Well, sure enough July 25th comes around and I was ready to leave my job and everything here, be completely left with nothing and try to get someone back that had did some real messed up stuff to me. What are you trying to accomplish by calling her? There are just too many things that could happen to you...mostly all of them bad. Can you imagine me just showing up from 5000 miles away and knocking on her door unannounced? And even if she did embrace me is this someone that I really want to be with anyway? I probably could get her back if I got on a plane too, but I would be slapping myself in the face because I would just be trying to see if I COULD get her back if I wanted, not because she really may be the right person for me. But I go through these moments like you, with the phone number in my hand ready to call......but I never do. I know its hard but do not do it. Just post on here.
moo Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Everytime I contact my ex, I am a basket case within one to three days after contacting him. I'm more at peace when I don't contact him. Been back on the NC wagon for almost a week and a half. I don't want to go back there. I want to stay in the light and not go back to the darkness. I got urges thruout the weekend to contact, but did deep breathing instead.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 i love this site... really!!! i can see all my issues - from here... and there are plenty of them... moo!! gurl u r the bomb.. ur ex was a freak!!
GrayClouds Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 burning the number, burn the bridges, burn your hope. in her attempt to be nice to you she led you on, now she is being mean hoping you get the point. the only thing left for you is to experience the hurt and possible learn from it. do not contact her.
boogieboy Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 No, it's a lovely idea to come off as a psychotic, needy, desperate stalker who she cannot escape from despite obvious actions to. And also, it is a great idea to reward her for cheating on you, by trying to end things on a nice note. Go for it! JLT, Ill amend this to work with your situation : Its a great idea to reward her; for throwing her new BF in your face, and changing her number to cut you off; by trying to end things on a nice note. You can call her, but since she didnt give you the number, she wont let you get a word in, and you wont be able to have this closure that you think you need. Write her an email. But know that its just going out into the abyss and she might not read it. Write the email to get it off your chest so you can move on, and know that you will NEVER talk to her again.
Author JLT123 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 The worst thing is I have met other people in an attempt to move on and nothing really works. I have met one person that I have been getting along with rather well. I suppose the biggest thing here is that we were together for 3 years, and I originally did the breaking up. We got back together and I got a DUI the day after Thanksgiving. She left me in jail and told me we were done right then and there. When I told her I was preparing to propose to her on Christmas Day, she changed her mind for all of 24 hours, then went right back to telling me we were done. I spent the last 6 months doing everything I shouldn't do.. begging, pleading, bought her flowers, $300 earring imported from Greece.. she would tell me she promises to think about things, have one conversation with her friend, and go right back to telling me we're through. I have a strong feeling much of it is 'wanting what I can't have'.. or maybe getting the last word in. I have not shown up to her house unannounced or anything, never threatened her in anyway.. I never even attempted to call her home phone line. I suppose my biggest thing is understanding why she felt the need to end things so ugly.. my guess was in an attempt to push me away in the only way she knew how, which was trying to break my heart, so I wouldn't attempt to sabotauge thing with whomever she's seeing, which I'm not that petty.
moo Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 i love this site... really!!! i can see all my issues - from here... and there are plenty of them... moo!! gurl u r the bomb.. ur ex was a freak!! Thanks ScarLettIsle. You are funny.
moo Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 We got back together and I got a DUI the day after Thanksgiving. She left me in jail and told me we were done right then and there. Maybe she had a really hard time getting past that. Maybe she thought she could, but then decided she could not. Is this possible?
GrayClouds Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 The worst thing is I have met other people in an attempt to move on and nothing really works. I have met one person that I have been getting along with rather well. I suppose the biggest thing here is that we were together for 3 years, and I originally did the breaking up. We got back together and I got a DUI the day after Thanksgiving. She left me in jail and told me we were done right then and there. When I told her I was preparing to propose to her on Christmas Day, she changed her mind for all of 24 hours, then went right back to telling me we were done. I spent the last 6 months doing everything I shouldn't do.. begging, pleading, bought her flowers, $300 earring imported from Greece.. she would tell me she promises to think about things, have one conversation with her friend, and go right back to telling me we're through. I have a strong feeling much of it is 'wanting what I can't have'.. or maybe getting the last word in. I have not shown up to her house unannounced or anything, never threatened her in anyway.. I never even attempted to call her home phone line. I suppose my biggest thing is understanding why she felt the need to end things so ugly.. my guess was in an attempt to push me away in the only way she knew how, which was trying to break my heart, so I wouldn't attempt to sabotauge thing with whomever she's seeing, which I'm not that petty. likely the reason she ended it the way she did is because she did not have the strength to do it respectfully. She knew how to to it better but chose not to. it about the quality person she is not rather then the quality of person you are. more impotently now you have the time and space to figure out why you felt you need to work so hard for her love. and learn that you can not handle your drinking. your not meeting other people to move on but to replace her or distract yourself, neither one is good.
Author JLT123 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Maybe she had a really hard time getting past that. Maybe she thought she could, but then decided she could not. Is this possible? Well she did not like the fact that when we went out sometimes I would have a few too many.. when we got back together, she asked that I only have a couple when we go out, which I was respectful about and abided by. When this went down, I wasn't actually driving, but pulled my car over because I felt myself falling asleep. Next thing I know there was a police officer knocking on my car window. I had 4 glasses of wine in a span of 3 hours.
Author JLT123 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Yes and I blew 3 points over the legal limit. Had I pulled my keys out of the ignition nothing would've happened to me, but since it was 30 degrees out I needed to keep the heat on.
nature Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 JLT, why did you break up with her in the first place, and when was this? Please, please oh please, do not call her new cell number. I have a feeling she will call the police. She is angry towards you right now, for whatever reason. Give this all a breather and give her some space. Her anger will cool in a few months. People can only stay angry for so long. But if you keep approaching her while she's angry, I guarantee you will not like the outcome. Be the bigger person. Respect the fact she does not want to speak to you right now. Disappear for awhile completely. I guarantee that in a while, if she is like the norm of women, she will start to wonder what you are doing and where you are at. You need to take back some of your "power and self esteem" and stop this desperate, stalker behaviour now. PLEASE.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 OUCH... i hope u got a hell'va attorney - i got busted a week after i moved back home i blew a .04 - but um these people acting like i crashed or killed someone.. i did a california roll at a STOP SIGN...
trueblue72ny Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. We had kept in contact off and on. The last time we spoke civily to each other she indicated she didn't know or couldn't tell if the feelings were there (she was saying last January that she will always love me, but just can't be with me). She said almost two months ago she wouldn't be forgetting our conversation for a while, and she would think about going to the concert with me I bought tickets for. A little over a month ago she told me she met someone else, slept with him, threw it in my face she took him to a baseball game and I never did (even though I took her to FLA 3 times, Universal Studios, weekend getaways at the Casino, etc.) She changed her cell phone number and the conversation ended ugly. Well, I was able to get her new cell number through other means and she doesn't know it. I've had it for about 4 weeks now and haven't tried to call. I really want to talk to her, not only to try and end things without burning bridges, but to at least say a few things I didn't get to say before. I know this is a stupid question, but bad idea? It's been eating away at me for so long now I honestly don't know what to do. with everyone else here who says dont call. lose the number. just my two cents.
Author JLT123 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 JLT, why did you break up with her in the first place, and when was this? Please, please oh please, do not call her new cell number. I have a feeling she will call the police. She is angry towards you right now, for whatever reason. Give this all a breather and give her some space. Her anger will cool in a few months. People can only stay angry for so long. But if you keep approaching her while she's angry, I guarantee you will not like the outcome. Be the bigger person. Respect the fact she does not want to speak to you right now. Disappear for awhile completely. I guarantee that in a while, if she is like the norm of women, she will start to wonder what you are doing and where you are at. You need to take back some of your "power and self esteem" and stop this desperate, stalker behaviour now. PLEASE. I broke up with her first the February before last I believe. For the first two years of our relationship I did nothing but spend every minute I had with her, and devoted myself to her completely. I have a son and she was a part of his life, I was very close with her family, spending every holiday with them, and they welcomed my son into their family unconditionally. My parents even met her parents because we were so serious about getting engaged. Eventually, I started seeing things in her I found to be concerning. Very reactive and judgemental behavior. She claimed after the fact that a lot of it had to do with my drinking, which really wasn't all that bad, unless you conisder cutting loose one day on the weekend. When we went down to visit my family in Florida for Christmas, I promised her I wouldn't party on vacation like I usually do (I mean, who doesn't drink while on vacation?).. for an entire week, I did not drink practically at all, save for maybe one day with my dad during a football game. We somehow managed to fight almost everyday. This was the 3rd time she came down to FLA to visit with the family. It came to a head when I mentioned one day that I felt alone up here sometimes since all my friends are back in FLA, and she mentioned that "I should be enough for you.".. then when I had one of my only friends up here come into visit for a weekend, she went completely of on me the next day, eventually saying, "Why do you make me say such horrible things to you?" No accountability for her actions whatsoever.. I reached a boiling point, and suggested ending things. She begged me not to do it.. we got back together, then I ended it for good not long after. I suppose I finally came to the conclusion over the summer that I really did love her, and missed everything we had. We got back together and things were going well. She told me all the time she could see I changed my drinking habits, but would continue to get angry with me whenever I did anything that didn't involve her. I was looking forward to committing myself long term, and was paying to have my grandmother's diamond refurbished to surprise her on Christmas day, then this all happpened. Also, I agree about waiting. This last situation went down at the end of June, so it's been about a month and a half of me not talking to her. She said some ugly, ugly things to me, and sent me into a hole of darkness and depression I have never really experienced in my life. I'm hoping this thing with this new person is just a rebound that won't last.. I honestly don't know. There's a good possibility we end up seeing each other out, which I don't want to happen. I was thinking maybe trying to reconnect with her around her Birthday in October, but even then might be too soon. I'm really not a stalker.. finding out her new number I wasn't proud of, but I was just in a emotionally charged state and was hurting bad.
angelface78 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Dont you dare call this woman!!! She will think u are psycho...trust me...it cannot end well if you call. She will be pissed that u got her number. Dont do it....you will regrett it!! Tear up the number!!!
DustySaltus Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 If you still want to call her after you see this, more power to you: This turns from quite innocent to painful and borderline stalkerish. Again, tear up the number dude.
boogieboy Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You and her are done. Theres no reason to go back to her. SO you keep away from her until you forget about her. Do not try to reconnect with her. You go find someone new, or be alone, but youre not getting back with her, especially since she cheated on you. If after a couple months she tries to come looking for you, you ignore her. Do not answer any calls or emails or nuthin. It will do you no good, and it will hurt.
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