writergal Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Just recently I reconnected with an ex-bf from 12 years ago via match.com. We'd only dated a few months back then, before I left the country to teach abroad, and I never heard from him again, until he contacted me on match.com. We had a great first date the other night -- art festival, dinner, walk in the park. Although he is socially awkward (he does have friends but first impressions comes across as very introverted and antisocial) but he is extremely intelligent, kind, thoughtful and very funny when you get to know him. And then he dropped the bombshell on me that he takes Lithium for Bipolar Disorder. I never knew this 12 years ago when we dated. And he told me last night he's suffered from it for nearly 20 years. I'm really nervous to move foward now with him, towards any serious dating because I don't know that much about Bipolar Disorder. Should I be scared? Should I avoid him at all costs? Has anyone ever dated someone with Bipolar Disorder? Is it possible to have a successful relationship with someone who suffers from this mental disorder? (Occasionally I still think about my ex-b/f but I have finally accepted he's not right for me and have deleted his contact info. from my cell, and computer).
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 The fact he told you about being BP, and he's on meds, dealing with things, means he isn't in denial of what he has.. Did he mention any details of how bad it is, or if he's doing therapy as well as taking meds? It can work, depending on how patient you are and if you're willing to deal with the fallout of someone who has a mental disorder.
Author writergal Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 He did say that his highs are really high and his lows are really really low and he gets depressed very easily, if he doesn't have structure in his life. That makes me nervous. Also, I find myself choosing my words very carefully around him, to the point where I don't feel like I"m being myself. Normally, I'm a very vivacious, loud person. Around him on the first date, and when we dated 12 years ago, I made sure my tone was always soft, never loud, always reassuring, never sarcastic. Basically, I walked around on eggshells. He has a psychiatrist and therapist.
alexlakeman Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He's crazy for telling you that... oh wait, he is bipolar, sorry, duhh, lol.. I am sure there are happy ending with bipolar people... In my case , it was the worst significant other, the most violent, the craziest, the one that cheated the most, the ... well etc.. in my life ... She was in denial... she was supposed to be on effexor (I think that's depresion) and some bipolar med, I can't remember... Consequences for me dating a bi polar chic? She got ticked off one night on the way home b/c "supposedly" I was flirting at the bar... ON the way home, she clobered my face and body with her shoe and hands, while I was driving.. got home, it went on... I called the cops, she spent 3-4 days in jail, I decided not to press charged (regret not pressing chgs to that little psycho!!), and have a lifetime restraining order on her ass. If I ever meet another bipolar, I will run like hell... BTW, there are more stories in my 9 months or so I was with her, so it is bad.. not sure how it would've worked if she took the meds ...
You'reasian Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Just recently I reconnected with an ex-bf from 12 years ago via match.com. We'd only dated a few months back then, before I left the country to teach abroad, and I never heard from him again, until he contacted me on match.com. We had a great first date the other night -- art festival, dinner, walk in the park. Although he is socially awkward (he does have friends but first impressions comes across as very introverted and antisocial) but he is extremely intelligent, kind, thoughtful and very funny when you get to know him. And then he dropped the bombshell on me that he takes Lithium for Bipolar Disorder. I never knew this 12 years ago when we dated. And he told me last night he's suffered from it for nearly 20 years. I'm really nervous to move foward now with him, towards any serious dating because I don't know that much about Bipolar Disorder. Should I be scared? Should I avoid him at all costs? Has anyone ever dated someone with Bipolar Disorder? Is it possible to have a successful relationship with someone who suffers from this mental disorder? (Occasionally I still think about my ex-b/f but I have finally accepted he's not right for me and have deleted his contact info. from my cell, and computer). If he's got BD, its probably best to keep it at a distance - esp. if the person isn't willing to work on it, but I'm neither a psychiatrist or psychologist - so take it with a grain of salt..
wiko Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Him having treated Bipolar Disorder and dating isn't a problem at all. The possible problem comes when you can't act yourself around him for fear of sparking a mood swing. Bipolar Disorder seems to run in my family, so I have a bit of experience with it. I can understand how you've dated him before without noticing it, unless you're around the person 24/7, you can often miss huge but short swings in mood. I've known people for years and never knew they were bipolar until they stop their medication. Once they're established on a medication, I can't tell they have it what so ever. Even without their medication, having structure in their life seems to work just as well. Personally, I wouldn't have to think twice about it, go for it and see how it works.
zilverenvlinder Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I am Bipolar. Don't worry, he's not going to kill you.
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